Lettuce Puns and Hilarious Lettuce Jokes

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Lettuce Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

Lettuce Jokes

I couldn’t decide how much lettuce to buy until someone helped me think it through.

Turns out, two heads are better than one.

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A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.

This particular time, the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.

He tries to package it up, but it won’t fit unless he cuts it into smaller pieces. He cuts it up andΒ stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn’t realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.

The postal worker says, β€œYou can’t send a salad like that, it needs adressing.”

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”


β€œLettuce, who?”

β€œLettuce in, it’s cold out here.”

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A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.

We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.

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Quarantine has been hard. I’ve run out of toilet paper, and have to use lettuce leaves.

It’s only going to get worse, though... this is just the tip of the iceberg.

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Patient: β€œDoctor, there’s a piece of lettuce sticking out of my bottom.”

The doctor asks him to drop his trousers and examines him.

The man asks, β€œIs it serious, doctor?”

And the doctor replies, β€œI’m sorry to tell you, but this is just the tip of the iceberg.”

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No one seems to want to help me look for my missing Greek lettuce

They keep telling me it’s a lost cos.

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What type of salad did they serve on the Titanic?

Iceberg lettuce.

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I went to see my doctor today with a lettuce stuck in my butt.

He just applied a dressing and sent me home.

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What did the lettuce say to the ship?


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What do you get when you throw lettuce into the ocean?

I don’t know, lettuce sea.

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Captain Edward Smith’s last meal included lettuce on his plate.

Specifically, It was an iceberg right in front of him.

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What did the priest say to the salad before he ate it?

Lett-uce pray.

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What did the salad say to the chef?Β 

Lett-uce go!

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It’s so hot my Iceberg lettuce melted.

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Why can’t tomatoes win races against lettuce?

Because the lettuce are always a head, and the tomatoes are always trying to ketchup.

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