Jailhouse Jokes

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Jailhouse Jokes

Once, there was a man who came from Spain to America.

He couldn’t speak English, so he went to a choir and learned how to say, β€œMe me me me me me.”

Then he went to the store and saw a little girl say, β€œHe stole my dolly.”

On his way home, he went to get meat from the butcher and learned how to say, β€œBig butcher knife, big butcher knife.”

Then he went home and watched an air freshener commercial and learned how to say, β€œPlug it in, plug it in.”

Later, he went to the store, and there was a murder.

The police said, β€œWho killed this man?”

The foreigner said, β€œMe me me me me me.”

The police said, β€œWhy did you kill him?”

The man said, β€œHe stole my dolly.”

The policeman said, β€œWhat did you kill him with?”

The man said, β€œBig butcher knife, big butcher knife.”

Then they took him to jail and sentenced him to death.

The policeman said, β€œAny last words?”

The foreigner said, β€œPlug it in, plug it in.”

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I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail.

But apparently, you’re not allowed to end a sentence with a preposition.

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What happens to corny jokesters who get jailed on April Fools’ Day?

They go to the pun-itentiary.

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Did you hear about the guy that washed his shorts with change in it?

He was arrested for money laundrying.

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Why did the police officers arrest the blue crayon?

Because it was in the blue.

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I saw someone at the grocery store who angrily stabbed a box of corn flakes, and the flakes went everywhere.

The person was arrested for being a cereal killer.

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Yo daddy is so ugly when your mom kicked him out of the house, the police arrested him for littering.

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Yo daddy is so ugly that he looked out the window and got arrested for mooning.

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An actor suffering from dementia just hit my car. I got him arrested.

As he was getting arrested, he kept saying, β€œDo you know who I am?!”

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Yo mama so vegan and fat she ate a meal and got arrested for deforestation.

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Did you hear about that cannibal who was arrested for making a pot roast outta their great-grandmother?

It was an old family recipe.

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Why did the Python data scientist get arrested at customs?

She was caught trying to import pandas.

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An iPhone and a firework were arrested on New Year’s Eve.

One was charged and the other was let off.

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Why is it not good to play volleyball in a court?

Because you might get arrested.

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A programmer was arrested for writing unreadable code.

He refused to comment.

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Mickey Mouse was arrested for identity theft.

He was charged with being Goofy.

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Why was the beaver not arrested when he jumped into the Nile?

Because he was juve-niles.

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Which baseball manager was arrested for arson as a teenager and retains his jailhouse nickname to this day?

Sparky Anderson.

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Police have arrested a gang of corn flakes that they allege committed a spree of armed robberies throughout the metro area.

A Police spokesman described them as cereal offenders.

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A salad was arrested for public indecency.

I guess it should’ve gotten dressed before leafing.

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Two doves got arrested. Guess what for?

They staged a coo.

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Why did the cops arrest the donut baker?

He was caught pinching the salt.

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