Funny Insults



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Insult Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Insult Jokes


Who wants a day just for fools?

When you’re surrounded by them all year.

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My husband cooks for me like I’m a godβ€”by placing burnt offerings before me every night.

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What do you call a dumb carnivore?

A meathead.

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How many non-vegans does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they prefer to stay in the dark.

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How do you drown a submarine full of blonds?

You knock on the door.

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Your eyes are as blue as toilet water.

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Yo mama so dumb I asked her what she does for a living, and she said breathe.

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My sister so dumb she genuinely spent lockdown studying for a COVID test.

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Yo daddy is so dumb he got hit by a parked car.

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Yo daddy is so dumb when he jumps the fence, the gate was open.

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Yo daddy is so dumb he tried to kill a bird by throwing it off a cliff.

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Yo daddy is soΒ dumb the computer said β€œpress any key to continue”, and he was looking for the any key BUTTON.

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Yo daddy is so dumb he sold his car for gas money.

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Yo sister so ugly her pillow cries at night.

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Your sister is so ugly when she sits on the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.

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Your sister is so ugly when she was born your mom said, β€œWhat a treasure!”

And your dad said, β€œYes, let’s bury it.”

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Your sister is so ugly when she goes to the bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras.

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Yo daddy is so ugly they shot a film called β€œGorillas in the Mist” in his shower.

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Yo daddy is so ugly when your mom kicked him out of the house, the police arrested him for littering.

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Yo daddy is so uglyΒ he has nightmares about himself.

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Yo daddy is so ugly that he looked out the window and got arrested for mooning.

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Yo daddy so fat he wore a gray shirt to the zoo, they thought the elephants escaped.

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Yo daddy so fat when he goes camping, the bears hide THEIR food.

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Yo daddy so fat when God said β€œlet there be light”, he asked him to move out of the way.

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Yo sister so fat she has two watches, one for each time zone she’s in.

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Yo sister so fat that when she took a selfie, Instagram crashed.

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Your sister is so fat her Apple Watch is an iPad Pro on a rope.

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Yo sister so fat she’s the reason London Bridge is falling down.

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Yo sister so fat the only way she burns calories is when her food catches on fire.

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Yo mama so stupid she thought The Exorcist was a workout video.

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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Tri-tip.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground Beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Your mom!

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Your head is so big, when you try to tie your shoes, you flip over.

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Yo head is so big if it were a bowling ball, score a strike every time.

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Yo head is so big, if I shot a basket with yo head it would get stuck in the rim.

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Your head is so big that the rest of your body will never get a tan.

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Your head is so big, the airlines charge you an extra $25 to bring it aboard.

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Your head is so big that you need to be careful to stay away from needles and pins, so it doesn’t pop.

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Wow, you must have extremely strong shoulders...

To hold that absolute mega-size head up.

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Your head is so big that you got booted from the stadium for blocking the skybox views.

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As a child, a lot of kids would shove things up their noses.

Did you use a bowling ball that they never got out again?

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Your head is so big that when it rains, your body never gets wet.

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Your forehead is so big, you’ll never have enough hair for bangs.

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Your forehead is what happens when you keep your thoughts to yourself.

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I bet it’s cool, you can change the TV channels with your mind.

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At least you’ll never go broke...

You can always rent out parking spots on your forehead.

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With a forehead like yours, Dora would get lost exploring it.

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The good news is that you could make a lot of money by selling billboard space on your forehead.

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I wasn’t staring at you...

I was trying to figure out if that’s your forehead or the moon.

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Your forehead is so big you use an extra mattress as a pillow.

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Your forehead is so big that if Michelangelo ever started painting frescoes on your forehead, it would take him four years to complete it.

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Your forehead is so big it could carry all the passengers of the Titanic.

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Your forehead is so big that it made Mona Lisa smile.

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Your forehead is so big your entire face is on your chin.

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Your forehead is so big that the teachers use it as a whiteboard.

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Your forehead is so big, it gets home before you do.

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Yo mama’s ears are so big she can hear what I’m thinking.

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Yo mama’s ears are so big she can hear sign language.

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Your ears are so big you don’t need a parachute when you go base jumping.

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Your ears are so big you use shower heads as earbuds.

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Your ears are so big you don’t need an alarm clock.

You can hear the sun come up in the morning.

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Why do retirees smile all the time?

Because they can’t hear a word you’re saying!

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I heard an uber from your eyebrows to your hairline is like 40$.

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When I saw your hairline I thought you worked at McDonald’s.

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Yo hairline is so bad when you look in the mirror yo hairline looks like an endangered specie.

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The lice in your head are starting to concern over deforestation.

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Your forehead is a 20-mile taxi ride from your eyebrows to your hairline.

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What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?

There have been sightings of UFOs.

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Yo momma’s so fat she carries her pet Bantha in her purse.

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Yo momma’s cooking is so bad Jabba wouldn’t feed it to Salacious Crumb.

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Yo mamma is so ugly that not even Ewoks will let her into their clan.

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Yo momma’s so fat she dribbled the Death Star.

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Yo momma’s so old she changed Yoda’s first diaper.

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Yo momma’s so ugly they push her face in the dough to make Ugnaught cookies.

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Yo momma’s so fat Yoda couldn’t use the Force to move her.

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Yo momma’s so fat she could put Coruscant out of orbit.

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Yo mama’s so hairy that she gets mistaken for Chewbacca’s cousin.

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Yo mama’s so dumb she thought a lightsaber has fewer calories!

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Yo momma is so fat you have to make two lightspeed jumps just to get on her good side.

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Yo mama’s back is so hairy it looks like she’s giving Chewbacca a piggyback ride.

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Yo mama so fat that they covered her and used her as a death star.

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Yo momma’s so big when she tripped in Mos Eisley she landed in Mos Espa.

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Yo mama so fat that the Sarlaac Pit couldn’t eat her!

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Yo momma so fat when she farts scientists on Tatooine think the star around Coruscant just went supernova.

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Yo mama’s so stupid Kylo Ren couldn’t force read her mind!

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Yo momma’s so hairy she looks like she has two Ewoks in a headlock.

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Yo mama is so old she trained Yada’s master in the force!

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Yo momma is so fat she makes Jabba look like Calista Flockhart.

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Yo mama’s so hairy that people run up to her and say β€œChewbacca, can I get your autograph?”.

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Yo momma’s so ugly she makes a Gammorrean seem like an attractive date.

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Yo mama so stupid Jar Jar questioned her existence!

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Yo mama’s so fat that Gardulla the Hutt had a boost in self-esteem after seeing her.

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Yo mama so fat she pooped out the Death Star!

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Yo mamma’s so fat that the Sarlacc rejected her as dinner.

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Yo mama’s so fat that even the Death Star couldn’t blow her up!

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Yo mama’s so ugly that they didn’t give her a costume when she auditioned for Star Wars.

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Yo mama is so fat she did the Kessel run instantly because she is on both sides of it.

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Yo mama is so tall the Kaminoans had to look up to see her face.

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Yo mama so fat and ugly she didn’t need a suit to play Jamba the Hutt.

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Yo mama has so much hair on her upper lip it looks like Ewoks having a party when she talks.

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Yo momma’s so hairy when she went to the movie theater to see Star Wars, everybody screamed and said β€œIT’S CHEWBACCA!”.

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Yo mama’s so fat that carbonite was encased in her.

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Yo momma’s so fat she uses Kamonians as toothpicks.

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Yo mama’s so fat and full of bush the Wookiees named their planet after her!

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Yo mama’s so dumb she thought that Jar Jar comes with pickles pickles.

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Yo mamma’s so fat she can’t go to a spaceport because x-wings keep trying to land on her back.

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Yo mama’s so fat that only half her body was able to come out frozen from the carbon freezing chamber in Cloud City.

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Yo mama’s so dumb she wasn’t looking for the droids in the first place!

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Yo mamma’s so ugly Rancors look at her and go β€œDamn, dude, she’s UGLY!”.

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Yo mama so fat Obi-Wan Kenobi said β€œThat’s no moonβ€”that’s Yo mama!”.

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Yo momma’s so black when she turned to the dark side the Sith became Jedis.

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Yo mamma’s so fat I saw her using a Star Destroyer as an ironing board.

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Yo mama’s so flatulent that she forced the Mustafarians to wear masks!

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Yo mama’s so weak-minded that I got her to lead me to Jabba without using a Jedi mind trick!

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Yo mamma’s so stupid she thought Darth Maul was a place to shop.

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Yo mama’s so fat that even stormtroopers can’t miss her.

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Yo mama’s so fat when Vader cut off her hand gravy would have come out had it not been cauterized by the lightsaber.

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Yo mama’s so hairy that when she was born she looked like Chewbacca!

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Yo mama’s so ugly that Wuher said β€œWe don’t serve your kind here”.

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Yo moma is so fat Luke Skywalker that yo moma was the Death Star.

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Yo momma’s so stupid that she thinks Jar Jar is filled with Peanut Butter Peanut Butter!

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Yo mamma is so stupid she thought a red lightsaber was a red chili and ate it.

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Yo mama’s so fat Jabba the Hutt said β€œHargh!”.

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Yo mama’s so flatulent that she forced the sand people out of a single file.

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Yo momma so ugly she makes even The Rancor cry.

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Yo mamma’s so ugly they cut her Cantina scenes in Star Wars.

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Yo mama so fat she played basketball with the Death Star.

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Yo mom’s so fat Luke couldn’t believe she wasn’t a moon!

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Yo momma’s so fat the Millenium Falcon can hide in her belly button.

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Yo mama so fat that Wedge Antilles said β€œLook at the size of that thing!”.

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Yo mamma so hairy that Han Solo mistaken her for Chewbackaο»Ώ.

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Yo mama’s so fat that she looks like Jabba the Hut before picture.

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Yo momma so stupid she thought parsec was a unit of time.

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Yo momma is so dumb she makes Gungans look smart.

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Yo mama so stupid she went to Bangkok to get a TIE fighter!

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Yo mama so hairy the only language she speaks is wookie.

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Yo mama’s so fat that the Kaminoans couldn’t use her as a host for clones since they couldn’t pierce her skin deep enough to draw blood.

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Yo momma so black she makes Lando Calrissian look like Casper.

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Yo mama’s so fat that even the Death Star orbited her before Endor.

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Yo mamma’s so fat I thought she’d have Princess Leia on a leash beside her.

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Yo momma so fat she prevents ships from going to hyperspace.

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Yo mama’s so fat her durasteel armor has stretch marks!

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Yo mama’s so fat that people on the Millenium Falcon keep saying β€œThat’s no moon”.

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Yo mama’s so fat that she caused Kamino to flood when her water broke.

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Yo momma’s so smelly it would make a Hutt smell good.

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Yo mama’s so fat that if she was thrown into the second Death Star’s reactor core, she could have blown up the entire Imperial fleet.

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Yo mama so stupid that she thought Star Wars was a war for stars.

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Yo mama’s so fat she blew up the Deathstar.

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Yo momma so dumb Jar Jar has a higher IQ than her.

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Yo momma is so smelly even Banthas want to run away from her as fast as possible.

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Yo mama’s so fat that the passengers of the Millenium Falcon mistook her for a small moon.

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Yo momma so dumb she picked Jar Jar as her ambassador.

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Yo momma is so fat The Whole Death Star can use her as a protection shield.

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I may be short, but short people can wear heels, ugly just can’t be fixed.

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Your mama’s so short she sat on a coin and her feet didn’t touch the ground.

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Your mama is so short she doesn’t roll dice she pushes them.

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Your mama so short she gotta use an elevator to go up each step.

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Your momma’s hair is so short she curls the hair with a grain of rice.

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Your mama’s so short that she makes Gary Coleman look like Shaquille O’Neal.

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Your mama’s so short that she has to look up to look down.

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Your mama’s so short that she does pull-ups on a staple.

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Your mama’s so short that she can play handball on the curb.

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Your mama so short she sleeps in a mini house.

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Your mama so short she needs a ladder to touch the ground.

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Your momma’s so short she can bungee-jump off a curb!

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Your momma so short she is the original Q-tip.

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Your mama’s so short you can make a life-size sculpture of her using one can of Play-Doh.

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Your mama’s so short that when she sneezes she hits her head on the floor.

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Your mama is so short she has to cuff her underwear.

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Your mama’s so short that she can run track around the toilet!

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Your mama’s so short that when I was dissin’ her she tried to jump kick me in the ankle.

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Your mama’s so short that she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.

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Your mama’s so short that she has to get a running start to get up on the toilet.

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Your mama’s so short that she can limbo under the door.

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Your mama’s so short that her homies are the Keebler Elves.

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Your mama’s so short during the election Donald Trump accidentally stepped on her and he thought he stepped on a brownieο»Ώ.

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Your mama’s so short that when she sat on the curb her feet didn’t touch the ground.

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Your mama’s so short she does backflips under the bed.

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Your mama so short she went under Trump’s wallο»Ώ.

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Your mama so short she doesn’t need the door cause she can get through the mouse hole.

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Your mama so short when she got in the car she couldn’t reach the steering wheel.

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Your mama so short she thought the cracks in the sidewalk were part of a maze.

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Your mama so short she committed suicide by jumping off the curb.

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Your mama is so small she hangs glides on a Doritos!

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Your mama so short you can see her feet on her driver’s license.

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Yo mama so poor when I stepped on a cigarette to put it out she said β€œHey, who turned off the heat?”

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Yo mama so tall even Titans can look up her skirt.

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Yo mama so poor she waves around a Popsicle and calls it air conditioning.

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Yo mama so poor she eats cereal with a fork to save milk.

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Yo mama so poor she chases after the garbage truck with a shopping list.

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Yo mama so hairy Bigfoot took her picture.

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Yo mama so hairy she found herself in a cage at the zoo.

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Yo mama so tall she tripped in America and landed in Australia.

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Yo mama so hairy when she auditioned for Planet of the Apes they made her pack leader.

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Yo mama so hairy people wonder why she wears a fur coat to a nude beach.

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Yo mama so dumb she thought Nickelback was a refund.

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Yo mama so dumb she uses Old Spice body wash to cook.

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Yo mama so dumb she thought Call of Duty was a game about pooping.

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Yo mama so dumb when she got locked in a grocery store she starved to death.

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Yo mama so dumb her IQ is lower than Jeffy the Puppet.

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Yo mama so old her birth certificate says β€œExpired”.

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Yo mama so old her breast milk is powder.

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Yo mama so old her first Christmas was The First Christmas.

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Yo mama so old her first cruise was on Noah’s Ark.

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Yo mama so old her first pet was from Jurassic Park.

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Yo mama so old not even the time stone could make her young.

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Yo mama so stupid she brought a spoon to the Superbowl.

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Yo mama so stupid she thought Taco Bell was a Mexican phone company.

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Yo mama so stupid when she saw the McDonald’s drive-through sign she drove through the building.

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Yo mama so stupid she made an appointment with Dr Pepper.

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Yo mama so stupid the zombies walked past her because they didn’t smell any brains.

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Yo mama so stupid she put her phone in airplane mode and thought she could fly.

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Yo mama so tall when she did a backflip she digs God in the face.

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Yo mama so ugly when she watches TV the channels change themselves.

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Yo mama so ugly Freddy and his friends hide from her.

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Yo mama so ugly Forever Alone Guy denied her friend request.

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Yo mama so ugly the government decided to move Halloween to her birthday.

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Yo mama so fat Rick and Morty thought her belly button was a portal to another dimension.

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Yo mama so fat when I saw her on Tinder, swiped left and she was still on the screen.

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Yo mama so fat NASA thought she was a planet.

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Yo mama so fat her belt is the equator.

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Yo mama so fat every time she took a step it caused an earthquake.

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Yo mama so fat when she ate an Avocado it was Nickado.

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Yo mama so fat when she went to In-N-Out she couldn’t get in nor out.

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Yo mama so fat Naruto couldn’t make enough shadow clones to surround her.

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Yo mama so fat her splash attack does damage.

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Yo mama so fat every time she turns around it’s her birthday.

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Yo mama so fat Donald Trump used her as the border wall.

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Yo mama so fat she wakes up on both sides of the bed.

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Yo mama so fat when she sat on the iPod she made the iPad!

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Yo mama so fat she wears two watches, one for each time zone she’s in.

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Yo mama so fat Darth Vader couldn’t even force choke her.

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Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise.

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Yo mama so fat her blood type is Nutella.

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Yo mama so fat she fed an entire zombie apocalypse.

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Yo mama so fat Cupid’s arrows couldn’t pierce her.

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Yo mama so fat the horse on her polo shirt is real.

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Yo mama so fat when she wears her yellow raincoat people yell out β€œtaxi!”.

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Yo mama so fat her school pictures were taken by a satellite.

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Yo mama so fat she uses the highway as a slip and slide.

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Yo mama so fat not even Superman can lift her.

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Yo mama so fat I took a picture of her last Christmas and it’s still printing.

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Yo mama so fat when she lands in Fortnite she gets a Victory Royale.

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Yo mama’s so stupid she thought Fortnite was fork night.

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Yo mama’s so fat she crashed the Fortnite servers.

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Yo mama’s so fat not even a ninja could carry her in a Fortnite battle.

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Yo mama so stupid she tried to smell her own nose.

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Yo momma’s nose so big you can go bowling with her boogers!

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Yo moma so lazy she sticks her nose out the door and let the air blow it.

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Yo mama’s so stupid she combs the hair in her nose and not on her head.

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Yo mama’s nose is so big she can smell a fart coming.

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Yo mama’s nose hairs are so long that they make Bobobo jealous!

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Yo mama’s breath is so bad that when she talks her nose hairs fall out.

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Yo mama so fat when she sat on a dollar bill she squeezed a booger out of George Washington’s nose.

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You are the only person that can smoke a cigarette in the rain with your hands tied on your back.

Your nose is like a natural canopy.

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You must love staying outdoors.

I hear plants make oxygen just for you.

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You got the whole world in your nose. How lucky are you.

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Your nose was on time, but you must have been a few minutes late.

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Your nose is so big that when you sneeze... Everyone runs for cover!

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Yo Mama so stupid she returned a donut because it had a hole in it.

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Why don’t blondes eat bananas?

They can’t find the zipper.

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Yo Mama is so old she’s got a Bible autographed by Jesus.

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Why don’t men with beards need a vacuum?

Because they already have a crumb catcher on their faces.

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Yo mama is so ugly her hairline is receding just to get away from her face.

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What do you call a man who falls overboard and can’t swim?

Bob.

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What do you call a woman with a frog on her head?

Lilly.

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What do you call a man who stamps letters at the post office for a living?

Frank.

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What do you call a man who has cat scratches all over his face?

Claude.

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What do you call a man who fixes potholes for a living?

Phil.

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What do you call a lady who is hanging from a roof?

Eve.

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What do you call a man who is always sitting on the toilet?

Lou.

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What do you call a man who is unable to stand up?

Neal.

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What do you call a man who keeps vomiting?

Chuck.

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What do you call a man who is always stealing stuff?

Rob.

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Why was the man with the big nose sad?

He could really smell his feet!

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Your nose is so big that when you lie on your back in the pool, people think it’s a shark!

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Yo mama so stupid when she threw a grenade at me, I pulled the pin and threw it back.

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Your mama so stupid she put a watch in the piggy bank and said she was saving time.

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Your mama so stupid she cut holes in her umbrella to see if it was raining.

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Your mama so stupid she yelled into an envelope because she wanted to send a voicemail.

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Your mama so stupid I told her Christmas was around the corner and she went looking for it.

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Yo mama so small she has to wear a torn napkin as a dress.

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Your mama so short she has to hold a sign up that says β€œDon’t spit, I can’t swim”.

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Yo mama so old she rode dinosaurs to school.

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Your mama so short she went to see Santa and he told her to get back to work.

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Your mama so short people thought she was a Funko Pop.

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Yo mama is so hot she makes the sun sweat.

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Yo mama so hot when she got into the Arctic Ocean it turned into a hot tub.

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Your mama so hot when she visits Antarctica locals call it summertime.

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Your mama so hot rangers banned her from National Parks for starting forest fires.

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Your mama so hot her hugs give third-degree burns.

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Your mama so hot scientists deemed her the leading cause of global warming.

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Your mama so dumb she got fired from the M & M factory for throwing away all the W's.

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Your mama so dumb she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.

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Your mama so dumb she sits on the TV and watches the couch!

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Your mama so dumb she watches β€œThe Three Stooges” and takes notes.

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Your mama so dumb she bought a solar-powered flashlight.

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Your mama so old she farts dust!

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Your mama so old when she was born the Dead Sea was just getting sick!

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Your mama so old when she was young, rainbows were black and white!

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Your mama so old her driver's license got hieroglyphics on it!

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Yo mama so ugly when she was born the doctor slapped your grandma!

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Your mama so ugly when she walks into a bank they turn off the cameras.

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Your mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest they said "Sorry, no professionals".

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Your mama so ugly the psychiatrist makes her lie face down.

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Yo mama so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops.

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Your mama so fat she sat on a dollar and when she got up there were 4 quarters.

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Your mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says β€œto be continued”.

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Your mama so fat she gets group insurance!

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Your mama so fat a picture of her would fall off the wall!

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Yo Mama's appetite is so huge she uses a truck to carry her popcorn to the movies.

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Yo Mama's so disgusting she keeps maggots as pets.

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Yo momma's arm-pits stink so bad she made Right Guard turn to left.

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Your mama's got a leather wig with suede sideburns.

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You so dumb you have to stop during track workouts to ask for directions.

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You so dumb you once tried to exchange a bib number because you thought the whole thing was printed upside down.

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Yo daddy is so stupid that he got locked in a grocery store and starved!

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Yo mama so dumb she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

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Yo mama is so dumb and hungry the only letters in the alphabet she knows are K.F.C.

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Your mama is so dumb when dad said it’s chilly outside she brought a spoon and a bowl.

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Yo momma so dumb when y’all were driving to Disneyland she saw a sign that said β€œDisneyland left” so she went home.

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Yo momma is so dumb she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet!

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Yo mama so old she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off.

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Yo momma is so old I slapped her in the back and her boobs fell off.

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Yo momma so old she walked into an antique store and they kept her.

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Yo Mama is so old Adam and Eve were at her graduation ceremony.

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Yo mama so old she knew Burger King when he was just a prince.

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Yo mama is so ugly that most Snapchat filters make her better looking.

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Yo mama so ugly she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.

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Your mama is so ugly she made One Direction go in another direction.

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Your momma so ugly when she looks in the mirror the reflection ducks!

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Yo momma is so ugly she made an onion cry.

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Yo momma is so stupid when I said β€œDrinks are on the house” she got a ladder.

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Yo mama’s so stupid she stared at a cup of orange juice for 12 hours because it said β€œconcentrate”.

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Yo momma is so stupid when an intruder broke into her house she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldn’t find the β€œCALL” button.

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Yo Mama’s so stupid she thinks Los Angeles is where God lives with all his angels.

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Yo mama so stupid I said β€œKool-Aid” and she jumped through the wall.

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Yo mama’s so fat when she fell I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

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Yo mama is so fat that the National Weather Service names each of her farts.

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Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, β€œI need your weight, not your phone number.”

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Yo momma so fat she can’t reach her back pocket.

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Yo mama so fat when she died she broke the stairway to heaven.

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Yo mama’s so fat I swerved to miss her in my car and ran out of gas.

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Why don’t blondes call 911 when they are in an emergency?

Because they can’t find the number eleven on their phone.

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How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?

You tell her a joke on Wednesday.

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