Enjoy our team's carefully selected Insult Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
A blonde was driving across several states to go visit her family. She was five hours late and her family was getting worried.
When she finally got there she explained that she had seen 10 signs that said βCLEAN RESTROOMS AHEAD...β
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Yo mama so old she ate Dodo on his first Thanksgiving.
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Who wants a day just for fools?
When youβre surrounded by them all year.
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My husband cooks for me like Iβm a godβby placing burnt offerings before me every night.
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What do you call a dumb carnivore?
A meathead.
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How many non-vegans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they prefer to stay in the dark.
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How do you drown a submarine full of blonds?
You knock on the door.
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Your eyes are as blue as toilet water.
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Yo mama so dumb I asked her what she does for a living, and she said breathe.
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My sister so dumb she genuinely spent lockdown studying for a COVID test.
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Yo daddy is so dumb he got hit by a parked car.
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Yo daddy is so dumb when he jumps the fence, the gate was open.
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Yo daddy is so dumb he tried to kill a bird by throwing it off a cliff.
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Yo daddy is soΒ dumb the computer said βpress any key to continueβ, and he was looking for the any key BUTTON.
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Yo daddy is so dumb he sold his car for gas money.
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Yo sister so ugly her pillow cries at night.
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Your sister is so ugly when she sits on the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.
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Your sister is so ugly when she was born your mom said, βWhat a treasure!β
And your dad said, βYes, letβs bury it.β
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Your sister is so ugly when she goes to the bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras.
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Yo daddy is so ugly they shot a film called βGorillas in the Mistβ in his shower.
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Yo daddy is so ugly when your mom kicked him out of the house, the police arrested him for littering.
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Yo daddy is so uglyΒ he has nightmares about himself.
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Yo daddy is so ugly that he looked out the window and got arrested for mooning.
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Yo daddy so fat he wore a gray shirt to the zoo, they thought the elephants escaped.
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Yo daddy so fat when he goes camping, the bears hide THEIR food.
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Yo daddy so fat when God said βlet there be lightβ, he asked him to move out of the way.
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Yo sister so fat she has two watches, one for each time zone sheβs in.
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Yo sister so fat that when she took a selfie, Instagram crashed.
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Your sister is so fat her Apple Watch is an iPad Pro on a rope.
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Yo sister so fat sheβs the reason London Bridge is falling down.
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Yo sister so fat the only way she burns calories is when her food catches on fire.
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Yo mama so stupid she thought The Exorcist was a workout video.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?
Tri-tip.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground Beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Your mom!
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Your head is so big, when you try to tie your shoes, you flip over.
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Yo head is so big if it were a bowling ball, score a strike every time.
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Yo head is so big, if I shot a basket with yo head it would get stuck in the rim.
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Your head is so big that the rest of your body will never get a tan.
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Your head is so big, the airlines charge you an extra $25 to bring it aboard.
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Your head is so big that you need to be careful to stay away from needles and pins, so it doesnβt pop.
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Wow, you must have extremely strong shoulders...
To hold that absolute mega-size head up.
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Your head is so big that you got booted from the stadium for blocking the skybox views.
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As a child, a lot of kids would shove things up their noses.
Did you use a bowling ball that they never got out again?
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Your head is so big that when it rains, your body never gets wet.
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Your forehead is so big, youβll never have enough hair for bangs.
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Your forehead is what happens when you keep your thoughts to yourself.
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I bet itβs cool, you can change the TV channels with your mind.
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At least youβll never go broke...
You can always rent out parking spots on your forehead.
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With a forehead like yours, Dora would get lost exploring it.
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The good news is that you could make a lot of money by selling billboard space on your forehead.
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I wasnβt staring at you...
I was trying to figure out if thatβs your forehead or the moon.
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Your forehead is so big you use an extra mattress as a pillow.
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Your forehead is so big that if Michelangelo ever started painting frescoes on your forehead, it would take him four years to complete it.
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Your forehead is so big it could carry all the passengers of the Titanic.
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Your forehead is so big that it made Mona Lisa smile.
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Your forehead is so big your entire face is on your chin.
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Your forehead is so big that the teachers use it as a whiteboard.
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Your forehead is so big, it gets home before you do.
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Yo mamaβs ears are so big she can hear what Iβm thinking.
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Yo mamaβs ears are so big she can hear sign language.
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Your ears are so big you donβt need a parachute when you go base jumping.
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Your ears are so big you use shower heads as earbuds.
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Your ears are so big you donβt need an alarm clock.
You can hear the sun come up in the morning.
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Why do retirees smile all the time?
Because they canβt hear a word youβre saying!
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I heard an uber from your eyebrows to your hairline is like 40$.
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When I saw your hairline I thought you worked at McDonaldβs.
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Yo hairline is so bad when you look in the mirror yo hairline looks like an endangered specie.
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The lice in your head are starting to concern over deforestation.
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Your forehead is a 20-mile taxi ride from your eyebrows to your hairline.
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What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
There have been sightings of UFOs.
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Yo mommaβs so fat she carries her pet Bantha in her purse.
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Yo mommaβs cooking is so bad Jabba wouldnβt feed it to Salacious Crumb.
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Yo mamma is so ugly that not even Ewoks will let her into their clan.
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Yo mommaβs so fat she dribbled the Death Star.
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Yo mommaβs so old she changed Yodaβs first diaper.
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Yo mommaβs so ugly they push her face in the dough to make Ugnaught cookies.
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Yo mommaβs so fat Yoda couldnβt use the Force to move her.
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Yo mommaβs so fat she could put Coruscant out of orbit.
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Yo mamaβs so hairy that she gets mistaken for Chewbaccaβs cousin.
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Yo mamaβs so dumb she thought a lightsaber has fewer calories!
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Yo momma is so fat you have to make two lightspeed jumps just to get on her good side.
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Yo mamaβs back is so hairy it looks like sheβs giving Chewbacca a piggyback ride.
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Yo mama so fat that they covered her and used her as a death star.
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Yo mommaβs so big when she tripped in Mos Eisley she landed in Mos Espa.
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Yo mama so fat that the Sarlaac Pit couldnβt eat her!
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Yo momma so fat when she farts scientists on Tatooine think the star around Coruscant just went supernova.
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Yo mamaβs so stupid Kylo Ren couldnβt force read her mind!
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Yo mommaβs so hairy she looks like she has two Ewoks in a headlock.
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Yo mama is so old she trained Yadaβs master in the force!
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Yo momma is so fat she makes Jabba look like Calista Flockhart.
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Yo mamaβs so hairy that people run up to her and say βChewbacca, can I get your autograph?β.
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Yo mommaβs so ugly she makes a Gammorrean seem like an attractive date.
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Yo mama so stupid Jar Jar questioned her existence!
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Yo mamaβs so fat that Gardulla the Hutt had a boost in self-esteem after seeing her.
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Yo mama so fat she pooped out the Death Star!
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Yo mammaβs so fat that the Sarlacc rejected her as dinner.
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Yo mamaβs so fat that even the Death Star couldnβt blow her up!
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Yo mamaβs so ugly that they didnβt give her a costume when she auditioned for Star Wars.
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Yo mama is so fat she did the Kessel run instantly because she is on both sides of it.
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Yo mama is so tall the Kaminoans had to look up to see her face.
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Yo mama so fat and ugly she didnβt need a suit to play Jamba the Hutt.
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Yo mama has so much hair on her upper lip it looks like Ewoks having a party when she talks.
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Yo mommaβs so hairy when she went to the movie theater to see Star Wars, everybody screamed and said βITβS CHEWBACCA!β.
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Yo mamaβs so fat that carbonite was encased in her.
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Yo mommaβs so fat she uses Kamonians as toothpicks.
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Yo mamaβs so fat and full of bush the Wookiees named their planet after her!
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Yo mamaβs so dumb she thought that Jar Jar comes with pickles pickles.
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Yo mammaβs so fat she canβt go to a spaceport because x-wings keep trying to land on her back.
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Yo mamaβs so fat that only half her body was able to come out frozen from the carbon freezing chamber in Cloud City.
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Yo mamaβs so dumb she wasnβt looking for the droids in the first place!
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Yo mammaβs so ugly Rancors look at her and go βDamn, dude, sheβs UGLY!β.
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Yo mama so fat Obi-Wan Kenobi said βThatβs no moonβthatβs Yo mama!β.
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Yo mommaβs so black when she turned to the dark side the Sith became Jedis.
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Yo mammaβs so fat I saw her using a Star Destroyer as an ironing board.
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Yo mamaβs so flatulent that she forced the Mustafarians to wear masks!
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Yo mamaβs so weak-minded that I got her to lead me to Jabba without using a Jedi mind trick!
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Yo mammaβs so stupid she thought Darth Maul was a place to shop.
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Yo mamaβs so fat that even stormtroopers canβt miss her.
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Yo mamaβs so fat when Vader cut off her hand gravy would have come out had it not been cauterized by the lightsaber.
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Yo mamaβs so hairy that when she was born she looked like Chewbacca!
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Yo mamaβs so ugly that Wuher said βWe donβt serve your kind hereβ.
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Yo moma is so fat Luke Skywalker that yo moma was the Death Star.
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Yo mommaβs so stupid that she thinks Jar Jar is filled with Peanut Butter Peanut Butter!
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Yo mamma is so stupid she thought a red lightsaber was a red chili and ate it.
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Yo mamaβs so fat Jabba the Hutt said βHargh!β.
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Yo mamaβs so flatulent that she forced the sand people out of a single file.
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Yo momma so ugly she makes even The Rancor cry.
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Yo mammaβs so ugly they cut her Cantina scenes in Star Wars.
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Yo mama so fat she played basketball with the Death Star.
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Yo momβs so fat Luke couldnβt believe she wasnβt a moon!
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Yo mommaβs so fat the Millenium Falcon can hide in her belly button.
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Yo mama so fat that Wedge Antilles said βLook at the size of that thing!β.
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Yo mamma so hairy that Han Solo mistaken her for Chewbackaο»Ώ.
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Yo mamaβs so fat that she looks like Jabba the Hut before picture.
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Yo momma so stupid she thought parsec was a unit of time.
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Yo momma is so dumb she makes Gungans look smart.
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Yo mama so stupid she went to Bangkok to get a TIE fighter!
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Yo mama so hairy the only language she speaks is wookie.
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Yo mamaβs so fat that the Kaminoans couldnβt use her as a host for clones since they couldnβt pierce her skin deep enough to draw blood.
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Yo momma so black she makes Lando Calrissian look like Casper.
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Yo mamaβs so fat that even the Death Star orbited her before Endor.
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Yo mammaβs so fat I thought sheβd have Princess Leia on a leash beside her.
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Yo momma so fat she prevents ships from going to hyperspace.
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Yo mamaβs so fat her durasteel armor has stretch marks!
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Yo mamaβs so fat that people on the Millenium Falcon keep saying βThatβs no moonβ.
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Yo mamaβs so fat that she caused Kamino to flood when her water broke.
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Yo mommaβs so smelly it would make a Hutt smell good.
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Yo mamaβs so fat that if she was thrown into the second Death Starβs reactor core, she could have blown up the entire Imperial fleet.
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Yo mama so stupid that she thought Star Wars was a war for stars.
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Yo mamaβs so fat she blew up the Deathstar.
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Yo momma so dumb Jar Jar has a higher IQ than her.
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Yo momma is so smelly even Banthas want to run away from her as fast as possible.
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Yo mamaβs so fat that the passengers of the Millenium Falcon mistook her for a small moon.
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Yo momma so dumb she picked Jar Jar as her ambassador.
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Yo momma is so fat The Whole Death Star can use her as a protection shield.
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I may be short, but short people can wear heels, ugly just canβt be fixed.
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Your mamaβs so short she sat on a coin and her feet didnβt touch the ground.
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Your mama is so short she doesnβt roll dice she pushes them.
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Your mama so short she gotta use an elevator to go up each step.
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Your mommaβs hair is so short she curls the hair with a grain of rice.
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Your mamaβs so short that she makes Gary Coleman look like Shaquille OβNeal.
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Your mamaβs so short that she has to look up to look down.
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Your mamaβs so short that she does pull-ups on a staple.
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Your mamaβs so short that she can play handball on the curb.
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Your mama so short she sleeps in a mini house.
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Your mama so short she needs a ladder to touch the ground.
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Your mommaβs so short she can bungee-jump off a curb!
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Your momma so short she is the original Q-tip.
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Your mamaβs so short you can make a life-size sculpture of her using one can of Play-Doh.
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Your mamaβs so short that when she sneezes she hits her head on the floor.
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Your mama is so short she has to cuff her underwear.
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Your mamaβs so short that she can run track around the toilet!
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Your mamaβs so short that when I was dissinβ her she tried to jump kick me in the ankle.
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Your mamaβs so short that she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.
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Your mamaβs so short that she has to get a running start to get up on the toilet.
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Your mamaβs so short that she can limbo under the door.
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Your mamaβs so short that her homies are the Keebler Elves.
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Your mamaβs so short during the election Donald Trump accidentally stepped on her and he thought he stepped on a brownieο»Ώ.
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Your mamaβs so short that when she sat on the curb her feet didnβt touch the ground.
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Your mamaβs so short she does backflips under the bed.
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Your mama so short she went under Trumpβs wallο»Ώ.
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Your mama so short she doesnβt need the door cause she can get through the mouse hole.
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Your mama so short when she got in the car she couldnβt reach the steering wheel.
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Your mama so short she thought the cracks in the sidewalk were part of a maze.
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Your mama so short she committed suicide by jumping off the curb.
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Your mama is so small she hangs glides on a Doritos!
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Your mama so short you can see her feet on her driverβs license.
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Yo mama so poor when I stepped on a cigarette to put it out she said βHey, who turned off the heat?β
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Yo mama so tall even Titans can look up her skirt.
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Yo mama so poor she waves around a Popsicle and calls it air conditioning.
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Yo mama so poor she eats cereal with a fork to save milk.
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Yo mama so poor she chases after the garbage truck with a shopping list.
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Yo mama so hairy Bigfoot took her picture.
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Yo mama so hairy she found herself in a cage at the zoo.
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Yo mama so tall she tripped in America and landed in Australia.
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Yo mama so hairy when she auditioned for Planet of the Apes they made her pack leader.
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Yo mama so hairy people wonder why she wears a fur coat to a nude beach.
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Yo mama so dumb she thought Nickelback was a refund.
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Yo mama so dumb she uses Old Spice body wash to cook.
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Yo mama so dumb she thought Call of Duty was a game about pooping.
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Yo mama so dumb when she got locked in a grocery store she starved to death.
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Yo mama so dumb her IQ is lower than Jeffy the Puppet.
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Yo mama so old her birth certificate says βExpiredβ.
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Yo mama so old her breast milk is powder.
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Yo mama so old her first Christmas was The First Christmas.
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Yo mama so old her first cruise was on Noahβs Ark.
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Yo mama so old her first pet was from Jurassic Park.
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Yo mama so old not even the time stone could make her young.
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Yo mama so stupid she brought a spoon to the Superbowl.
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Yo mama so stupid she thought Taco Bell was a Mexican phone company.
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Yo mama so stupid when she saw the McDonaldβs drive-through sign she drove through the building.
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Yo mama so stupid she made an appointment with Dr Pepper.
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Yo mama so stupid the zombies walked past her because they didnβt smell any brains.
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Yo mama so stupid she put her phone in airplane mode and thought she could fly.
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Yo mama so tall when she did a backflip she digs God in the face.
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Yo mama so ugly when she watches TV the channels change themselves.
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Yo mama so ugly Freddy and his friends hide from her.
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Yo mama so ugly Forever Alone Guy denied her friend request.
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Yo mama so ugly the government decided to move Halloween to her birthday.
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Yo mama so fat Rick and Morty thought her belly button was a portal to another dimension.
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Yo mama so fat when I saw her on Tinder, swiped left and she was still on the screen.
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Yo mama so fat NASA thought she was a planet.
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Yo mama so fat her belt is the equator.
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Yo mama so fat every time she took a step it caused an earthquake.
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Yo mama so fat when she ate an Avocado it was Nickado.
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Yo mama so fat when she went to In-N-Out she couldnβt get in nor out.
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Yo mama so fat Naruto couldnβt make enough shadow clones to surround her.
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Yo mama so fat her splash attack does damage.
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Yo mama so fat every time she turns around itβs her birthday.
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Yo mama so fat Donald Trump used her as the border wall.
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Yo mama so fat she wakes up on both sides of the bed.
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Yo mama so fat when she sat on the iPod she made the iPad!
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Yo mama so fat she wears two watches, one for each time zone sheβs in.
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Yo mama so fat Darth Vader couldnβt even force choke her.
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Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise.
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Yo mama so fat her blood type is Nutella.
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Yo mama so fat she fed an entire zombie apocalypse.
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Yo mama so fat Cupidβs arrows couldnβt pierce her.
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Yo mama so fat the horse on her polo shirt is real.
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Yo mama so fat when she wears her yellow raincoat people yell out βtaxi!β.
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Yo mama so fat her school pictures were taken by a satellite.
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Yo mama so fat she uses the highway as a slip and slide.
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Yo mama so fat not even Superman can lift her.
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Yo mama so fat I took a picture of her last Christmas and itβs still printing.
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Yo mama so fat when she lands in Fortnite she gets a Victory Royale.
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Yo mamaβs so stupid she thought Fortnite was fork night.
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Yo mamaβs so fat she crashed the Fortnite servers.
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Yo mamaβs so fat not even a ninja could carry her in a Fortnite battle.
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Yo mama so stupid she tried to smell her own nose.
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Yo mommaβs nose so big you can go bowling with her boogers!
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Yo moma so lazy she sticks her nose out the door and let the air blow it.
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Yo mamaβs so stupid she combs the hair in her nose and not on her head.
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Yo mamaβs nose is so big she can smell a fart coming.
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Yo mamaβs nose hairs are so long that they make Bobobo jealous!
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Yo mamaβs breath is so bad that when she talks her nose hairs fall out.
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Yo mama so fat when she sat on a dollar bill she squeezed a booger out of George Washingtonβs nose.
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You are the only person that can smoke a cigarette in the rain with your hands tied on your back.
Your nose is like a natural canopy.
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You must love staying outdoors.
I hear plants make oxygen just for you.
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You got the whole world in your nose. How lucky are you.
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Your nose was on time, but you must have been a few minutes late.
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Your nose is so big that when you sneeze... Everyone runs for cover!
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Yo Mama so stupid she returned a donut because it had a hole in it.
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Why donβt blondes eat bananas?
They canβt find the zipper.
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Yo Mama is so old sheβs got a Bible autographed by Jesus.
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Why donβt men with beards need a vacuum?
Because they already have a crumb catcher on their faces.
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Yo mama is so ugly her hairline is receding just to get away from her face.
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What do you call a man who falls overboard and canβt swim?
Bob.
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What do you call a woman with a frog on her head?
Lilly.
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What do you call a man who stamps letters at the post office for a living?
Frank.
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What do you call a man who has cat scratches all over his face?
Claude.
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What do you call a man who fixes potholes for a living?
Phil.
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What do you call a lady who is hanging from a roof?
Eve.
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What do you call a man who is always sitting on the toilet?
Lou.
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What do you call a man who is unable to stand up?
Neal.
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What do you call a man who keeps vomiting?
Chuck.
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What do you call a man who is always stealing stuff?
Rob.
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Why was the man with the big nose sad?
He could really smell his feet!
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Your nose is so big that when you lie on your back in the pool, people think itβs a shark!
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Yo mama so stupid when she threw a grenade at me, I pulled the pin and threw it back.
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Your mama so stupid she put a watch in the piggy bank and said she was saving time.
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Your mama so stupid she cut holes in her umbrella to see if it was raining.
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Your mama so stupid she yelled into an envelope because she wanted to send a voicemail.
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Your mama so stupid I told her Christmas was around the corner and she went looking for it.
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Yo mama so small she has to wear a torn napkin as a dress.
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Your mama so short she has to hold a sign up that says βDonβt spit, I canβt swimβ.
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Yo mama so old she rode dinosaurs to school.
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Your mama so short she went to see Santa and he told her to get back to work.
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Your mama so short people thought she was a Funko Pop.
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Yo mama is so hot she makes the sun sweat.
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Yo mama so hot when she got into the Arctic Ocean it turned into a hot tub.
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Your mama so hot when she visits Antarctica locals call it summertime.
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Your mama so hot rangers banned her from National Parks for starting forest fires.
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Your mama so hot her hugs give third-degree burns.
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Your mama so hot scientists deemed her the leading cause of global warming.
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Your mama so dumb she got fired from the M & M factory for throwing away all the W's.
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Your mama so dumb she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.
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Your mama so dumb she sits on the TV and watches the couch!
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Your mama so dumb she watches βThe Three Stoogesβ and takes notes.
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Your mama so dumb she bought a solar-powered flashlight.
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Your mama so old she farts dust!
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Your mama so old when she was born the Dead Sea was just getting sick!
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Your mama so old when she was young, rainbows were black and white!
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Your mama so old her driver's license got hieroglyphics on it!
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Yo mama so ugly when she was born the doctor slapped your grandma!
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Your mama so ugly when she walks into a bank they turn off the cameras.
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Your mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest they said "Sorry, no professionals".
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Your mama so ugly the psychiatrist makes her lie face down.
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Yo mama so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops.
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Your mama so fat she sat on a dollar and when she got up there were 4 quarters.
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Your mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says βto be continuedβ.
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Your mama so fat she gets group insurance!
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Your mama so fat a picture of her would fall off the wall!
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Yo Mama's appetite is so huge she uses a truck to carry her popcorn to the movies.
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Yo Mama's so disgusting she keeps maggots as pets.
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Yo momma's arm-pits stink so bad she made Right Guard turn to left.
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Your mama's got a leather wig with suede sideburns.
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You so dumb you have to stop during track workouts to ask for directions.
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You so dumb you once tried to exchange a bib number because you thought the whole thing was printed upside down.
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Yo daddy is so stupid that he got locked in a grocery store and starved!
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Yo mama so dumb she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
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Yo mama is so dumb and hungry the only letters in the alphabet she knows are K.F.C.
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Your mama is so dumb when dad said itβs chilly outside she brought a spoon and a bowl.
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Yo momma so dumb when yβall were driving to Disneyland she saw a sign that said βDisneyland leftβ so she went home.
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Yo momma is so dumb she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet!
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Yo mama so old she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off.
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Yo momma is so old I slapped her in the back and her boobs fell off.
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Yo momma so old she walked into an antique store and they kept her.
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Yo Mama is so old Adam and Eve were at her graduation ceremony.
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Yo mama so old she knew Burger King when he was just a prince.
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Yo mama is so ugly that most Snapchat filters make her better looking.
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Yo mama so ugly she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.
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Your mama is so ugly she made One Direction go in another direction.
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Your momma so ugly when she looks in the mirror the reflection ducks!
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Yo momma is so ugly she made an onion cry.
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Yo momma is so stupid when I said βDrinks are on the houseβ she got a ladder.
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Yo mamaβs so stupid she stared at a cup of orange juice for 12 hours because it said βconcentrateβ.
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Yo momma is so stupid when an intruder broke into her house she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldnβt find the βCALLβ button.
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Yo Mamaβs so stupid she thinks Los Angeles is where God lives with all his angels.
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Yo mama so stupid I said βKool-Aidβ and she jumped through the wall.
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Yo mamaβs so fat when she fell I didnβt laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
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Yo mama is so fat that the National Weather Service names each of her farts.
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Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, βI need your weight, not your phone number.β
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Yo momma so fat she canβt reach her back pocket.
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Yo mama so fat when she died she broke the stairway to heaven.
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Yo mamaβs so fat I swerved to miss her in my car and ran out of gas.
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Why donβt blondes call 911 when they are in an emergency?
Because they canβt find the number eleven on their phone.
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How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
You tell her a joke on Wednesday.
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