Enjoy our team's carefully selected Insect Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
What do you call an Italian mosquito?
Malario.
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A policeman pulls a farmer over for speeding and proceeds to write him a ticket.
The farmer says, “Yeah, we call them that because we see them circling around the rear ends of horses.”
The policeman says, “Hmmm. Did you just call me a horse’s ass?”
The farmer says, “Oh, no sir, officer. I have way too much respect for those who serve in law enforcement to ever say such a thing.”
The policeman says, “Well, that’s a good thing, then.”
The farmer adds, “But it’s hard to fool those circle flies.”
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Little Johnny’s chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
“Now, class. Observe what happens to the two worms,” said the professor, putting the first worm in the glass of water.
The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed.
He then dropped the second worm in the whiskey glass. It writhed for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died.
“Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?” he asked.
Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, “Drink whiskey and you won’t get worms!”
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Why did the blood-sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ice cream.”
“Ice cream, who?”
“Ice cream every time I see a spider.”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Caterpillar.”
“Caterpillar, who?”
“Caterpillar a few mice for you!”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Beetle.”
“Beetle, who?”
“I beetle the other people here. Go me!”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Centipede.”
“Centipede, who?”
“Centipede on the Christmas tree.”
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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What would you call a walking mosquito?
An itch-hiker.
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I heard about a blue tick hound who was feeling down.
His bark was way worse than his bite.
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Adam meets a witch.
The witch tells him: “Tell me I am pretty, or you will be cursed!”
Adam: “Sorry, but I don’t find you attractive.”
Witch: “Take that back, or you most surely will be cursed!
Adam: “Nope. You’re hideous.”
The witch then transformed him into an ant.
Witch: “Look where your rudeness brought you!”
Adam: “Yeah, this sucks, but you still look like a moldy potato.”
Witch: “Very well, then. You will remain in this form until you repent and call me pretty!”
He is still adamant.
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A spider just crawled onto my keyboard.
Don’t worry it’s under ctrl.
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What do spiders eat in Paris?
French flies.
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I asked my friend what spiders eat.
He didn’t know.
He said I should go and check on the web.
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My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it.
We went and had drinks.
Cool guy, wants to be a web designer.
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I’ve just bought a new pair of spider silk trousers.
They look great, but the flies keep getting stuck.
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I was going to buy an exotic spider from the pet shop.
Then I realised I could just get one on the web.
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Too many spiders in your house can turn it into a no fly zone.
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Why do programmers like dark mode?
Because light attracts bugs.
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Mosquito bites nowadays can cause concussion.
Yesterday, one of them bit my friend in his head, but fortunately I was able to kill it with a shovel.
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What would Mario say if he was a mosquito?
It’s me, Malario!
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It was a baby mosquito’s first day to fly out from home.
When the mosquito came back home later that day, his father asked, “How was your journey?”
The baby mosquito replied, “It went great, everyone was clapping for me!”
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Yo mama is so fat a bus hit her and she said “a mosquito”.
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The old mosquito puts the little baby’s to bed and tells them, “If you are good, tomorrow I’m going to take you to the nudists.”
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A man was fishing in the jungle.
After a while another angler came to join him.
“Have you had any bites?” asked the second man.
“Yes, lots,” replied the first one, “but they were all mosquitoes.”
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Chuck Norris doesn’t use OFF!
Mosquitos instinctively know not to bite him.
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Why do gamers hate nature?
Because it’s full of bugs.
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I watched the cricket for four hours today and I finally understand it...
It uses its legs to make a noise.
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I got caught smuggling insects I was anxious.
My heart began to race and I had butterflies in my stomach.
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What did the nervous spider say to the audience?
“Forgive me, guys, but I’ve got butterflies in my stomach.”
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My wife said, “Did you know butterflies only live for one day?”
I said, “That’s a myth.”
She said, “No, it’s definitely a butterfly.”
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I went out the other day and there was a butterfly wrapped up in a web.
A few days later it had turned into a spider.
Natures amazing.
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A fly just fell into my butter.
Now it’s a butterfly.
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3 men talk about their wives.
The first one says, “My wife is like a butterfly—so delicate and pretty.”
The second one, “Mine is like a baby deer—beautiful and gracious.”
After a moment of silence the third one goes, “Now that I think about it mine doesn’t look much human either.”
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I saw a butterfly with no wings today.
I poured some Red Bull on it and BAM... it drowned.
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Today I asked my daughter for a phone book.
She said, “You’re such a boomer,” and handed me her phone.
So, now, the spiders are dead, my daughter’s phone is broken and she’s really mad at me.
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A scientist is doing experiments on an ant.
He puts the ant on the table and says, “Walk, ant, walk!”
The ant walks to the other side of the table.
The man writes in his notepad: The ant with 6 legs walks.
He then proceeds to take one leg off the insect and repeats the same process.
“Walk, ant, walk!”
The ant walks slower but reaches the other side of the table.
The scientist writes in his notepad: The ant with 5 legs walks.
After repeating the process 4 more times, he takes off the final leg, puts it on the table, and says, “Walk, ant, walk!”
The ant doesn’t move, so he tries again, “Walk, ant, walk!”
Again, the ant doesn’t move, so he writes in his notepad: The ant with 0 legs becomes deaf.
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Why are the most attractive males in the anthill also very learned?
Because they’re stud-ants.
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At the request of my wife, I have placed an order for a box of ants to be shipped from Italy.
She said we need more Rome ants in our relationship.
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What’s the largest species of ants?
Gi-ants.
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Why did the house owner not allow the nine ants to enter?
Because they were not ten ants.
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Where do most ants live?
In Antlantic City.
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Why did the nutty kid throw butter out of the window?
He wanted to see a butterfly.
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“Do you know the difference between a fly and an elephant?”
“No.”
“Wow! You’d better see somebody then.”
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What do heroes like Spider-Man and Ant-Man have in common?
They bug the villains!
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What did Bruce Banner say to Spider-Man?
Don’t bug me!
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What is Spider-Man’s favorite day of the week?
Flyday.
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What is Spider-Man’s favorite sport?
Fly fishing.
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What is Spider-Man’s favorite food?
French flies.
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What is Spider-Man’s favorite online music app?
Spot-a-fly.
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Spider-Man was found dead this morning.
Police believe he committed insecticide.
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I went to watch Spider-Man playing baseball.
He was great at catching flies.
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I told my friends I was a blood-sucking insect from the moon.
They said I was a luna tick.
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It’s so hot fire ants are really on fire.
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Scientists experimented on a rabbit and a bug, guess what they get?
A bugs bunny.
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The insects that smell the best are deodor-ants.
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A woman asks a waiter, “What is this fly doing in my Ice cream?!”
The waiter says, “Shivering, madam.”
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Roland, an Englishman went to Spain on a fishing trip.
While there, Roland hired a Spanish guide to help him find the best fishing spots. Since Roland was learning Spanish, he asked the guide to speak to him in Spanish and to correct any mistakes of usage.
Together they were hiking on a mountain trail when a very large, purple and blue fly crossed their path.
The Englishmen pointed at the insect with his fishing rod, and announced, “Mira el mosca.”
The guide, sensing a teaching opportunity to teach Roland, replied, “No, senor, “la mosca”, es feminina.”
Roland looked at him in amazement, then back at the fly, and then said, “Good heavens... you must have incredibly good eyesight.”
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Why do anteaters never get colds?
Because their noses are full of anty-bodies!
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How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl?
They’re all girls! If they were boys, they’d be uncles.
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Why are spiders so smart?
They can find everything on the web.
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What insect comes from the moon?
A luna tick!
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