In Love Jokes



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In Love Jokes


I spent a year writing a romance novel where two blood cells meet and fall in love.

It never got published.

It was all in vein.

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What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice?

Neck-romance-y.

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I heard that a blue jay and a cardinal fell in love.

But their relationship was a little blue-blooded.

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A prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each year. If he didnโ€™t speak for two years, the following year he could speak two words, and so on.

One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady. He refrained from speaking for two whole years so he could call her โ€œmy darlingโ€.

But then he wanted to tell her he loved her, so he waited three more years.ย 

At the end of these five years, he wanted to ask her to marry him, so he waited another four years.ย 

Finally, as the ninth year of silence ended, he led the lady to the most romantic place in the kingdom and said, โ€œMy darling, I love you! Will you marry me?โ€ย 

And the lady said, โ€œPardon?โ€

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I just told my crush that Iโ€™m in love with her. She said that she sees me as her brother.

Iโ€™m just lucky she is from Alabama.

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Scarlett Johansson is on a plane that crashes on a remote island.

She and some regular guy are the only two survivors.

They make the best of their situation, scavenge what supplies they can from the plane, and try to keep going.

They build a little hut on the beach andโ€”both of them having certain โ€œneedsโ€โ€”eventually start hooking up.

This keeps going as months turn into years and they fall in love.

One day she notices he looks depressed.

Scarlett says to him, โ€œListen, that plane crash was the best thing that ever happened to me because it means that the two of us are together. If there is anything at all I can do to cheer you up, please let me know.โ€

He tells her, โ€œActually, there is something. Put on a set of my clothes and tuck your hair up under one of my hats. Rub mud on your face so it looks like a beard and start walking down the beach.โ€

Scarlett thinks this is weird but, wanting to make him happy, goes along with it.

Once she gets about 200 yards down she turns around and sees her boyfriend running up to her shouting, โ€œBRO! BRO! Youโ€™ll never believe who Iโ€™m sleeping with!โ€

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Roses are red, cacti are thorny.

When Iโ€™m around you, you make me very...HAPPY!

I guess what Iโ€™m trying to say is aloe you very much.

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You donut know how much I love you!

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Yo mama so fat Cupidโ€™s arrows couldnโ€™t pierce her.

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One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, โ€œDad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan.โ€

After dinner, Georgeโ€™s dad took him aside, โ€œSon, I have to talk with you. Look at your mother, George. She and I have been married 30 years, sheโ€™s a wonderful wife and mother, but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot.โ€

โ€œSusan is actually your half-sister, and Iโ€™m afraid you canโ€™t marry her.โ€

George was brokenhearted.

After eight months he eventually started dating girls again.

A year later he came home and very proudly announced, โ€œDiane said yes! Weโ€™re getting married in June.โ€

Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news, โ€œDiane is your half-sister too, George. Iโ€™m awfully sorry about this.โ€

George was livid! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news his father had shared.

โ€œDad has done so much harm. I guess Iโ€™m never going to get married,โ€ he complained. โ€œEvery time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half-sister.โ€

โ€œHee hee,โ€ his mother chuckled, shaking her head, โ€œDonโ€™t pay any attention to what he says. Heโ€™s not really your father.โ€

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โ€œDad, did you ever fall in love?โ€

โ€œYes, son. I did once.โ€

โ€œAnd, what happened?โ€

โ€œIn the beginning it was fantastic, but then your mother found out.โ€

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Guys think that what women wish for is to find the perfect guy and fall in love...

WRONG... What every woman really wishes for is to be able to eat anything they want and not get fat.

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