Human Resources Jokes



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Human Resources Jokes


What’s an HR professional’s favorite hobby?

Filing. They just love putting everyone in their place.

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How many HR people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, the other to investigate the lightbulb’s complaint it was touched inappropriately.

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What’s the most common disease in HR departments?

Staff infections.

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An employee’s monthly salary was typically 2500$. However, one month, he received 2700$ and decided to remain silent about the discrepancy. The following month, his paycheck only amounted to 2300$, prompting him to march directly to the HR manager to voice his complaint.

The HR manager, somewhat puzzled, inquired why there hadn’t been a complaint the previous month when an extra 200 had been received.

With a slight smirk, the individual responded, β€œI’m usually one to forgive the first mistake, but I simply can’t tolerate it when a second one is made.”

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HR: β€œThis is your revised salary. We recommend you keep it confidential.”

Employee: β€œDon’t worry, I’m equally ashamed of it.”

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What does Dr. Frankenstein call the cemetery?

Human Resources.

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Employee: β€œYour careers page says the company offers a competitive salary. What does that mean exactly?”

HR: β€œThat means your salary will be competing with your bills.”

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Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, β€œAnd what starting salary are you looking for?”

The engineer replies, β€œIn the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”

The interviewer inquires, β€œWell, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?”

The engineer sits up straight and says, β€œWow! Are you kidding?”

The interviewer replies, β€œYeah, but you started it.”

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