Hotel Jokes



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Hotel Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Hotel Jokes


A haggard old lady rides in a fancy hotel’s elevator.

On the second floor, a beautiful woman steps on and arrogantly says to the old lady, “Giorgio, $100 an ounce.”

On the next floor, an equally beautiful woman steps on and says, “Chanel, $150 an ounce.”

The old lady’s floor approaches and as the doors open, she bends over, farts and says, “Broccoli, 49 cents a pound.”

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A colleague was planning a trip to my business office and asked if I could find him a hotel with exercise facilities.

I called several hotels, with no luck. Finally, I thought I had found one. I asked the receptionist if the hotel had a weight room.

“No,” she replied, “but we have a lobby, and you can wait there.”

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A person checks into a hotel for the first time in his life, and goes up to his room.

Five minutes later, he calls the desk and say, “You’ve given me a room with no exit. How do I leave?”

The desk clerk says, “Sir, that’s absurd. Have you looked for the door?”

The person says, “Well, there’s one door that leads to the bathroom. There’s a second door that goes into the closet. And there’s a door I haven’t tried, but it has a “Do not disturb” sign on it.”

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A hotel is a place that keeps the manufacturers of 25-watt bulbs in business.

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A man called the hotel manager.

He said, “Come up quickly, I fought with my wife, and now she wants to throw herself out the window!”

The manager replied, “Sir, this is a personal matter, and we can’t get involved. I can call sec…”

The man interrupted, “No! This is a maintenance issue. The window won’t open!”

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I was staying at a hotel.

Some people took the stairs to their rooms, and some took the elevator.

Right then I realized everyone was raised differently.

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I’m pretty sure that the hotel receptionist was checking me out.

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A blind man visits Texas.

When he gets to his hotel room, he feels the bed, “Wow, this bed is big!”

“Everything is bigger in Texas,” says the bellhop.

The man heads downstairs to the bar, settles into a huge bar stool and orders a beer.

A mug is placed between his hands, “Wow, these drinks are big!”

The bartender replies, “Everything is big in Texas.”

After downing a few drinks, the blind man asks where the bathroom is.

“Second door to the right,” says the bartender.

The blind man heads for the bathroom but accidentally enters the third door, which leads to the swimming pool, and he falls in.

Popping his head up from under the water and flailing his arms, he shouts, “Don’t flush, don’t flush!”

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Hotel receptionists always seem to be such massive perverts.

They spend all day checking people out.

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The hotel I stayed in recently tried to charge me $10 for using the A/C.

That wasn’t cool.

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I stayed in a hotel recently where the towels were so thick...

I could hardly close my suitcase.

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Two drunk guys walk into a hotel.

Skippering one word after another, they finally manage to make themselves understood by the girl at the reception.

“So you want the cheapest double room we have, right? The only free one is on the 100th floor, but the elevator is broken.”

The two guys, in order not to spend the night sleeping on a bench, load their luggage and leave for the staircase.

Since one hundred floors, drunk and with heavy bags is a really tough challenge, they decide to tell a joke every five floors.

When they reach the fiftieth floor, one of them starts laughing.

“What happened? Have you remembered a very good joke?” asks the first.

“This joke is just so hilarious! Actually, it’s so good that I’ll save it for later!” answers the second guy.

When they reach the 75th floor, the same guy bursts laughing even harder.

“Are you okay? Are you still thinking about that joke from earlier?” asks worried the first.

“Yeah, but this one is soooooo good, I’ll save it for when we finish,” answers the other guy.

Finally, exhausted and tired, they reach the 100th floor.

Panting, the first boy asks, “So, what is this joke that has tormented you so much?”

Still breathless, the other replies, “Hey, do you remember the girl who was at the reception? Here, we left before she gave us the keys.”

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A lady decided to give herself a big treat for her 60th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice, luxurious hotel.

The following morning, she was appalled when the desk clerk gave her a bill for $250.00. She requested to know why the charge was too high.

“It’s a nice hotel, but the rooms certainly aren’t worth $250.00 for just an overnight stay! I didn’t even have breakfast,” she told the clerk.

The clerk clarified that $250.00 is the standard rate. At that point, the older lady insisted on talking with the manager.

The manager showed up and explained that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use.

“But I didn’t use them,” the old woman said.

“Well, they are here, and you could have,” he replied.

The manager proceeded with that she could likewise have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which the hotel is famous.

“We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here,” he said.

“But I didn’t go to any of those shows,” she said.

The manager replied, “Well, we have them, and you could have.”

Regardless of what facility he recommended, the older lady would just answer, “But I didn’t use it!”

The manager then countered with his standard reaction. After several minutes of contending with him, she chose to pay.

The manager was shocked when she gave the check to him.

“But madam, this check is for only $50.00,” he said.

“That is right. I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me,” the old lady replied.

“But I didn’t!” the manager shouted.

“Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have.”

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The reason that no one has returned to the moon for so long is that every time someone tries to book a hotel there, it’s full...

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After being nearly snowbound for two weeks last winter, a Seattle man departed for his vacation in Miami Beach, where he was to meet his wife the next day at the conclusion of her business trip to Minneapolis. They were looking forward to pleasant weather and a nice time together.

Unfortunately, there was some sort of mix-up at the boarding gate, and the man was told he would have to wait for a later flight. He tried to appeal to a supervisor but was told the airline was not responsible for the problem and that it would do no good to complain.

Upon arrival at the hotel the next day, he discovered that Miami Beach was having a heat wave, and its weather was almost as uncomfortably hot as Seattle’s was cold.

The desk clerk gave him a message that his wife would arrive as planned.

He could hardly wait to get to the pool area to cool off, and quickly sent his wife an e-mail, but due to his haste, he made an error in the e-mail address.

His message, therefore, arrived at the home of an elderly preacher’s wife whose even older husband had died only the day before.

When the grieving widow opened her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out an anguished scream, and fell to the floor dead.

Her family rushed to her room where they saw this message on the screen:

Dearest wife,

Departed yesterday as you know. Just now got checked in. Some confusion at the gate. Appeal was denied. Received confirmation of your arrival tomorrow.

Your loving husband.

PS. Things are not as we thought. You’re going to be surprised at how hot it is down here.

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A married couple is celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.

They celebrate it in the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 50 years ago.

The next morning at breakfast the man says to his wife, “Isn’t it unbelievable that we have been together for 50 years?”

The wife replies saying, “Yes it is, we are even sitting at the same table as we did 50 years ago, only back then we were sitting here without clothes,” with a naughty voice.

Both don’t doubt for a moment and they take off their clothes. They sit back down at the table giggling.

The wife says, “You know honey, even my mamillae are just as hot as 50 years ago.”

“No wonder,” the man replies, “one of them is hanging in your tea and the other one in your soup!”

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