Jokes About Hot

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Hot Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

It So Hot Jokes One-Liners

It is so hot by the time I got home from buying eggs, I had twelve chicks in the bag.

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It is so hot potatoes cook underground.

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It is so hot the trees are whistling for the dogs.

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It’s so hot that I saw a fire hydrant chasing a dog.

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It’s so hot that farmers are feeding ice to the chickens so they won’t lay boiled eggs.

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It’s so hot that my kite crashed and burned.

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It’s so hot that you can tell who has plastic surgery.

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It’s so hot that the soles of my shoes melted.

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It’s so hot that you can poach eggs in a pool.

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It’s so hot that the clams were already steamed when I dug them up.

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It’s so hot that firecrackers light themselves.

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It’s so hot that my clothes dried right after I took them out of the washing machine.

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It’s so hot that Satan went back to hell to cool down.

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It’s so hot that my popcorn seeds starting popping.

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It’s so hot you need a spatula to remove your clothing.

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It’s so hot fire ants are really on fire.

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It’s so hot I saw a squirrel picking up nuts with pot holders.

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It’s so hot Siri asked to be dipped in a glass of ice water.

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It’s so hot in the Apple store because they have no Windows.

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It’s so hot my dream house in any house in Alaska.

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It’s so hot all the sand on the beach is now glass.

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It’s so hot my campfire lit itself.

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It’s so hot the catfish are already fried when you catch them.

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It’s so hot out, I baked lasagna in my mailbox.

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It’s so hot the frozen pizza I bought at the grocery store was ready to eat by the time I got home.

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It’s so hot out, I walked through a car wash to remember what rain felt like.

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It’s so hot, that you could actually cook a full English breakfast on my forehead.

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It’s so hot even the artificial flowers are dying.

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It’s so hot, I went outside for a smoke and the cigarette lit itself.

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It’s so hot the birds are using oven mitts to pull worms out of the ground.

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It’s so hot, all the bread in the store is toast.

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It’s so hot I started putting ice cubes in my waterbed.

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It’s so hot you discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.

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It’s so hot and humid outside, the air ironed the wrinkles out of my shirt.

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It’s so hot the cows are producing evaporated milk.

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It’s so hot my Iceberg lettuce melted.

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It’s so hot that I have taken to leaving the toilet seat up just to get those chilling, icy stares from my wife.

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Dad Jokes About Hot Weather

Which is faster, heat or cold?

Heat, because you can catch a cold.

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Why do bananas use sunscreen?

So they don’t peel.

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What do you call a snowman in summer?

A puddle.

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What’s the best way to watch a fishing tournament?

By live stream.

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Why did the robot go on vacation?

He needed to recharge his batteries.

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What do you call a cantaloupe in a swimming pool?

A watermelon.

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What do snowmen do in summer?

Chillout.

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Why are mountains the funniest places to go for summer vacation?

Because they are hill-arious!

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What do you do if you get rejected for a job at the sunscreen company?

Reapply.

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What happened after the mom purchased a loaf of bread from Albertsons?

By the time she got home, it was toast!

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What happens to pigs when they stay in the sun too long?

Turn into bacon.

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Yo Mama So Hot Jokes

Yo mama is so hot, she makes the sun sweat.

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Yo mama so hot, when she got into the Arctic Ocean, it turned into a hot tub.

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Your mama so hot, when she visits Antarctica, locals call it summertime.

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Your mama so hot, rangers banned her from National Parks for starting forest fires.

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Your mama so hot, her hugs give third-degree burns.

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Your mama so hot, scientists deemed her the leading cause of global warming.

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Yo momma so hot, doctors say her blood type is lava.

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Your mama so hot, when Electra and Haspiel saw her, they burned to death.

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Your mama is so hot, I gotta wear oven mitts to touch her.

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Yo mama so hot, she makes jalapeños cry.

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Yo mama is so hot, she makes the sun look like Antarctica.

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Temperature Jokes

When asked the temperature I enjoy giving it in Kelvin.

I’m losing my friends by degrees.

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Husband says to his wife.

Husband: “I’m going down to the pub, get your coat on.

Wife: “Ooh, am I coming?”

Husband: “No, I’m turning the heating off.”

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Two Canadians die and end up in Hell.

Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing.

Confused, he asks them why they’re happy.

They tell him, “Well, we’re so sick of the cold where we’re from, and this place is nice and toasty.”

Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell’s boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.

He goes back to the Canadians’ room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down.

He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue.

Furiously, he asks them what they’re doing.

“Well, we can’t pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!”

Satan realizes he’s been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it’s at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.

He knows he’s won now, so he goes back to the Canadians’ room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.

He shouts at them in fury, “WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!”

They look at him and shout at the same time, “Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!”

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Short Jokes About Hot

Why don’t mummies ever take a summer vacation?

They’re afraid to unwind.

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Why doesn’t summer have any friends?

Because it’s not cool enough.

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The new Ford F-150 comes with a heated tailgate.

That way you can keep your hands warm when you’re pushing it home in the winter!

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My landlord says he needs to come talk to me about how high my heating bill is.

I told him, “My door is always open!”

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Two dragons walk into a bar.

The first one says, “It sure is hot in here.”

His friend snaps back, “Shut your mouth!”

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Long but Funny Hot Jokes in English

Many years ago in an Indian city-state there lived a very poor fisherman.

One day, he has an especially good haul and earned a glistening gold coin.

Elated but afraid to lose it, he decided he’d hide his treasure in the kingdom’s Northern wall between a crack in the bricks. He then returned home.

Months later, he finds that his pockets have run dry and desperately needs money for food.

Suddenly, he remembers the gold coin he hid and takes off towards the kingdom’s Northern wall in the blazing summer heat.

On his long run towards his hiding place, he passes the royal palace, where the king is relaxing idly on the balcony.

The king spots him and tells his guards, “This man should not be running in such heat. Fetch him for me, I want to learn of his purpose.”

The fisherman is brought before the king and explains what he is doing.

“No one should have to run in such heat. Here, take a gold coin and return home,” states the king.

The fisherman replies, “Thank you, but I would like to get the coin in the wall that I have earned, it means a lot to me.”

The king then offers two coins but gets the same response.

Perplexed at this man’s determination, he steadily raises his offer but to no avail.

Eventually, the king gets frustrated and cries out, “I will give you half my kingdom if you give up on this coin!”

The fisherman thinks for a minute and finally agrees.

The king, finally satisfied, leaves.

At the fisherman’s coronation ceremony days later, the king finally says, “It is time for you to receive half of this kingdom. What half of the kingdom do you desire?”

The fisherman replies, “The northern half.”

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A young Arab boy asks his father, “What is that strange hat you are wearing?”

The father said, “Why, my son, it is a “chechia”. In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.”

“And what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?” asked the boy.

“Oh, my son!” exclaimed the father, “It is very simple. This is a “djbellah”. As I have told you, in the desert it is not only very hot, but the sand is always blowing. My “djbellah” protects the entire body.”

The son then asked, “But Father, what about those ugly shoes you have on your feet?”

“These are “babouches” my son,” the father replied. You must understand that although the desert sands are very beautiful, they are also extremely hot. These “babouches” keep us from burning our feet.”

“So tell me then,” added the boy.

“Yes, my son...”

“Why are we living in Birmingham and still wearing all this poop?

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After being nearly snowbound for two weeks last winter, a Seattle man departed for his vacation in Miami Beach, where he was to meet his wife the next day at the conclusion of her business trip to Minneapolis. They were looking forward to pleasant weather and a nice time together.

Unfortunately, there was some sort of mix-up at the boarding gate, and the man was told he would have to wait for a later flight. He tried to appeal to a supervisor but was told the airline was not responsible for the problem and it would do no good to complain.

Upon arrival at the hotel the next day, he discovered that Miami Beach was having a heat wave, and its weather was almost as uncomfortably hot as Seattle’s was cold.

The desk clerk gave him a message that his wife would arrive as planned.

He could hardly wait to get to the pool area to cool off, and quickly sent his wife an e-mail, but due to his haste, he made an error in the e-mail address.

His message, therefore, arrived at the home of an elderly preacher’s wife whose even older husband had died only the day before.

When the grieving widow opened her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out an anguished scream, and fell to the floor dead.

Her family rushed to her room where they saw this message on the screen:

Dearest wife,

Departed yesterday as you know. Just now got checked in. Some confusion at the gate. Appeal was denied. Received confirmation of your arrival tomorrow.

Your loving husband.

PS. Things are not as we thought. You’re going to be surprised at how hot it is down here.

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A married couple is celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.

They celebrate it in the same hotel as where they spent their honeymoon 50 years ago.

The next morning at breakfast the man says to his wife, “Isn’t it unbelievable that we have been together for 50 years?”

The wife replies saying, “Yes it is, we are even sitting at the same table as we did 50 years ago, only back then we were sitting here naked,” with a naughty voice.

Both don’t doubt for a moment and they take off their clothes. They sit back down at the table giggling.

The wife says, “You know honey, even my nipples are just as hot as 50 years ago.”

“No wonder,” the man replies, “one of them is hanging in your tea and the other one in your soup!”

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A blonde, brunette and redhead are in a desert.

The brunette says, “I brought some water so we don’t get dehydrated.”

The redhead says, “I brought some suntan lotion so we don’t get sunburned.”

Then the blonde says, “I brought a car door.”

The other girls ask, “Why did you bring that?”

The blonde says, “So I can roll down the window if it gets hot.”

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