Horse Puns and Hilarious Horse Jokes



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Horse Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Horse Jokes


A boss was waiting in his office one day when he noticed that all of his workers were missing.

He waits a few more minutes before the first worker comes in.

โ€œWhy were you late?โ€ asked the boss.

Sounding exhausted, the worker says, โ€œSorry boss, but my car broke down on the way to work so I tried the bus, but the bus broke down so I hailed a cab, but the cab broke down, but fortunately I was near a stable, but the horse ran so fast it had a heart attack and I had to jog the rest of the way.โ€

The boss thinks nothing of it and sends the worker off.

The next 2 workers come in to check in and the boss asks them the same question, โ€œWhy were you late?โ€

The workers give the boss the exact same reason, โ€œSorry boss, but my car broke down on the way to work so I tried the bus, but the bus broke down so I hailed a cab, but the cab broke down, but fortunately I was near a stable, but the horse ran so fast it had a heart attack and I had to jog the rest of the way.โ€

The boss thinks that he must be losing his mind, but sends the workers off anyways.

Finally, the last worker comes in and the boss says, โ€œLet me guess, your car broke down on the way to work so you tried the bus, but the bus broke down so you hailed a cab, but the cab broke down, but fortunately, you were near a stable, but the horse ran so fast it had a heart attack and you had to jog the rest of the way?โ€

The worker said, โ€œNo boss, you got it all wrong, you see, there were so many broken down cars, buses, cabs, dead horses and crazed joggers in the streets, it was impossible to get through.โ€

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I went to a church menโ€™s campout a few years back. Everyone was sitting around the fire cooking breakfast.

Joe, an old-time rancher, starts cooking some homemade sausage.

A few minutes go by, then someone asks, โ€œHey Joe, what kind of sausage is that? It smells good.โ€

โ€œTo which Joe replies, โ€œChocolate sausage.โ€

This gets everyoneโ€™s attention.

When the sausage finished cooking, Joe offers a piece to anyone who wanted to try it.

A few of the guys take a cut and eat it, then get confused looks on their faces.

The same guy asks Joe again, โ€œThis doesnโ€™t taste any different than normal sausage. Chocolate?..โ€

Still waking up, Joe clears his throat and says, โ€œThe horse was named Chocolate.โ€

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Why did the man intentionally get kicked in the face by a horse?

He wanted a horseshoe mustache.

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Guess what horses, donkeys, cows, goats, and sheep all have in common?

Theyโ€™re all very stable animals.

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What do you call a female horse that refuses to work while the sun is up?

A Nightmare!

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A blonde buys two horses and she canโ€™t tell them apart.

So she asks the farmer next door what to do. He says to cut one of their tails off.

So she does. But then the other horseโ€™s tail gets caught in a bush and rips off.

So she canโ€™t tell them apart again.

She asks the farmer for advice a second time. He tells her to cut one of the horsesโ€™ ears.

So she does. But then the other horse gets its ear ripped in a barbed wire fence. She is still confused.

She asks the farmer what to do. He tells her to measure them.

She comes back and says, โ€œThe white horse is 2 inches taller than the black horse!โ€

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President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles.

Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.

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A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, โ€œHey.โ€

The horse said, โ€œNah, just beer, please. I just ate.โ€

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A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender asked him, โ€œWhy the long face?โ€

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A racehorse owner takes his horse to the vet.

โ€œWill I be able to race this horse again?โ€ he asks.

The vet replies: โ€œOf course you will, and youโ€™ll probably win!โ€

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Knock! Knock!

โ€œWhoโ€™s there?โ€

โ€œHorsp.โ€

โ€œHorsp, who?โ€

Did you just say โ€œhorse poo?โ€

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Why did the owner name his racehorse โ€œBad Newsโ€?

Because bad news travels fast.

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