Hiking Jokes

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Hiking Jokes

A lost hiker is on one side of a raging river when he sees a Buddhist monk on the other side.

There are no bridges. He has no boat.

He shouts out to the monk on the opposite bank, โ€œHow do I get to the other side?โ€

The Buddhist monk shouts back, โ€œYou are on the other side!โ€

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A Scottish man visits Canada for the first time. He goes for a hike and sees a moose.

He asks the park ranger, โ€œOi! What animal is that then?โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s a moose,โ€ the ranger replied.

โ€œA moose!โ€ exclaimed the Scotsman. โ€œIf that thereโ€™s a moose, dear laddie, ye must have rats the size of elephants then!โ€

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An engineer, a scientist, a mathematician, and a philosopher are hiking through the hills of Scotland, when they see a lone black sheep in a field.

The engineer says, โ€œWhat do you know, it looks like the sheep around here are black.โ€

The scientist looks at him skeptically and replies, โ€œWell, at least SOME of them are.โ€

The mathematician considers this for a moment and replies, โ€œWell, at least ONE of them is.โ€

Then the philosopher turns to them and says, โ€œWell, at least ON ONE SIDE.โ€

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Two guys are walking through a national park and they come across a bear that has not eaten for days.

The bear sees the two men and starts chasing them. They run as fast as they can.

One guy starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, โ€œPlease turn this bear into a Christian, Lord.โ€

He looks to see if the bear is still chasing, and he sees the bear on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the bear.

As he comes closer to the bear, he hears it saying a prayer, โ€œThank you, Lord, for the food I am about to receive.โ€

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When I heard a concerning noise coming from a nearby tree, I asked it, โ€œAre you oak-ay?โ€

It replied back, โ€œOh, Iโ€™m completely pine.โ€

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Guess what kind of hike I went on today?

I hiked my pants.

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Roland, an Englishman went to Spain on a fishing trip.

While there, Roland hired a Spanish guide to help him find the best fishing spots. Since Roland was learning Spanish, he asked the guide to speak to him in Spanish and to correct any mistakes of usage.

Together they were hiking on a mountain trail when a very large, purple and blue fly crossed their path.

The Englishmen pointed at the insect with his fishing rod, and announced, โ€œMira el mosca.โ€

The guide, sensing a teaching opportunity to teach Roland, replied, โ€œNo, senor, โ€œla moscaโ€, es feminina.โ€

Roland looked at him in amazement, then back at the fly, and then said, โ€œGood heavens... you must have incredibly good eyesight.โ€

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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip.

After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

โ€œWatson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.โ€

Watson replied, โ€œI see millions of stars.โ€

โ€œWhat does that tell you?โ€

Watson pondered for a minute.

โ€œAstronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What does it tell you, Holmes?โ€

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke:

โ€œWatson, you idiot! Someone has stolen our tent!โ€

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