Hiker Jokes

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Hiker Jokes

Important Announcement:

In light of the rising frequency of human and grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field.

They advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren’t expecting them.

They also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear.

It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear dung:

1. Black bear dung is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur.

2. Grizzly bear dung has little bells in it and smells like pepper.

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What would you call a walking mosquito?

An itch-hiker.

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A Scottish man visits Canada for the first time. He goes for a hike and sees a moose.

He asks the park ranger, “Oi! What animal is that then?”

“That’s a moose,” the ranger replied.

“A moose!” exclaimed the Scotsman. “If that there’s a moose, dear laddie, ye must have rats the size of elephants then!”

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An engineer, a scientist, a mathematician, and a philosopher are hiking through the hills of Scotland, when they see a lone black sheep in a field.

The engineer says, “What do you know, it looks like the sheep around here are black.”

The scientist looks at him skeptically and replies, “Well, at least SOME of them are.”

The mathematician considers this for a moment and replies, “Well, at least ONE of them is.”

Then the philosopher turns to them and says, “Well, at least ON ONE SIDE.”

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Roland, an Englishman went to Spain on a fishing trip.

While there, Roland hired a Spanish guide to help him find the best fishing spots. Since Roland was learning Spanish, he asked the guide to speak to him in Spanish and to correct any mistakes of usage.

Together they were hiking on a mountain trail when a very large, purple and blue fly crossed their path.

The Englishmen pointed at the insect with his fishing rod, and announced, “Mira el mosca.”

The guide, sensing a teaching opportunity to teach Roland, replied, “No, senor, “la mosca”, es feminina.”

Roland looked at him in amazement, then back at the fly, and then said, “Good heavens... you must have incredibly good eyesight.”

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