Enjoy our team's carefully selected Heart Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
How did a wife challenge her husband during his heart attack?
By asking for his phone’s passcode before calling 911.
😄 😄 😄
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
😄 😄 😄
A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.
The store clerk called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor.
The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital.
A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms and a pen.
She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.
“Do you have health insurance?” she asked.
He replied in a raspy voice, “No health insurance.”
The nun asked, “Do you have money in the bank?”
He replied, “No money in the bank.”
Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?” asked the irritated nun.
He said, “I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun.”
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, “Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.”
The patient replied, “Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law.”
😄 😄 😄
I have the eyes of a hawk, the heart of a lion, the ears of a fox.
And a lifetime ban from the zoo.
😄 😄 😄
Never break someone’s heart, they only have one.
Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
😄 😄 😄
Why did Dracula become a vegetarian?
Because his doctor said steaks were bad for his heart.
😄 😄 😄
The bad news: I took the wrong medication today.
The good news: For the next 3 months I’m protected against heartworms and fleas.
😄 😄 😄
Please, donut break my heart.
😄 😄 😄
What do love and fatty foods have in common?
They both go straight for your heart!
😄 😄 😄
What did the serial killer give his lover for Valentine’s day?
His heart! (Well, not his.)
😄 😄 😄
A couple is on a date at a fancy restaurant. The woman tells the man to say something to her that will get her heart racing.
He replies, “I forgot my wallet.”
😄 😄 😄
I love you with all my butt.
I would say my heart, but it’s just not as big.
😄 😄 😄
I love Valentine’s Day: the bottle of wine, the heart-shaped ice cream cake...
Taking them home and eating them alone while crying and watching YouTube videos.
Good times.
😄 😄 😄
I have so mush-room in my heart for you.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Cumin.”
“Cumin, who?”
“Don’t break my heart, I’m only cumin.”
😄 😄 😄
