Enjoy our team's carefully selected Hand Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
How does a carpenter order 5 beers?
With 2 hands.
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Why was the T-Rex Cafe always hiring?
No matter what, they always seemed a bit short handed.
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Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying “Employees must wash hands”.
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
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Chuck Norris can clap with one hand!
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The red panda had a wild night last night.
He was caught red-handed.
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Why does it take 100 mink to make a fur coat?
Because they are lazy and have small hands.
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Teacher: “Which is the best hand to use when writing something, the left hand or the right hand?”
Pupil: “None of them. It’s better to use a pen or pencil.”
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What do you call a left-handed woman with a gunshot wound in her right arm?
An ambulance.
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I’ve studied Basic Human Anatomy so much.
I know it like the back of my hand.
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Why are T-Rex’s unable to clap their hands?
Because they are extinct.
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Where did Luke get his cybernetic hand?
The second hand store.
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Why does Spider-Man have shaky hands?
He has Peter Parkinsons.
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Why did the cow jump over the Harvest Moon?
Because the farmer had cold hands!
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Yo mama’s so fat when Vader cut off her hand gravy would have come out had it not been cauterized by the lightsaber.
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You know what they say “Big shoes, big nose, big hands”?
Probably a clown.
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The most loyal, kind and noble of all dog breeds is the hot dog.
He’s the only one who feeds the hand that bites him.
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Why did the pirate cross the road?
To get to the second-hand shop.
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A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea.
The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
The seaman asks, “So, how did you end up with the pegleg?”
The pirate replies, “We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off.”
“Wow!” said the seaman.
“What about your hook?”
“Well,” replied the pirate, “we were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemies cut my hand off.”
“Incredible!” remarked the seaman.
“How did you get the eye patch?”
“A seagull dropping fell into my eye,” replied the pirate.
“You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?” the sailor asked incredulously.
“Well,” said the pirate, “it was my first day with my hook...”
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The new Ford F-150 comes with a heated tailgate.
That way you can keep your hands warm when you’re pushing it home in the winter!
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Math teacher: “If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?”
Student: “A drinking problem.”
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What’s worse than having a big nose?
Having a big nose and tiny hands!
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