Hand Jokes



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Hand Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Hand Jokes


The red panda had a wild night last night.

He was caught red-handed.

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Why does it take 100 mink to make a fur coat?

Because they are lazy and have small hands.

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Teacher: β€œWhich is the best hand to use when writing something, the left hand or the right hand?”

Pupil: β€œNone of them. It’s better to use a pen or pencil.”

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What do you call a left-handed woman with a gunshot wound in her right arm?

An ambulance.

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I’ve studied Basic Human Anatomy so much.

I know it like the back of my hand.

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Why are T-Rex’s unable to clap their hands?

Because they are extinct.

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Where did Luke get his cybernetic hand?

The second hand store.

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Why does Spider-Man have shaky hands?

He has Peter Parkinsons.

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Why did the cow jump over the Harvest Moon?

Because the farmer had cold hands!

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Yo mama’s so fat when Vader cut off her hand gravy would have come out had it not been cauterized by the lightsaber.

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You know what they say β€œBig shoes, big nose, big hands”?

Probably a clown.

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The most loyal, kind and noble of all dog breeds is the hot dog.

He’s the only one who feeds the hand that bites him.

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Why did the pirate cross the road?

To get to the second-hand shop.

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A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea.

The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch.

The seaman asks, β€œSo, how did you end up with the pegleg?”

The pirate replies, β€œWe were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off.”

β€œWow!” said the seaman.

β€œWhat about your hook?”

β€œWell,” replied the pirate, β€œwe were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemies cut my hand off.”

β€œIncredible!” remarked the seaman.

β€œHow did you get the eye patch?”

β€œA seagull dropping fell into my eye,” replied the pirate.

β€œYou lost your eye to a seagull dropping?” the sailor asked incredulously.

β€œWell,” said the pirate, β€œit was my first day with my hook...”

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The new Ford F-150 comes with a heated tailgate.

That way you can keep your hands warm when you’re pushing it home in the winter!

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Math teacher: β€œIf I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?”

Student: β€œA drinking problem.”

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What’s worse than having a big nose?

Having a big nose and tiny hands!

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