Enjoy our team's carefully selected Green Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence.
He pulls him out and says, “Sorry, you know the law, you’ve got to go back across the border right now.”
The Mexican man pleads with them, “No, noooo Senor, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!”
The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, “I’m going to make it hard for him.”
He says, “Ok, I’ll let you stay if you can use three English words in a sentence. The three words are ‘green’, ‘pink’, and ‘yellow’.”
The Mexican man thinks, then says, “Hmmm, okay. The phone, it went green, green, green. I pink it up and sez “yellow?”.”
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A man went to the pet shop to buy a budgie.
“I would like a blue budgie please” he said to the assistant.
“I haven’t got a blue one,” the assistant replied. “I’ll sell you a green one and a tin of paint. You can paint it yourself.”
“OK,” said the man, “that’ll do.”
The next day, the man comes back. The budgie is dead.
“Look at this,” said the man. “It died while I was painting it.”
“That’s odd,” said the assistant, “I’m sure that paint was safe.”
The man replies, “I never got round to painting it. It died when I was burning the old paint off…”
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Why was red in awe of orange?
Because orange blue green.
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What did the blue crayon say to the green crayon?
“You’re green-crayon me!”
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What do we learn from cows, buffaloes, and elephants?
It’s impossible to reduce weight by eating green grass and salads and walking.
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What is small, square and green?
A small green square.
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What role do green beans play in Thanksgiving dinner?
The casse-role.
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Why wasn’t the young veggie allowed to start in the game?
He was a green bean.
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Why was the green bean ashamed?
It saw the cranberry dressing.
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What did the orange pumpkin say to the green pumpkin?
“Are you feeling ill?”
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What do you get if you cross a martian with a golf score?
A little green bogey.
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What do you get when you take a green cheese on the moon and divide its circumference by its diameter?
Moon pi.
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Libya changed its plain green flag to a crescent moon, but I think they’ll change it back.
It’s only a phase, after all.
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My sinus infection is really getting into the Christmas Spirit.
It’s all coming out green and red.
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What is green, white, and red all over?
An elf with a sunburn.
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What is green and dangerous?
A thundering herd of pickles!
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What’s black and white and green in the middle?
Two zebras, fighting over a pickle.
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What’s green and hangs from trees?
Giraffe snot.
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Why shouldn’t you pick a green alien for your baseball team?
They’re not ripe yet.
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Daisy: “Why do you have two different colored socks on? One’s blue, but the other is green.”
Little Johnny: “I’m not sure. It’s weird. There was another pair exactly like this one at home.”
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