Green Jokes

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Green Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

Green Jokes

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence.

He pulls him out and says, β€œSorry, you know the law, you’ve got to go back across the border right now.”

The Mexican man pleads with them, β€œNo, noooo Senor, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!”

The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, β€œI’m going to make it hard for him.”

He says, β€œOk, I’ll let you stay if you can use three English words in a sentence. The three words are β€˜green’, β€˜pink’, and β€˜yellow’.”

The Mexican man thinks, then says, β€œHmmm, okay. The phone, it went green, green, green. I pink it up and sez β€œyellow?”.”

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A man went to the pet shop to buy a budgie.

β€œI would like a blue budgie please” he said to the assistant.

β€œI haven’t got a blue one,” the assistant replied. β€œI’ll sell you a green one and a tin of paint. You can paint it yourself.”

β€œOK,” said the man, β€œthat’ll do.”

The next day, the man comes back. The budgie is dead.

β€œLook at this,” said the man. β€œIt died while I was painting it.”

β€œThat’s odd,” said the assistant, β€œI’m sure that paint was safe.”

The man replies, β€œI never got round to painting it. It died when I was burning the old paint off…”

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Why was red in awe of orange?

Because orange blue green.

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What did the blue crayon say to the green crayon?

β€œYou’re green-crayon me!”

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What do we learn from cows, buffaloes, and elephants?

It’s impossible to reduce weight by eating green grass and salads and walking.

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What is small, square and green?

A small green square.

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What role do green beans play in Thanksgiving dinner?

The casse-role.

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Why wasn’t the young veggie allowed to start in the game?

He was a green bean.

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Why was the green bean ashamed?

It saw the cranberry dressing.

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What did the orange pumpkin say to the green pumpkin?

β€œAre you feeling ill?”

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What do you get if you cross a martian with a golf score?

A little green bogey.

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What do you get when you take a green cheese on the moon and divide its circumference by its diameter?

Moon pi.

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Libya changed its plain green flag to a crescent moon, but I think they’ll change it back.

It’s only a phase, after all.

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My sinus infection is really getting into the Christmas Spirit.

It’s all coming out green and red.

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What is green, white, and red all over?

An elf with a sunburn.

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What is green and dangerous?

A thundering herd of pickles!

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What’s black and white and green in the middle?

Two zebras, fighting over a pickle.

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What’s green and hangs from trees?

Giraffe snot.

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Why shouldn’t you pick a green alien for your baseball team?

They’re not ripe yet.

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Daisy: β€œWhy do you have two different colored socks on? One’s blue, but the other is green.”

Little Johnny: β€œI’m not sure. It’s weird. There was another pair exactly like this one at home.”

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