Goose Jokes

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Goose Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

Goose Jokes

What do you call a Portuguese person all by themself?

A Portugoose.

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A man makes a phone call to an export office in a port in France and asks whether they can ship a 20’ container with live geese properly stored in their appropriate places.

β€œOui, monsieur. What is the destination port for this load?”

β€œI’m sending them to the zoo in Brazil.”

β€œWouldn’t you be better off calling the export office in Portugal?”

β€œWhy is that, sir?”

β€œIf you’re sending them to Brazil to avoid bureaucracy, then you should contact the Portuguese, of course!”

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April Fools’ Day is the favorite holiday of which animal?

The silly goose!

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What language do Brazilian geese speak?


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What do you call two ducks who walk like, act like, and believe they are geese?

A paradux.

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A hunter shoots a flying goose one day.

Proud of his hit he walks to fetch it only to see a farmer waiting for him, holding the goose.

β€œSorry sir, this goose is mine. I shot it,” explains the hunter.

The farmer replies with a smirk, β€œBut it landed on my property, so it’s mine.”

β€œExcuse me? You can’t just take what’s mine! Hand it over, right now!” The hunter is clearly angry.

The farmer’s grin gets bigger.

β€œAlright alright,” the farmer says calmingly. β€œLet’s settle this with a simple game we use around here to resolve an argument. The winner will keep the goose. The rules are simple. I’ll kick you in the nuts and see how much time it takes you to recover. Then you’ll do the same to me. Whoever recovers faster is the winner.”

The hunter, provoked and angry, agrees immediately.

The two get ready, the farmer kicks first. He takes a full swing and hits the hunter right between the legs.

The hunter nearly blacks out. A moment passes before he screams in agonizing pain, holding his crotch. His knees give in and he falls face-first onto the ground.

Time passes and the hunter does his best to endure the pain and get back up.

Eventually, still in pain, the hunter gets back onto his feet.

With teary eyes and a sore throat he says, β€œNow it’s my turn!”

The farmer looks at him smiling, shakes his head and goes, β€œNah, man, It’s fine, you can have it. Here’s the goose, I didn’t want it anyway,” and walks off, laughing out loud.

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What happened to the geese when they fell down the stairs?

They all got goose bumps.

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Did you know that geese kill more humans than sharks each year?

To be fair, it’s really hard for geese to kill sharks.

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What do you call a possessed bird?

A polter-goose.

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Geese fly in a V-formation for aerodynamics, and when the lead goose gets tired he switches out his position.

But one side of the V is almost always longer than the other. Do you know why?

There’s more geese on that side.

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I have a racing goose for sale.

Let me know if you wanna take a quick gander.

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When will Ryan Gosling be old enough to be called Ryan Goose?

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