Enjoy our team's carefully selected Golf Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft.
Today, it’s called golf.
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How Chuck Norris plays golf?
He stares at the ball and the ball goes into the hole to hide.
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Golfer: “Do you think my game is improving?”
Caddy: “Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now.”
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Jesus, Moses and an old man go golfing.
The first one to tee off is Moses. He smashes the ball and it is heading right for the water hazard before the green.
Moses raises his club, the water parts, and the ball makes it to the green.
Jesus gets up to swing, cranks it out, and it is headed for the water hazard.
Jesus closes his eyes and prays. The ball skips across the water and lands on the green two feet from the hole.
The old man’s turn comes and he drives the ball.
The ball looks like it is going to drop directly into the water. A fish jumps from the water hazard swallowing the ball, as an eagle drops from the sky, grabbing the fish.
As the eagle flies over the green, a bolt of lightning strikes the eagle, making it drop the fish.
As the fish hits the green, it spits out the ball and the ball falls into the hole, making a hole in one.
Jesus looks at Moses and says, “I really think I’m leaving Dad at home next time!”
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Why is bowling a better sport than golf?
It’s hard to lose a bowling ball.
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A lawyer, a priest, and an engineer meet each week for a game of golf.
One day, they get stuck behind the slowest group of players they had ever seen. They were hitting the balls all over the place, getting stuck in just about every trap and patch of rough, and missing just about every putt.
Finally, the group gets frustrated and heads to the clubhouse to find the manager.
“What’s with that group of players? They’re the worst I’ve ever seen! They’re holding up the course!”
The manager looks sheepish, “They’re retired firefighters, they lost their eyesight running into a burning orphanage to save the children. They love golf, so I let them play for free for charity.”
The priest looks ashamed of himself, “As a man of God, I feel terrible for getting angry at those men. At my next sermon, I’ll see if I can get a collection going for their families.”
The lawyer likewise looks chagrined, “Same here, I’ll check with my firm and see if we can’t open a case to get them awarded restitution for their pain and injuries.”
The engineer says, “Why can’t they play at night?”
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I hit 2 good balls today on the golf course.
I stepped on a rake in the bunker.
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Why was it difficult for planets to play golf?
They spotted many black holes.
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What do you get if you cross a martian with a golf score?
A little green bogey.
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Why are donuts good at playing golf?
They always have a hole in one!
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Why do golfers love donuts?
Always a hole-in-one!
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Why did Tiger Woods return the donuts?
Because there was a hole-in-one.
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How do you know when you're on a Jewish golf course?
The players don’t yell “Fore!” they yell “$3.99!”.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
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A man complains to his wife about not having anyone to play golf with.
His wife said, “Well what about your friend Clyde?”
The man replied, “Would you want to play with someone who cheats on his score and moves the ball when you aren’t looking?”
“No, I guess not,” replied his wife.
The man said, “Neither would Clyde.”
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Why do golfers prefer a birthday donut over a birthday cake?
Because there is a hole in one.
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