Glass Jokes

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Glass Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

Glass Jokes

Little Johnny’s chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.

β€œNow, class. Observe what happens to the two worms,” said the professor, putting the first worm in the glass of water.

The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed.

He then dropped the second worm in the whiskey glass. It writhed for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died.

β€œNow kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?” he asked.

Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, β€œDrink whiskey and you won’t get worms!”

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The barman in the pub looked over at me and said, β€œYour glass is empty. Fancy another one?”

β€œWhy would I want two empty glasses?” I asked.

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The next person that asks me for a pineapple juice, a cranberry juice and some lemonade with a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a punch.

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A casket company has started marketing clear glass coffins.

I don’t know if they will be well received...

Remains to be seen.

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Some wise guys show a civil engineer an 8 ounce glass with 4 ounces of water in it.

They ask him the age old question, β€œIs the glass half empty or half full?”

The civil engineer responds, β€œThe glass is twice as big as it needs to be.”

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A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep.

A full one, in case he gets thirsty, and an empty one, in case he doesn’t.

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My grandma is in her 90’s and she still doesn’t need glasses.

She just drinks straight out of the bottle.

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What do you get when you drink root beer in a square glass?


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The optimist sees the glass half full.

The pessimist sees the glass half empty.

The chemist sees the glass completely fullβ€”half with liquid and half with air.

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Two blondes decided to split a can of Diet Coke. One blonde opened the can and poured half the contents into her own glass, and half into her friend’s glass.

Before tossing the can, she stopped to read the nutritional information on the side.

β€œOnly one calorie per can,” she read aloud.

β€œHmm,” murmured the other blonde. β€œI wonder which glass has the calorie?”

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A guy walks into a bar, grabs a seat, and orders a whiskey double, neat.

The bartender prepares his drink with great delicacy and brings it right over.

The gentleman reaches into his blazer, searching frantically. This catches the bartender’s attention, so he monitors the patron out of the corner of his eye.

Finally, the man finds what he’s looking for and sighs a sigh of relief. He pulls out a straw and takes a sip of his whiskey.

The perplexed bartender grabs his attention, β€œI’m terribly sorry sir, was your glass dirty?”

To which the man replies surprised, β€œOh no no everything’s fine! I just promised my wife I’d never put my lips on another glass of whiskey again.”

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It’s so cold, your false teeth chatter, and they are still in the glass.

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It’s so hot all the sand on the beach is now glass.

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What does the sun drink out of?


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Why are hockey players like goldfish?

You could tap on the glass and you’d get their attention.

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