Jokes About Girlfriends

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Girlfriend Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

Girlfriend Jokes

How would Ariana Grande break up with her boyfriend on Thanksgiving?

β€œThank you, next.”

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For April Fools, my girlfriend replaced my Alpha-Bits with Cheerios.

I have no words to say how angry I am.

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Why did the influenza virus break up with its girlfriend?

She was too cold to him.

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The flu is kinda like my last girlfriend.

Lasted for 2 weeks and got it from my best friend.

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A boy calls 911, β€œHello? I need your help!”

The operator says, β€œAlright. What is it?”

The boy says, β€œTwo girls are fighting over me!”

The operator asks, β€œSo, what’s your emergency?”

The boy says, β€œThe ugly one is winning.”

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My girlfriend has a great job down at the brewery despite having only one leg.

She’s in charge of the hops.

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My friend that only dates Asian girls just started dating his ex-girlfriend again.

And I don’t know if I should tell him.

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My girlfriend’s gynaecologist followed her on Instagram yesterday.

I really don’t know what else he wants to see.

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My girlfriend hated my obsession with Japanese food.

Sushi left me.

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A woman goes to her boyfriend’s parents’ house for dinner. This is her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.

The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water.

Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart. It wasn’t loud, but everyone at the table heard the poot. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend’s father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women’s feet, and said in a rather stern voice, β€œGinger!”

The woman thought, β€œThis is great!” and a big smile came across her face.

A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn’t hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip.

The father again looked at the dog and yelled, β€œDammit, Ginger!”

Once again the woman smiled and thought, β€œYes!”

A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn’t even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing.

Again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, β€œDammit, Ginger, get away from her before she poops on you!”

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Boyfriend: β€œDo you think my salary is sufficient for you?”

Girlfriend: β€œIt’s sufficient for me but how will you survive?”

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Friend 1: β€œDoes she have a boyfriend?”

Friend 2: β€œYes, a cute, strong and clever one.”

Friend 1: β€œWhat’s the name?”

Friend 2: β€œJohn, Michael and Bill.”

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The other day my friend messaged by saying, β€œBro I have two pieces of bad news for you.”

I told him to combine them.

He replied, β€œYour girlfriend is cheating on both of us.”

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One time I broke up with my Roblox girlfriend by sending her a message.

30 seconds later I heard my uncle crying in the next room...

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My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back.

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What happens after you have a beautiful girlfriend, a million-dollar car, 100 million in your bank account, several houses and a fit body?

You wake up.

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My girlfriend has an OnlyFans account and it’s doing really well.

I just have to figure out how to break the news to her.

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My ex-girlfriend is like the square root of -1,... she’s imaginary.

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