Enjoy our team's carefully selected Girlfriend Boyfriend Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
My girlfriend was crying because she got a bad haircut.
I said, “Why are you crying? I’m the one that has to find a new girlfriend.”
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One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, “Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan.”
After dinner, George’s dad took him aside, “Son, I have to talk with you. Look at your mother, George. She and I have been married 30 years, she’s a wonderful wife and mother, but, she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot.”
“Susan is actually your half sister, and I’m afraid you can’t marry her.”
George was brokenhearted.
After eight months he eventually started dating girls again.
A year later he came home and very proudly announced, “Diane said yes! We’re getting married in June.”
Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news, “Diane is your half sister too, George. I’m awfully sorry about this.”
George was livid! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news his father had shared.
“Dad has done so much harm. I guess I’m never going to get married,” he complained. “Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half sister.”
“Hee hee,” his mother chuckled, shaking her head, “Don’t pay any attention to what he says. He’s not really your father.”
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My girlfriend accused me of cheating.
I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
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Never laugh at your girlfriend’s choices. You’re one of them.
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My friend: “My girlfriend said she wanted to eat tacos, so we flew to Mexico.”
Me: “Hey babe, what do you wanna eat?”
Her: “Nothing.”
Me: Flies to Africa.
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My girlfriend said I’m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to Batman.
What a Joker.
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I asked my girlfriend if she’d like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends.
She said, “Yes!”
I said, “Good, because I’m breaking up with you.”
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Why did the mushroom break up with her boyfriend?
Because he was toxic!
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A shark just ate my girlfriend during our fishing trip. Will you be my new one?
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A mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl as a roommate.
During his meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there’s more between him and his roommate.
Reading his mom’s thought, his son volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates.”
About a week later, his roommate came to him saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the silver plate. You don’t suppose your mother took it, do you?”
He said, “Well I doubt it, but l'll email her just to be sure!”
He sat down and wrote:
Dear mom,
After you visited me, the silver plate has been missing. I’m not saying that you did take the silver plate from my house, and I’m not saying that you don’t take it, but the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love
Your son
Several days later, he received an email from his mother which read:
Dear Son,
I’m not saying that you do sleep with your roommate, and I’m not saying that you don’t sleep with her, but the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow.
Love
Mom
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A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit.
The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.
He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop.
The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.
He picks up the girl and they go to the dance.
There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.
Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink.
She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.
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