Gift Jokes

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Gift Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

Gift Jokes

Knock! Knock!

“Who’s there?”


“Harry, who?”

“Harry up and open your gifts, it’s your birthday!”

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Knock! Knock!

“Who’s there?”


“Olive, who?”

“Olive your presents are ready. Happy Birthday!”

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A man went on a business trip to China and wanted to buy some gifts for his kids.

He went to a shop and found a nice-looking VR set.

Wary of buying inferior goods, he asked the shopkeeper, “What happens if this doesn’t work?”

The shopkeeper quietly points to the only sign in English that reads, ‘GUARANTEE NO SPOILED’.

Feeling assured, he paid for the VR set and returns to his hotel.

He tried to use the VR set after returning to the hotel, but it wouldn’t even switch on.

He quickly returned to the shop and asked for a refund or an exchange for another unit.

When the shopkeeper refuses to give either, the man points to the sign assuring him of the guarantee.

The shopkeeper then said, “Brother, you are in China. We read from the right to the left.”

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Why did the alien bring a gift to Uranus?

It wanted to show its appreciation for the atmosphere.

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How did the 30-year-old gardener celebrate their birthday?

By receiving a thirtree as a gift!

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Star Trek fans always expect a gift when going to a convention.

They call it the enter prize.

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My kids are buying me gifts for Father’s Day.

I hope I can afford it.

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The best gift I ever got was a broken drum.

You can’t beat it.

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Why do turkeys love Thanksgiving?

Because they don’t have to worry about buying Christmas presents.

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I asked my friend if he’d bought his wife a gift for Valentine’s Day.

He’s a bit of a chauvinist pig, so he surprised me when he replied, “Yeah, I’ve got her a belt and a bag.”

I said, “That’s very thoughtful of you. I hope she appreciates it.”

He said, “So do I. And hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work much better now.”

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A woman took a nap on New Year’s Eve.

When she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year’s present. What do you think it all means?”

He replied, “Aha, you’ll know tonight!”

At midnight, her husband handed her a small gift-wrapped present.

Excited, she opened it quickly, but was even more surprised: In it was a book titled “The Meaning of Dreams”.

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My son’s asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It’s really cheap though so I don’t mind.

I’m not sure why he wants an eggs box though.

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How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for his birthday?

He felt his presents!

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How you can tell that Santa is real?

You can always sense his presents!

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Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Devon, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way, they pass a pharmacy. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter, “Are you the owner?”

The Pharmacist answers, “Yes.”

Jacob: “We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?”

Pharmacist: “Of course we do.”

Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism?”

Pharmacist: “Definitely.”

Jacob: “Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer’s?”

Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety. The works.”

Jacob: “What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson’s disease?”

Pharmacist: “Absolutely.”

Jacob: “Everything for heartburn and indigestion?”

Pharmacist: “We sure do.”

Jacob: “You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?”

Pharmacist: “All speeds and sizes.”

Jacob: “In that case, we’d like to use this store for our wedding presents list.”

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The cook gifted his girlfriend something she would like. Guess what?

An onion ring.

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A boyfriend asks his girlfriend, “What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine’s Day?”

“Well, I don’t know” she answers shyly.

“OK, that I give you another year to think about it...”

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My brother wanted a dinosaur as a gift for his birthday.

Then I told him, “They’re all extinct.”

Hearing that, he said, “No, I don’t want a stinky dinosaur.”

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Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died.

The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck’s gift and arranged to have him written out of the bible.

All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.

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Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.

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