Fruit Puns and Hilarious Fruit Jokes



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Fruit Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Fruit Jokes


Chuck Noris once picked an apple from an orange tree and made lemonade with it.

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What did the apple teacher say to her student?

β€œHelp me orange the chairs please!”

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œFigs.”

β€œFigs, who?”

β€œFigs the doorbell, it’s not working lazy bones!

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œOrange.”

β€œOrange, who?”

β€œOrange you glad I’m here?”

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Vegan: β€œHey, try eating this apple.”

Meat-eater: β€œHey, this tastes pretty good.”

Vegan: β€œWell, that’s because it’s vegan.”

Meat-eater: β€œI thought it tasted it a bit funny.”

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Vegan: β€œPeople who sell meat are gross!”

Non-vegetarian: β€œPeople who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.”

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What do you call a sad berry?

A blue-fruit.

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Why did the blue-colored fruit hide?

It was feeling blue.

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Whenever I asked for something, my life gave me lemons.

That explains my acidity problems.

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If life hands you lemons, break out the tequila!

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Chuck Norris is the only one that can turn lemonade into lemons.

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A man approaches a priest.

β€œBless me, Father, for I have sinned,” he says. β€œI’ve spent the week with seven beautiful women.”

β€œDo not fret, my son,” says the priest. β€œAll you need to do is take seven lemons, squeeze the juice into a glass, and drink the juice.”

β€œWill that cleanse my sin from me?”

β€œNo, but it’ll wipe that smile off your face.”

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What do you receive when you ask a lemon for help?

Lemon aid.

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What did the grape say when the Koala stood on it?

Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

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My grandma was famous for her delicious strawberries.

She made me promise that when she died I would plant strawberries over her grave so everyone could visit and enjoy them.

I fulfilled her wish.

She’s dead and berried.

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Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.

A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas that they’d never seen before.

Each bought one.

The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.

When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across at her friend and said, β€œI wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”

β€œWhy not?”

β€œI took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”

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Why don’t blondes eat bananas?

They can’t find the zipper.

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Broccoli: β€œHey, I look like a tree.”

Mushroom: β€œWow, I look just like an umbrella.”

Walnut: β€œI look exactly like a brain.”

Banana: β€œMan, can we change the topic please?”

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Why did two women walk into a saloon pointing bananas at people and shouting, β€œGIVE US YER LOOT”?

They were both blonds.

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How come β€œyou’re a peach” is a complement, but β€œyou’re bananas” is an insult?

Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?

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Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon.

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Yo mama’s so stupid she stared at a cup of orange juice for 12 hours because it said β€œconcentrate”.

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