French Jokes

Enjoy our team's carefully selected French Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

French Jokes

Did you know the first French Fries weren’t actually cooked in France?

They were cooked in Greece.

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A man makes a phone call to an export office in a port in France and asks whether they can ship a 20’ container with live geese properly stored in their appropriate places.

β€œOui, monsieur. What is the destination port for this load?”

β€œI’m sending them to the zoo in Brazil.”

β€œWouldn’t you be better off calling the export office in Portugal?”

β€œWhy is that, sir?”

β€œIf you’re sending them to Brazil to avoid bureaucracy, then you should contact the Portuguese, of course!”

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Chuck Norris can speak Japanese in French.

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Chuck Norris once taught a French Bulldog to be English.

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Chuck Norris speaks English, French, Spanish, Italian, and Portuguese.

At the same time in every sentence.

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Why do French people eat so many snails?

Because they don’t like fast food.

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What do you get if you take off the red dot on the Japanese flag?

The French flag!

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A young French boy comes home with a wheel of cheese that he found.

His mother says, β€œMerci! Where did you find this Brillat-Savarin?”

The boy says, β€œNo mommy, it’s nacho cheese.”

His mother says, β€œAre you sure? It says Brillat-Savarin on the label.”

β€œI know,” says the boy, β€œbut when I found it, I heard a voice yell at me and say, β€˜Hey, that’s nacho cheese!’”

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What do spiders eat in Paris?

French flies.

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Does anyone know where I can find the Surrender emoji?

Nevermind the French flag works fine.

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An aristocrat, his chef and chief engineer were set to be executed during the French Revolution.

The aristocrat is brought to the guillotine and said, β€œI am not afraid of my mortality. I refuse a blindfold and I wish to be face up, so I can look death straight in the eyes!”

The executioner accepted this request, placed the man in the guillotine and pulled the lever... but nothing happened! The blade did not drop! It was declared an act of God and proof of his innocence, and he was released.

The chef is brought to the guillotine and requests to be beheaded face up as well. And again, when the executioner pulled the lever, the blade remained motionless! The chef was released and joined his master.

Finally, the engineer is brought to the executioner. He, too, requests to lie supine.

As the executioner is about to pull the lever, the engineer exclaims, β€œOH! I see your problem!”

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I have the head of a watermelon, the arms of two French baguettes, the chest of two pillows. What am I?

Banned from the supermarket.

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A math teacher welcomed a new French exchange student into her class and then started teaching a lesson on fractions.

The French exchange student raised his hand and said, β€œExcuse me, Madam, but I don’t know how to say fractions. How do you say those?”

β€œEasy,” said the teacher, β€œyou just say the top number and then the bottom number is read as an ordinal number. For example, 2/3 is two-thirds, 3/4 is three-fourths, and 2/5 is two-fifths.”

β€œThanks, I understand,” said the exchange student.

β€œGood,” said the teacher, and then asked the French student, β€œso how do you say 4/8?”

β€œShould I reduce?” asked the boy.

β€œThat would be best,” said the teacher.

β€œOne-second,” said the boy.

β€œTake as long as you need,” said the teacher.

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What did the French Fry say to the Hamburger?

I guess that’s a wrap!

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French Donuts...

...are the Beigne of my existence.

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Personally, I think you should start the day off with a meal of French mushrooms... breakfast of champignons.

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A man in a French restaurant asks the waiter, β€œDo you have frog legs?”

The waiter looks offended, β€œNo, I’ve always walked like that!”

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