Enjoy our team's carefully selected Football Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
Why do football players struggle at bowling?
Because they had a hard time kicking the ball!
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Why are football players not allowed in bowling alleys?
After getting a strike, they spike the ball.
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How does Tom Brady have a bad haircut before every game?
He always asks for the Super โBowl Cutโ.
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Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm.
His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get re-attached.
The next day he goes to see his chum and finds him playing tennis.
โIncredible!,โ says his friend.
โMedical science is amazing!โ
Another month goes by and the same two guys are again at the sawmill working when the same guy gets too close to the spinning blade and this time his leg gets cut off.
Again his buddy takes the leg, puts it in a plastic bag and takes it to the hospital to get re-attached.
The next day, he goes down to see his chum and finds him outside playing football.
โIncredible!,โ says his friend.
โMedical science is amazing!โ
Well, another month goes by and again the same two friends are at the mill cutting wood when suddenly the same guy bends down too close to the blade and off comes his head.
Well, his friend takes the head, puts it in a plastic bag, and heads to the hospital to get it re-attached.
The next day he goes to see his friend but canโt find him.
He sees the doctor walking down the hall and says, โDoc, where is my friend? I brought him in yesterday.โ
The doctor thinks for a minute and says, โOh yeah, some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated.โ
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At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old football players aside and asked, โDo you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?โ
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
โDo you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?โ
The little boy nodded yes.
โSo,โ the coach continued, โIโm sure you know, when a foul is called, you shouldnโt argue, curse, or attack the referee. Do you understand all that?โ
Again the little boy nodded.
He continued, โAnd when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, itโs not good sportsmanship to call your coach โa worthless idiotโ is it?โ Again the little boy nodded.
โGood,โ said the coach. โNow go over there and explain all that to your parents.โ
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The moon is just a football Chuck Norris kicked up when he was a kid.
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Football is a game when 22 big, strong players run around like crazy for two hours while 50,000 people who really need the exercise sit in the stands and watch them.
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Coach: โYour roommate and the captain of the team reported that you have many bad words for me in your sleep! So do you abuse me in your sleep!โ
Football Player: โCoach, It is just not true!โ
Coach: โWhat is not true, I trust the captain and I am asking this in front of him!โ
Football player: โCoach, It is untrue that I was sleeping!โ
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When I got to work Monday, I was limping something awful. My boss noticed and asked me what had happened.
I told him, โOh, nothing. Itโs just an old football injury that acts up once in a while.โ
My boss eyed me suspiciously and said, โGee, I never knew you played football.โ
I said, โWell, I donโt. I hurt it yesterday when I lost $100 on New York Jets. I put my foot through the television...โ
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Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards.
Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
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Guess why football stadiums are so cool?
Most seats have a fan on them!
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