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Jokes on Football



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Football Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm.

His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get re-attached.

The next day he goes to see his chum, and finds him playing tennis.

โ€œIncredible!,โ€ says his friend.

โ€œMedical science is amazing!โ€

Another month goes by and the same two guys are again at the sawmill working when the same guy gets too close to the spinning blade and this time his leg gets cut off.

Again his buddy takes the leg, puts it in a plastic bag and takes it to the hospital to get re-attached.

The next day, he goes down to see his chum and finds him outside playing football.

โ€œIncredible!,โ€ says his friend.

โ€œMedical science is amazing!โ€

Well another month goes by and again the same two friends are at the mill cutting wood when suddenly the same guy bends down too close to the blade and off comes his head.

Well his friend takes the head, puts it in a plastic bag, and heads to the hospital to get it re-attached.

The next day he goes to see his friend but canโ€™t find him.

He sees the doctor walking down the hall and says, โ€œDoc, where is my friend? I brought him in yesterday.โ€

The doctor thinks for a minute and says, โ€œOh yeah, some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old football players aside and asked, โ€œDo you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?โ€

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

โ€œDo you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?โ€

The little boy nodded yes.

โ€œSo,โ€ the coach continued, โ€œIโ€™m sure you know, when a foul is called, you shouldnโ€™t argue, curse, or attack the referee. Do you understand all that?โ€

Again the little boy nodded.

He continued, โ€œAnd when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, itโ€™s not good sportsmanship to call your coach โ€œa worthless idiotโ€ is it?โ€ Again the little boy nodded.

โ€œGood,โ€ said the coach. โ€œNow go over there and explain all that to your parents.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


The moon is just a football Chuck Norris kicked up when he was a kid.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Football is a game when 22 big, strong players run around like crazy for two hours while 50,000 people who really need the exercise sit in the stands and watch them.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Coach: โ€œYour roommate and the captain of the team reported that you have many bad words for me in your sleep! So do you abuse me in your sleep!โ€

Football Player: โ€œCoach, It is just not true!โ€

Coach: โ€œWhat is not true, I trust the captain and I am asking this in front of him!โ€

Football player: โ€œCoach, It is untrue that I was sleeping!โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


When I got to work Monday, I was limping something awful. My boss noticed and asked me what had happened.

I told him, โ€œOh, nothing. Itโ€™s just an old football injury that acts up once in a while.โ€

My boss eyed me suspiciously and said, โ€œGee, I never knew you played football.โ€

I said, โ€œWell, I donโ€™t. I hurt it yesterday when I lost $100 on New York Jets. I put my foot through the television...โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards.

Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Guess why football stadiums are so cool?

Most seats have a fan on them!

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„





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