Enjoy our team's carefully selected Foot Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
What does a squirrel wear on its feet?
Cashews.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t wear shoes to protect his feet from the ground.
He wears them to protect the ground from his feet.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Who.”
“Who, who?”
“Hooves are what deer have on their feet…”
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Where did the Pilgrims stand after landing on Plymouth Rock?
On their feet.
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The wife tried to scare her husband by leaving him a breakup letter after he returned home late.
She left a note, saying:
I’ve had enough and have left you. Don’t bother coming after me.
Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.
After a short while, her husband comes home, and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom.
She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note.
After a few minutes, he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone.
“She’s finally gone... Yeah, I know... I’m coming to see you... Put on that nightgown I like... Love you... Can’t wait to see you...”
He hung up, grabbed his keys, and left.
She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed.
Seething with rage and with tears in her eyes, she grabbed the note to see what he wrote.
“I can see your feet. We’re out of bread. Be back in five minutes.”
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What did one broken ankle say to the other?
“Let’s stay positive and get back on our feet!”
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I bought some blue shoes to wear to the office.
But they made me feel downright feet-talistic.
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Two U.S. Marines boarded a flight headed for Raleigh, North Carolina. One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat.
Just before takeoff, a U.S. Army Ranger headed for Fort Bragg sat down in the aisle seat.
After takeoff, the Ranger kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes, and was settling in when the Marine in the window seat said, “I need to get up and get a Coke.”
“Don’t get up,” said the Army Ranger, “I’m in the aisle seat, I’ll get it for you.”
As soon as he left, one of the Marines picked up the Ranger’s shoe and spat in it.
When the Ranger returned with the Coke, the other Marine said, “That looks good, I’d really like one, too.”
Again, the Army Ranger obligingly went to fetch it.
While he was gone the other Marine picked up the Ranger’s other shoe and spat in it.
When the Ranger returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.
As the plane was landing, the Army Ranger slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.
“Why does it have to be this way?” he asked. “How long must this go on? This fighting between our services? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and peeing in Cokes?”
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You know you’re 50 when you have to use your GPS to locate your feet because you can’t see over your belly.
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Why did the dog pour nacho cheese over people’s feet?
He wanted Dori-toes.
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A gun company has been criticised after bringing out a pistol covered in Lego.
The manufacturer says it’s perfectly safe, unless you step on it in bare feet.
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I’m proud to announce I have stuck to my New Year’s resolution and did not bite my nails the entire month of January.
My feet have never looked better.
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I accidentally dropped a full two liter bottle of ginger ale onto my bare foot.
Fortunately it was a soft drink.
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Why can’t you hear a redhead’s footsteps?
Because they walk so gingerly.
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Crocodiles can grow up to 20 feet.
But most have just four.
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Why did the gum cross the road?
It was stuck to the chicken’s foot.
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What can you find on avocado feet?
Avoca-toes.
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The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.
A cop pulled up and said, “I’ve got to take you in, sir. You’re obviously drunk.”
The wasted wino asked, “Officer, are ya absolutely sure I’m drunk?”
Yeah, buddy, I’m sure,” said the copper. “Let’s go.”
Obviously relieved, the wino said, “That’s a relief—I thought I was a cripple.”
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Why did Spider-Man decide to join the swim team?
Because he had webbed feet!
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My 2 year old sister’s stinky feet were smelling like cheese.
My dad was wondering what happened, so I told him that she had chee-toes.
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A man went to the doctor and said, “I think I am upside down.”
When the doctor asked why he felt like that, the man said, “Because my feet smell and my nose runs.”
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Why can’t your nose be 14 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot!
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Why is it that your nose runs, but your feet smell?
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Why was the man with the big nose sad?
He could really smell his feet!
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My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo.
I had to put my foot down.
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Why don’t dogs make good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
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