Feet Jokes



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Foot Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Foot Jokes


I bought some blue shoes to wear to the office.

But they made me feel downright feet-talistic.

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Two U.S. Marines boarded a flight headed for Raleigh, North Carolina. One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat.

Just before takeoff, a U.S. Army Ranger headed for Fort Bragg sat down in the aisle seat.

After takeoff, the Ranger kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Marine in the window seat said, β€œI need to get up and get a Coke.”

β€œDon’t get up,” said the Army Ranger, β€œI’m in the aisle seat, I’ll get it for you.”

As soon as he left, one of the Marines picked up the Ranger’s shoe and spat in it.

When the Ranger returned with the Coke, the other Marine said, β€œThat looks good, I’d really like one, too.”

Again, the Army Ranger obligingly went to fetch it.

While he was gone the other Marine picked up the Ranger’s other shoe and spat in it.

When the Ranger returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.

As the plane was landing, the Army Ranger slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.

β€œWhy does it have to be this way?” he asked. β€œHow long must this go on? This fighting between our services? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and peeing in Cokes?”

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You know you’re 50 when you have to use your GPS to locate your feet because you can’t see over your belly.

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Why did the dog pour nacho cheese over people’s feet?

He wanted Dori-toes.

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A gun company has been criticised after bringing out a pistol covered in Lego.

The manufacturer says it’s perfectly safe, unless you step on it in bare feet.

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I’m proud to announce I have stuck to my New Year’s resolution and did not bite my nails the entire month of January.

My feet have never looked better.

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I accidentally dropped a full two liter bottle of ginger ale onto my bare foot.

Fortunately it was a soft drink.

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Why can’t you hear a redhead’s footsteps?

Because they walk so gingerly.

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Crocodiles can grow up to 20 feet.

But most have just four.

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Why did the gum cross the road?

It was stuck to the chicken’s foot.

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What can you find on avocado feet?

Avoca-toes.

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The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.

A cop pulled up and said, β€œI’ve got to take you in, sir. You’re obviously drunk.”

The wasted wino asked, β€œOfficer, are ya absolutely sure I’m drunk?”

Yeah, buddy, I’m sure,” said the copper. β€œLet’s go.”

Obviously relieved, the wino said, β€œThat’s a reliefβ€”I thought I was a cripple.”

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Why did Spider-Man decide to join the swim team?

Because he had webbed feet!

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My 2 year old sister’s stinky feet were smelling like cheese.

My dad was wondering what happened, so I told him that she had chee-toes.

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A man went to the doctor and said, β€œI think I am upside down.”

When the doctor asked why he felt like that, the man said, β€œBecause my feet smell and my nose runs.”

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Why can’t your nose be 14 inches long?

Because then it would be a foot!

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Why is it that your nose runs, but your feet smell?

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Why was the man with the big nose sad?

He could really smell his feet!

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My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo.

I had to put my foot down.

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Why don’t dogs make good dancers?

Because they have two left feet.

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