Jokes About the Flu

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Flu Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

Flu Jokes

A politician visits a rural area to gain appeal for the upcoming elections.

He schedules a meeting with the local leaders to discuss problems the town has been experiencing so that he could provide help and solutions.

β€œGovernor, our town has been experiencing two big problems,” says one of the leaders.

The politician pounds his table, β€œOk, tell me what they are,” he impatiently replies, all the while looking around to confirm if the excessive display got a favorable response.

β€œOK, our first problem is a flu outbreak, but we lack doctors and hospitals, and the second one is...”

The politician cuts him off, β€œStop right there, I’ll make some calls,” as the politician animatedly grabs his phone, punches the numbers, and makes his calls.

β€œYes! Yes! That would be great, tomorrow then,” he loudly replies before punching another number for another call. β€œYes, a hospital, I will pay for it personally.”

He hangs up and turns to everyone, β€œGood news, everyone! I have arranged for a group of doctors to come here tomorrow and check on those afflicted,” he loudly proclaims. β€œI have also called for the immediate construction of a hospital, which would begin as soon as we are able to find a suitable area today. Now, what was your other problem?”

β€œYes, our second problem is that we don’t have cellphone coverage here.”

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Did you know that during childbirth there is a point where the lady experiences such excruciating pain that for a moment

she almost knows how bad it is to be a man who has the flu.

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Where is the flu most common?

In cities with high levels of congestion.

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What kind of flu do Chinese people have?

Kung flu.

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Did you hear about the aspiring YouTube star that died from the flu?

He finally went viral.

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I caught bird flu while waiting for a flight at the airport.

I have since found out it is a terminal illness.

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The US government has been there for us through hard times from the great depression, the numerous market crashes, through pandemics of flu and tragedies like the loss of American lives.

I’m starting to think they’re bad luck.

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It’s the cold and flu time of year.

Or, as I like to call it, Vitamin C-son.

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What do you call someone doing yoga with the flu?

Sick and twisted.

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Have you guys heard about the bird flu?

I mean, I don’t know why it’s such a big deal. They tend to do that quite often.

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They’re vaccinating against bird flu again.

Call it a rooster shot.

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Bird flu.

Bird landed.

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What happened when the flu joined Instagram?

She became an influenza.

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A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill.

He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of extensive tests.

The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings.

β€œThis is your doctor. We’ve had the results back from your tests, and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty flu virus, which is extremely contagious!”

β€œOh my gosh!” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. β€œWhat are you going to do, doctor?”

β€œWell, we’re going to put you on a diet of pancakes and pita bread.”

β€œWill that cure me?” asked the man, hopefully.

The doctor replied, β€œWell, no, but... it’s the only food we can get under the door.”

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