Fitness Jokes

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Fitness Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

Fitness Jokes

Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline.

If youโ€™d like to lose a half pound right now, press โ€œ1โ€ 18 000 times.

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At one army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned.

One soldier mused, โ€œDoes it bother anyone else that the army doesnโ€™t seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?โ€

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I just joined a gym for religious minorities.

Jehovahโ€™s Fitness.

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I entered what I ate today into my new fitness app on my phone.

It sent an ambulance to my house.

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A woman told her friend, โ€œI feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctorโ€™s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.โ€

She said, โ€œSo, I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But by the time I got my leotards on, the class was already over.โ€

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An 80-year-old man went to the doctor for a general check-up.

The doctor was surprised to see his happy demeanor.

Doctor: โ€œWhat is the secret of your good health?โ€

Old man: โ€œI get up before the sun rises and go out for cycling. And then come back and drink two glasses ofย wine!

Maybe this is the secret of my health.โ€

Doctor: โ€œOkay, but can I ask you how old was your father when he died?โ€

Old man: โ€œMy father died! Who told you that he died?!โ€

Doctor (surprised): โ€œYou mean that you are 80 years old, and your father is still alive? So how old is he now?โ€

Old man: โ€œHe is 102 years old and cycled with me this morning and then took two glasses of wine.โ€

Doctor: โ€œThis is very good. This means that the long life is in your familyโ€™s genes. So, how old was your grandfather when he died?โ€

Old man: โ€œMy grandfather died! Who told you that he died?!โ€

Doctor (puzzled): โ€œYou mean that you are 80 years old, and your grandfather is still alive very much! What is his age?โ€

Old man: โ€œYes, he is 123 years old.โ€

Doctor: โ€œIย think he too must have cycled with you this morning and taken wine too?โ€

Old man: โ€œNo, Grandpa could not go this morning, because he is getting married today.โ€

Doctor (on the verge of going mad): โ€œWhy would he want to get married at the age of 123?โ€

Old man: โ€œWho said he wanted to get married? He had to be forced.โ€

Doctor (shouted): โ€œBut why?!โ€

Old man: โ€œThe Girl is pregnant, thatโ€™s why.โ€

The doctor has been cycling regularly and drinking wine ever since. The clinic is closed.

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