Enjoy our team's carefully selected Fishing Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
Did you hear about the guy that washed his shorts with change in it?
He was arrested for money laundrying.
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Picked up a set of 20 Disney shorts on vinyl for only $30.
To be honest, though, I think theyβd chafe less in cotton.
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If a jockey wears jockey shorts, and a basketball player wears basketball shorts, what kind of shorts does the President wear?
Depends.
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I have an ugly, tight pair of shorts that I only wear when every other pair is dirty.
Theyβre my last reshorts.
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Why do MMA fighters wear skin tight shorts?
Because otherwise, theyβd be boxers.
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Whatβs the similarity between a fresh pair of shorts and a Bugatti bought by a shady businessman?
Both were laundered.
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What do clouds wear under their shorts?
Thunderpants.
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Why was the poet teaching at a prison so happy?
She had a captive audience.
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Recently, Iβve started teaching a poetry class in a maximum security prison.
Itβs a tough job, but I enjoy it.
It really has its prose and cons.
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After noticing how trim my husband had become, a friend asked me how I had persuaded him to diet.
It was then I shared my dark secret, βI put our teenage sonβs shorts in his underwear drawer.β
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Dispatcher: β911, what is your emergency?β
Caller: βI heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.β
Dispatcher: βDo you have an address?β
Caller: βNo, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?β
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What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
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Why did the nun become an archaeologist?
She had a knack for digging up old habits.
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Why do nuns always wear black and white?
No particular reason, itβs just a habit they have.
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Why does it take so long for a nun to get her clothes?
It takes 21 days to make a habit.
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I try to avoid making nun jokes, but itβs a farce of habit.
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I met a nun that wiped her nose on her clothes.
She had a nasty habit.
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A man calls home to his wife and says, βHoney, I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. Weβll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion Iβve been wanting, so would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box. Weβre leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas.β
The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy, but being a good wife, she does exactly what her husband asked.
The following weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good.
The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish?
He says, βYes! Lots of Walleye, some Bluegill, and a few Pike. But why didnβt you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?β
βI did, theyβre in your tackle box.β
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Blue jeans are immortal.
They never die, they just fade away.
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I couldnβt help but feel blue when I spilled my blueberry smoothie all over my shirt.
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I went to a blues concert dressed in all black.
I guess I wasnβt feeling very blues-sympathetic.
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I went to a party once where everyone was dressed in blue.
It was like a sea of navy-tees.
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I hate it when my blue jeans fade.
Theyβre not feeling so blue anymore.
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What did the blue tie say to the little red dress?
βYou go ahead, Iβll just hang around.β
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In your 20s: dress like youβre on the catwalk!
In your 40s: dress like you walk cats.
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What do you call a Polish fisherman?
A fishing pole.
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A man was fishing in the jungle.
After a while another angler came to join him.
βHave you had any bites?β asked the second man.
βYes, lots,β replied the first one, βbut they were all mosquitoes.β
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Where did the fisherman and mermaid meet?
On line.
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In a small fishing village, a Newfoundlander was walking up the wharf carrying two live lobsters, at least three pounds, one in each hand. It was three weeks after the season closed.
Whom should he meet at the end of the wharf but the Fisheries Officer who, upon viewing the live and wiggling lobsters, says, βWell me laddie, I got you this time with two live lobsters, three weeks after the season closed!β
The Newfie says, βNo, my son. You are wrong! These are two trained lobsters I caught two weeks before the season ended.β
The Fisheries Officer says, βTrained? Like how?β
βWell, my son, each day I takes these two from my house, down to the wharf, and puts them in the water for a swim. While they swim, I sits on the wharf and has me a smoke or two. After about 15 minutes I whistles, and up comes me two lobsters, and I takes them home!β
βLikely story,β the Fisheries Officer says. βLetβs take them on down to the wharf and see if its true.β
So, the Newfoundlander goes ahead of the Fisheries Officer to the end of the wharf where, under supervision, he gently lowers both lobsters into the water.
The Newfie sits on a wharf piling and lights up a smoke, then another.
After about 15 minutes the Fisheries Officer says to the Newfie, βHow about whistling?β
The Newfoundlander says, βWhat for?β
The Fisheries Officer says, βTo call in the lobsters.β
βWhat lobsters?β the Newfie asks.
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A math teacher welcomed a new French exchange student into her class and then started teaching a lesson on fractions.
The French exchange student raised his hand and said, βExcuse me, Madam, but I donβt know how to say fractions. How do you say those?β
βEasy,β said the teacher, βyou just say the top number and then the bottom number is read as an ordinal number. For example, 2/3 is two-thirds, 3/4 is three-fourths, and 2/5 is two-fifths.β
βThanks, I understand,β said the exchange student.
βGood,β said the teacher, and then asked the French student, βso how do you say 4/8?β
βShould I reduce?β asked the boy.
βThat would be best,β said the teacher.
βOne-second,β said the boy.
βTake as long as you need,β said the teacher.
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A young man is passing by a bar when he sees an old woman fishing with a stick and a string in a puddle by the sidewalk. βShe must be a poor old fool,β he thinks to himself, and out of the kindness of his heart, he invites the woman in for a drink.
After heβs paid for their round and the two are sitting quietly, he asks her, βSo how many have you caught today?β The old woman grins, takes a big sip of her drink, and replies, βYouβre the eighth.β
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What is Spider-Manβs favorite sport?
Fly fishing.
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Whatβs the best way to watch a fishing tournament?
By live stream.
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Now that Iβm teaching remotely, I canβt reward my students for their good work.
So I tell them to visit my website for cookies instead.
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Dear Students,
I know when you are texting in class. No one just looks down at their crotch and smiles.
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Teachers deserve a lot of credit.
Of course, if we paid them more, they wouldnβt need it.
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My English teacher used to quote Lord of the Rings to us.
She used to say βYou shall not pass!β
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The judge rose from the bench and said, βMadam, Iβve waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court.β
Then he smiled as he said, βNow, sit down at that table and write 500 times βI will not pass through a red light.ββ
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A local priest and a pastor were fishing on the side of the road.
They thoughtfully made a sign saying βThe End is Near! Turn yourself around now before itβs too late!β and showed it to each passing car.
One driver who drove by didnβt appreciate the sign and shouted at them, βLeave us alone, you religious nuts!β
All of a sudden they heard a big splash, looked at each other, and the priest said to the pastor, βYou think maybe we should have just said βBridge Outβ instead?β
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Chuck Norris is so powerful that when he goes fishing, the fish are so scared they drown.
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A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the right tools, she headed toward the nearest frozen lake.
After getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice.
Then from the heavens a voice boomed, βTHERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!β
Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hot chocolate, and started to cut yet another hole in the ice.
The voice boomed, βTHERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!β
This time quite scared, the blonde moved to the far end of the ice.
Then she started another hole and once again the voice said, βTHERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!β
The very scared blonde raised her head and said, βIs that you, Lord?β
The voice answered, βNO, IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE HOCKEY RINK!β
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Roland, an Englishman went to Spain on a fishing trip.
While there, Roland hired a Spanish guide to help him find the best fishing spots. Since Roland was learning Spanish, he asked the guide to speak to him in Spanish and to correct any mistakes of usage.
Together they were hiking on a mountain trail when a very large, purple and blue fly crossed their path.
The Englishmen pointed at the insect with his fishing rod, and announced, βMira el mosca.β
The guide, sensing a teaching opportunity to teach Roland, replied, βNo, senor, βla moscaβ, es feminina.β
Roland looked at him in amazement, then back at the fly, and then said, βGood heavens... you must have incredibly good eyesight.β
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Why didnβt Noah ever go fishing?
He only had two worms.
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