Enjoy our team's carefully selected Fishing Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
A man was fishing in the jungle.
After a while another angler came to join him.
โHave you had any bites?โ asked the second man.
โYes, lots,โ replied the first one, โbut they were all mosquitoes.โ
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Where did the fisherman and mermaid meet?
On line.
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In a small fishing village, a Newfoundlander was walking up the wharf carrying two live lobsters, at least three pounds, one in each hand. It was three weeks after the season closed.
Whom should he meet at the end of the wharf but the Fisheries Officer who, upon viewing the live and wiggling lobsters, says, โWell me laddie, I got you this time with two live lobsters, three weeks after the season closed!โ
The Newfie says, โNo, my son. You are wrong! These are two trained lobsters I caught two weeks before the season ended.โ
The Fisheries Officer says, โTrained? Like how?โ
โWell, my son, each day I takes these two from my house, down to the wharf, and puts them in the water for a swim. While they swim, I sits on the wharf and has me a smoke or two. After about 15 minutes I whistles, and up comes me two lobsters, and I takes them home!โ
โLikely story,โ the Fisheries Officer says. โLetโs take them on down to the wharf and see if its true.โ
So, the Newfoundlander goes ahead of the Fisheries Officer to the end of the wharf where, under supervision, he gently lowers both lobsters into the water.
The Newfie sits on a wharf piling and lights up a smoke, then another.
After about 15 minutes the Fisheries Officer says to the Newfie, โHow about whistling?โ
The Newfoundlander says, โWhat for?โ
The Fisheries Officer says, โTo call in the lobsters.โ
โWhat lobsters?โ the Newfie asks.
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A young man is passing by a bar when he sees an old woman fishing with a stick and a string in a puddle by the sidewalk. โShe must be a poor old fool,โ he thinks to himself, and out of the kindness of his heart, he invites the woman in for a drink.
After heโs paid for their round and the two are sitting quietly, he asks her, โSo how many have you caught today?โ The old woman grins, takes a big sip of her drink, and replies, โYouโre the eighth.โ
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What is Spider-Manโs favorite sport?
Fly fishing.
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Whatโs the best way to watch a fishing tournament?
By live stream.
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A local priest and a pastor were fishing on the side of the road.
They thoughtfully made a sign saying โThe End is Near! Turn yourself around now before itโs too late!โ and showed it to each passing car.
One driver who drove by didnโt appreciate the sign and shouted at them, โLeave us alone, you religious nuts!โ
All of a sudden they heard a big splash, looked at each other, and the priest said to the pastor, โYou think maybe we should have just said โBridge Outโ instead?โ
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Chuck Norris is so powerful that when he goes fishing, the fish are so scared they drown.
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A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the right tools, she headed toward the nearest frozen lake.
After getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice.
Then from the heavens a voice boomed, โTHERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!โ
Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hot chocolate, and started to cut yet another hole in the ice.
The voice boomed, โTHERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!โ
This time quite scared, the blonde moved to the far end of the ice.
Then she started another hole and once again the voice said, โTHERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!โ
The very scared blonde raised her head and said, โIs that you, Lord?โ
The voice answered, โNO, IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE HOCKEY RINK!โ
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Roland, an Englishman went to Spain on a fishing trip.
While there, Roland hired a Spanish guide to help him find the best fishing spots. Since Roland was learning Spanish, he asked the guide to speak to him in Spanish and to correct any mistakes of usage.
Together they were hiking on a mountain trail when a very large, purple and blue fly crossed their path.
The Englishmen pointed at the insect with his fishing rod, and announced, โMira el mosca.โ
The guide, sensing a teaching opportunity to teach Roland, replied, โNo, senor, โla moscaโ, es feminina.โ
Roland looked at him in amazement, then back at the fly, and then said, โGood heavens... you must have incredibly good eyesight.โ
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Why didnโt Noah ever go fishing?
He only had two worms.
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