Jokes on Fish

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Fish Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

Last night I made fish tacos.

They looked at them and just swam away.

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A local priest and a pastor were fishing on the side of the road.

They thoughtfully made a sign saying “The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it’s too late!” and showed it to each passing car.

One driver who drove by didn’t appreciate the sign and shouted at them, “Leave us alone, you religious nuts!”

All of a sudden they heard a big splash, looked at each other, and the priest said to the pastor, “You think maybe we should have just said “Bridge Out instead?”

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Chuck Norris is so powerful that when he goes fishing, the fish are so scared they drown.

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A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the right tools, she headed toward the nearest frozen lake.

After getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice.

Then from the heavens a voice boomed, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!”

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hot chocolate, and started to cut yet another hole in the ice.

The voice boomed, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!”

This time quite scared, the blonde moved to the far end of the ice.

Then she started another hole and once again the voice said, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!”

The very scared blonde raised her head and said, “Is that you, Lord?”

The voice answered, “NO, IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK!”

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One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard.

The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate.

“Hello Johnny, what are you up to?” he asked.

“My goldfish died and I’m gonna bury him,” Johnny replied.

“That’s a really big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?” asked the neighbor.

“That’s because he’s inside your cat!”

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Why don’t fish like playing basketball?

They are terrified of nets.

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Hey girl, are you an angler fish?

Because you are the light in my darkness.

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A shark just ate my girlfriend during our fishing trip.

Will you be my new one?

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Roland, an Englishman went to Spain on a fishing trip.

While there, Roland hired a Spanish guide to help him find the best fishing spots. Since Roland was learning Spanish, he asked the guide to speak to him in Spanish and to correct any mistakes of usage.

Together they were hiking on a mountain trail when a very large, purple and blue fly crossed their path.

The Englishmen pointed at the insect with his fishing rod, and announced, “Mira el mosca.”

The guide, sensing a teaching opportunity to teach Roland, replied, “No, senor, “la mosca”, es feminina.”

Roland looked at him in amazement, then back at the fly, and then said, “Good heavens... you must have incredibly good eyesight.”

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Why are hockey players like goldfish?

You could tap on the glass and you’d get their attention.

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Yo mama so stupid, she tried to save a fish from drowning.

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Why didn’t Noah ever go fishing?

He only had two worms.

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