Jokes on Fish



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Fish Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Fish Jokes


What do you call a Jewish fish?

Isra-eel.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Did you know all sushi comes from female fish?

Otherwise, it would be called suhe.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


What do you call a mermaid in a wheelchair?

Sushi roll.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


A young man is passing by a bar when he sees an old woman fishing with a stick and a string in a puddle by the sidewalk. β€œShe must be a poor old fool,” he thinks to himself, and out of the kindness of his heart, he invites the woman in for a drink.

After he’s paid for their round and the two are sitting quietly, he asks her, β€œSo how many have you caught today?” The old woman grins, takes a big sip of her drink, and replies, β€œYou’re the eighth.”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


What is Spider-Man’s favorite sport?

Fly fishing.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


What’s the best way to watch a fishing tournament?

By live stream.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


An alien spacecraft lands in a rice paddy in rural Japan and out comes a silver-suited alien, who floats over to an old rice farmer standing in amazement.

β€œHuman creature,” the alien bellows, β€œwe last visited your planet a hundred thousand of your earth years ago. Tell us how you have evolved since then.”

The old man recovers himself, thinks for a moment and says, β€œWell, way back a long time ago, we were a crude bunch, no doubt. We’d take any old stick and walk down to the seashore, looking for something to eat. When we saw something, stab out came the stick, right through the fish or crab or urchin or whatever, and we’d eat it right off the stick.”

β€œThat is truly a primitive state and in accordance with our records. But how have you evolved?”

β€œOh, nowadays we use two sticks.”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Last night I made fish tacos.

They looked at them and just swam away.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


A local priest and a pastor were fishing on the side of the road.

They thoughtfully made a sign saying β€œThe End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it’s too late!” and showed it to each passing car.

One driver who drove by didn’t appreciate the sign and shouted at them, β€œLeave us alone, you religious nuts!”

All of a sudden they heard a big splash, looked at each other, and the priest said to the pastor, β€œYou think maybe we should have just said β€œBridge Out” instead?”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Chuck Norris is so powerful that when he goes fishing, the fish are so scared they drown.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the right tools, she headed toward the nearest frozen lake.

After getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice.

Then from the heavens a voice boomed, β€œTHERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!”

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hot chocolate, and started to cut yet another hole in the ice.

The voice boomed, β€œTHERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!”

This time quite scared, the blonde moved to the far end of the ice.

Then she started another hole and once again the voice said, β€œTHERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!”

The very scared blonde raised her head and said, β€œIs that you, Lord?”

The voice answered, β€œNO, IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE HOCKEY RINK!”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his backyard.

The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate.

β€œHello Johnny, what are you up to?” he asked.

β€œMy goldfish died and I’m gonna bury him,” Johnny replied.

β€œThat’s a really big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?” asked the neighbor.

β€œThat’s because he’s inside your cat!”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Why don’t fish like playing basketball?

They are terrified of nets.

​

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Hey girl, are you an angler fish?

Because you are the light in my darkness.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


A shark just ate my girlfriend during our fishing trip.

Will you be my new one?

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Roland, an Englishman went to Spain on a fishing trip.

While there, Roland hired a Spanish guide to help him find the best fishing spots. Since Roland was learning Spanish, he asked the guide to speak to him in Spanish and to correct any mistakes of usage.

Together they were hiking on a mountain trail when a very large, purple and blue fly crossed their path.

The Englishmen pointed at the insect with his fishing rod, and announced, β€œMira el mosca.”

The guide, sensing a teaching opportunity to teach Roland, replied, β€œNo, senor, β€œla mosca”, es feminina.”

Roland looked at him in amazement, then back at the fly, and then said, β€œGood heavens... you must have incredibly good eyesight.”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Why are hockey players like goldfish?

You could tap on the glass and you’d get their attention.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Yo mama so stupid, she tried to save a fish from drowning.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Why didn’t Noah ever go fishing?

He only had two worms.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„




















© 2022-2023 jokes.best