Jokes on Fish



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Fish Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Fish Jokes


So I asked my Spanish friend if he knew where fish lived.

He said, β€œSi.”

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œNarwhal.”

β€œNarwhal, who?”

β€œI narwhal the best knock knock jokes! Do you wanna hear some more?”

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What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?

A submarine with a built-in snorkel.

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A man calls home to his wife and says, β€œHoney, I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We’ll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I’ve been wanting, so would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box. We’re leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas.”

The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy, but being a good wife, she does exactly what her husband asked.

The following weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good.

The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish?

He says, β€œYes! Lots of Walleye, some Bluegill, and a few Pike. But why didn’t you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?”

β€œI did, they’re in your tackle box.”

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What’s the coldest fish in the sea?

A blue whale.

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What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?

β€œCheer up!”

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I heard about a blue whale who was feeling down.

It was a huge ordeal.

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Why do blue whales need computers?

To go on their whale-net.

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What do you call a group of blue whales?

A pod of blues.

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Why don’t sharks like to eat blue whales?

Because they’re all blubber and no beef.

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What kind of sandwiches do whales eat?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.

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What fish tastes best with peanut butter?

Jellyfish.

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What did the mermaid wear to her math class?

An algae bra.

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What was the mermaid doing at the bottom of the sea?

She dropped out of school.

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Where did the fisherman and mermaid meet?

On line.

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Why did the new Little Mermaid actress have to be someone without any cosmetic enhancements?

Because there is enough plastic in the ocean already.

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What do you call violent mermaids?

Mercenaries.

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Why was the mermaid couple so indecisive?

Because they both refused to wear the pants in the relationship.

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What do you call a mermaid on a roof?

Aerial.

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Did you hear about the mermaid who decided to join human society?

Despite her efforts, others still viewed her as a fish out of water.

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If mermaid is woman, then what do you call a man version of mermaid?

Merbutler.

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Did you hear about the half of a mermaid that washed up on shore?

It’s only a tale.

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Why don’t mermaids play badminton?

They might get caught in the net.

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Why don’t lobsters like to share?

Because they’re shellfish.

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Did you know that geese kill more humans than sharks each year?

To be fair, it’s really hard for geese to kill sharks.

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A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.

So in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.

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What does a fish say when it hits a brick wall?

Dam.

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Today I’m making fish cakes covered in bread crumbs.

It will be a challenge because I’ve never been covered in breadcrumbs before.

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What do you call a Jewish fish?

Isra-eel.

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Did you know all sushi comes from female fish?

Otherwise, it would be called suhe.

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What do you call a mermaid in a wheelchair?

Sushi roll.

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An alien spacecraft lands in a rice paddy in rural Japan and out comes a silver-suited alien, who floats over to an old rice farmer standing in amazement.

β€œHuman creature,” the alien bellows, β€œwe last visited your planet a hundred thousand of your earth years ago. Tell us how you have evolved since then.”

The old man recovers himself, thinks for a moment and says, β€œWell, way back a long time ago, we were a crude bunch, no doubt. We’d take any old stick and walk down to the seashore, looking for something to eat. When we saw something, stab out came the stick, right through the fish or crab or urchin or whatever, and we’d eat it right off the stick.”

β€œThat is truly a primitive state and in accordance with our records. But how have you evolved?”

β€œOh, nowadays we use two sticks.”

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Last night I made fish tacos.

They looked at them and just swam away.

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A local priest and a pastor were fishing on the side of the road.

They thoughtfully made a sign saying β€œThe End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it’s too late!” and showed it to each passing car.

One driver who drove by didn’t appreciate the sign and shouted at them, β€œLeave us alone, you religious nuts!”

All of a sudden they heard a big splash, looked at each other, and the priest said to the pastor, β€œYou think maybe we should have just said β€œBridge Out” instead?”

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Chuck Norris is so powerful that when he goes fishing, the fish are so scared they drown.

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A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the right tools, she headed toward the nearest frozen lake.

After getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice.

Then from the heavens a voice boomed, β€œTHERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!”

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hot chocolate, and started to cut yet another hole in the ice.

The voice boomed, β€œTHERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!”

This time quite scared, the blonde moved to the far end of the ice.

Then she started another hole and once again the voice said, β€œTHERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!”

The very scared blonde raised her head and said, β€œIs that you, Lord?”

The voice answered, β€œNO, IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE HOCKEY RINK!”

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One day Little Johnny was digging a hole in his backyard.

The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate.

β€œHello Johnny, what are you up to?” he asked.

β€œMy goldfish died and I’m gonna bury him,” Johnny replied.

β€œThat’s a really big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?” asked the neighbor.

β€œThat’s because he’s inside your cat!”

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Why don’t fish like playing basketball?

They are terrified of nets.

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A shark just ate my girlfriend during our fishing trip.

Will you be my new one?

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Roland, an Englishman went to Spain on a fishing trip.

While there, Roland hired a Spanish guide to help him find the best fishing spots. Since Roland was learning Spanish, he asked the guide to speak to him in Spanish and to correct any mistakes of usage.

Together they were hiking on a mountain trail when a very large, purple and blue fly crossed their path.

The Englishmen pointed at the insect with his fishing rod, and announced, β€œMira el mosca.”

The guide, sensing a teaching opportunity to teach Roland, replied, β€œNo, senor, β€œla mosca”, es feminina.”

Roland looked at him in amazement, then back at the fly, and then said, β€œGood heavens... you must have incredibly good eyesight.”

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Why are hockey players like goldfish?

You could tap on the glass and you’d get their attention.

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Yo mama so stupid she tried to save a fish from drowning.

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Why didn’t Noah ever go fishing?

He only had two worms.

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