Fire Jokes



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Fire Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Fire Jokes


A man went to the pet shop to buy a budgie.

โ€œI would like a blue budgie pleaseโ€ he said to the assistant.

โ€œI havenโ€™t got a blue one,โ€ the assistant replied. โ€œIโ€™ll sell you a green one and a tin of paint. You can paint it yourself.โ€

โ€œOK,โ€ said the man, โ€œthatโ€™ll do.โ€

The next day, the man comes back. The budgie is dead.

โ€œLook at this,โ€ said the man. โ€œIt died while I was painting it.โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s odd,โ€ said the assistant, โ€œIโ€™m sure that paint was safe.โ€

The man replies, โ€œI never got round to painting it. It died when I was burning the old paint offโ€ฆโ€

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What do you call a fire at the Internet cafรฉ?

An e-mergency.

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Why did the 30-year-old throw a party with only one candle on the cake?

They didnโ€™t want to set off the fire alarm with all those candles!

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Fitted sheets were originally invented in 1682 in Salem, MA.

Unfortunately, they didnโ€™t catch on at that time, since anyone who could actually fold them was accused of witchcraft and subsequently burned at the stake.

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Whatโ€™s a terroristโ€™s favorite day in November?

Bomb fire night.

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What did the firefighter say when the church caught on fire?

โ€œHoly smoke!โ€

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Itโ€™s always good to find out youโ€™re going to be working from home.

Unless youโ€™re a firefighter.

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My granddad always said you should fight fire with fire.

Maybe thatโ€™s why he got fired from the fire service.

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What did the dragon say to the bad employee?

Youโ€™re fired.

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What do dragons like with their soup?

Firecrackers.

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How can you tell a boy dragon from a girl dragon?

Fireballs.

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โ€œDad, do you like baked apples?โ€

โ€œYes son, why?โ€

โ€œThe orchardโ€™s on fire.โ€

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Cinderella got her name from having to clean the cinders from the fireplace.

If instead she had to make pizzas, would her name be Mozzerella?

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I hate those people who knock on your door and say โ€œYou need to get โ€˜savedโ€™ or youโ€™ll โ€˜burnโ€™โ€.

Stupid firemen.

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A man drove by a farm every day on his way to work, and he always saw a pig in the front yard.

One morning on his way in, he noticed the pig had a wooden leg. It was odd, but he put it out of his mind.

A couple of weeks later, he saw the pig had a second wooden leg. No longer able to contain his curiosity, we stopped by the next day on his way home and knocked on the farmerโ€™s door.

An old man answered, and he asked him about the pig with the wooden legs. The old man thought for a few minutes before answering.

โ€œWell, son, let me tell you about this here pig.

One day I was out plowing in the back forty, and my tractor hit a rut. It tipped over and trapped me under it. I was pinned down and slowly pushed into the mud, where I knew I was going to be smothered and die.

This pig saw what happened, ran back to the farm, and made a huge ruckus. Then, when people came out to see what was going on, he led them to me.

Yep, that pig saved my life that day.โ€

The man agreed that was an amazing story, but he still didnโ€™t understand about the wooden legs.

The old farmer thought some more, then told him another story.

โ€œWell, a couple of nights ago, my wife and I were sleeping in the house when the barn caught fire. The wind was kicking up, and it was spreading to the main house.

If it werenโ€™t for that there pig banging on the windows and squealing and raising Cain, we would have died in that fire.

Pig saved our lives, no doubt about it.โ€

The man was flabbergasted, โ€œSir, I will grant you that is a marvelous animal, but I still donโ€™t understand why it has two wooden legs?โ€

The old farmer looked out into the yard and nodded to the pig, โ€œSon, you must be a city boy, because everybody knows a pig that good, you donโ€™t eat all at once.โ€

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A Native American man lived in the big city all his life.

Then one day his father dies.

When he goes home to the reserve for the funeral, the people all nominate him to be the new chief, since he was a successful businessman and his father was a good chief. He accepts.

But then that autumn, the people come to him and ask him if it will be a cold winter that year.

The man has no idea, since he was raised in the city all his life and doesnโ€™t know any of the peopleโ€™s traditional teachings.

So to be on the safe side, he says, โ€œYes. Better start gathering firewood.โ€

So they do.

Later that week, he decides to call up the national weather service and ask them what the forecast is for that winter.

They say, โ€œApparently, itโ€™s going to be pretty cold this year.โ€

So he orders his people to gather twice as much firewood.

The next week, he calls the weather service again to ask if there are any updates on the forecast.

They say โ€œYes! Apparently, itโ€™s going to be even colder than we previously thought.โ€

So the chief tells his people to gather three times the firewood they normally would.

He calls the weather service one more time, and the man tells him itโ€™s probably going to be the coldest winter in history.

The chief asks how they know that.

And the man tells him, โ€œI have no idea, but the Indians down at the local reserve have been gathering firewood like mad!โ€

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Itโ€™s so hot that I saw a fire hydrant chasing a dog.

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Itโ€™s so hot that firecrackers light themselves.

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Itโ€™s so hot fire ants are really on fire.

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I went to a church menโ€™s campout a few years back. Everyone was sitting around the fire cooking breakfast.

Joe, an old-time rancher, starts cooking some homemade sausage.

A few minutes go by, then someone asks, โ€œHey Joe, what kind of sausage is that? It smells good.โ€

โ€œTo which Joe replies, โ€œChocolate sausage.โ€

This gets everyoneโ€™s attention.

When the sausage finished cooking, Joe offers a piece to anyone who wanted to try it.

A few of the guys take a cut and eat it, then get confused looks on their faces.

The same guy asks Joe again, โ€œThis doesnโ€™t taste any different than normal sausage. Chocolate?..โ€

Still waking up, Joe clears his throat and says, โ€œThe horse was named Chocolate.โ€

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โ€œMan, my sinuses are on fire!โ€

โ€œAn allergy?โ€

โ€œNo, a metaphor.โ€

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Two falcons are watching an air show where fighter pilots are racing their jets against one another.

One falcon turns to the other and says, โ€œMan, I thought we were fast, but those guys are insane.โ€

The second falcon turns back and says, โ€œYouโ€™d also fly that fast if your ass was on fire.โ€

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Why did the elf put his bed in the fireplace?

Because he wanted to sleep like a log.

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Your mama so hot rangers banned her from National Parks for starting forest fires.

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An apartment building is on fire and a woman screams out the window for help.

โ€œJust jump out the window,โ€ a man yells. โ€œIโ€™m a baseball player. I can catch you.โ€

โ€œWait,โ€ she says. โ€œWhat team do you play for?โ€

โ€œThe Cincinnati Reds,โ€ shouts the man.

โ€œEhhhh,โ€ shrugs the woman. โ€œIโ€™ll take my chances with the fire.โ€

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