Jokes on Fat



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Fat Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Fat Jokes


Yo daddy so fat he wore a gray shirt to the zoo, they thought the elephants escaped.

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Yo daddy so fat when he goes camping, the bears hide THEIR food.

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Yo daddy so fat when God said β€œlet there be light”, he asked him to move out of the way.

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Yo sister so fat she has two watches, one for each time zone she’s in.

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Yo sister so fat that when she took a selfie, Instagram crashed.

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Your sister is so fat her Apple Watch is an iPad Pro on a rope.

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Yo sister so fat she’s the reason London Bridge is falling down.

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Yo sister so fat the only way she burns calories is when her food catches on fire.

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What’s a fat ghost’s biggest fear of physical therapists?

Being exercised.

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A fifteen-year-old Amish boy and his father were in a mall.

They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, β€œWhat is this, Father?”

The father, never having seen an elevator, responded, β€œSon, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button.

The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally, the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, β€œSon, go get your mother.”

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You know you’re 50 when you have to use your GPS to locate your feet because you can’t see over your belly.

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Why was the killer relentlessly killing fat people on Friday the 13th?

He wanted to be a mass murderer.

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A rabbit, a fox and a bear have to enroll in the army. Neither of the 3 are very happy about it, and the only chance they have to avoid it is by being rejected during the medical exam.

As they are waiting in line at the doctor’s office, their desperation builds up untill right before it’s the rabbits turn.

The rabbit turns to the fox, β€œFox, I might have a plan. Bite off my ear, trust me on this one!”

The fox does so, and the rabbit enters the office.

A few moments later, he gets out yelling, β€œI was rejected, guys!”

β€œBecause of your ear?” they ask.

β€œYes, because without it, I can’t detect the enemy as well,” says rabbit.

β€œGood thinking,” they say.

And with that in mind the fox turns to the bear, β€œRip my tail off!”

The bear doesn’t even hesitate and does so.

Then, the fox takes his turn in the office.

After a while he comes back yelling, β€œI am rejected too! Without my tail, I can’t be as sneaky and agile as I need to be.”

Now it was the bear’s turn to ask, β€œQuickly, guys, knock out all of my teeth, because a bear without teeth isn’t scary at all!”

The rabbit and the fox start beating the muzzle of the bear, completly breaking his face untill there is no tooth is left in his mouth.

He then proceeds to go inside the doctor’s office.

Not long after he gets out, he shouts, β€œRejecwew!”

β€œNice,” they say. β€œBecause of your teeth, right?”

β€œNwo,β€œ says the bear. β€œToo fat.”

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Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline.

If you’d like to lose a half pound right now, press β€œ1” 18 000 times.

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My wife has a whale tattooed on her butt.

It used to be a dolphin.

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I went to the doctor today for a checkup, and he showed me on a chart that I’m 20 pounds overweight.

But I pointed out that using his very same data, I’m not overweight, I just need to be 3 inches taller.

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My wife said, β€œIf we ever win the lottery, I want you to buy me something compact, shiny, and can go from 0 to 200 in three seconds.”

I figured why wait, so surprised her that night... with a shiny new bathroom scale.

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I just saw real, a real idiot at the gym.

He put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

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Since quarantine I’ve not had a haircut. Hell, I’ve not even stepped on the scales.

So today I decided to weigh myself for the first time in months.

Who knew hair weighed so much?!

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The center of a donut is 100% fat-free.

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Yo mama so fat Rick and Morty thought her belly button was a portal to another dimension.

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Yo mama so fat when I saw her on Tinder, swiped left and she was still on the screen.

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Yo mama so fat NASA thought she was a planet.

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Yo mama so fat her belt is the equator.

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Yo mama so fat every time she took a step it caused an earthquake.

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Yo mama so fat when she ate an Avocado it was Nickado.

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Yo mama so fat when she went to In-N-Out she couldn’t get in nor out.

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Yo mama so fat Naruto couldn’t make enough shadow clones to surround her.

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Yo mama so fat her splash attack does damage.

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Yo mama so fat every time she turns around it’s her birthday.

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Yo mama so fat Donald Trump used her as the border wall.

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Yo mama so fat she wakes up on both sides of the bed.

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Yo mama so fat when she sat on the iPod she made the iPad!

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Yo mama so fat she wears two watches, one for each time zone she’s in.

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Yo mama so fat Darth Vader couldn’t even force choke her.

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Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise.

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Yo mama so fat her blood type is Nutella.

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Yo mama so fat she fed an entire zombie apocalypse.

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Yo mama so fat Cupid’s arrows couldn’t pierce her.

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Yo mama so fat the horse on her polo shirt is real.

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Yo mama so fat when she wears her yellow raincoat people yell out β€œtaxi!”.

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Yo mama so fat her school pictures were taken by a satellite.

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Yo mama so fat she uses the highway as a slip and slide.

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Yo mama so fat not even Superman can lift her.

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Yo mama so fat I took a picture of her last Christmas and it’s still printing.

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Yo mama so fat when she lands in Fortnite she gets a Victory Royale.

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Yo mama’s so fat she crashed the Fortnite servers.

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Yo mama’s so fat not even a ninja could carry her in a Fortnite battle.

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Bread is like the Sun:

It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.

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Yo mama so fat when she sat on a dollar bill she squeezed a booger out of George Washington’s nose.

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A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

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Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?

You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

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Diet day 1:

I removed all the fattening food from my house.

It was delicious.

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Wife: β€œI look fat. Can you give me a compliment?”

Husband: β€œYou have perfect eyesight.”

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Yo mama so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops.

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Your mama so fat she sat on a dollar and when she got up there were 4 quarters.

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Your mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says β€œto be continued”.

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Your mama so fat she gets group insurance!

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Your mama so fat a picture of her would fall off the wall!

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My wife gave birth four times and still fits in her prom dress from high school.

I gave birth 0 times and I haven’t fit in my pants since March.

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Yo mama’s so fat when she fell I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

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Yo mama is so fat that the National Weather Service names each of her farts.

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Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, β€œI need your weight, not your phone number.”

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Yo momma so fat she can’t reach her back pocket.

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Yo mama so fat when she died she broke the stairway to heaven.

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Yo mama’s so fat I swerved to miss her in my car and ran out of gas.

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