Jokes About Farts



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Fart Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Fart Jokes


Whatโ€™s Uranusโ€™ favorite party trick?

Its gas giant dance moves.

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What is the definition of bravery?

A man with diarrhea chancing a fart.

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Whatโ€™s the definition of a surprise?

A fart with a lump in it.

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What is it called when two mummies fart at the same time?

Toot-in-common.

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What do the US military and a fart have in common?

Air Force.

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What did one Egyptian say to the other when they farted at the same time?

Looks like weโ€™ve got a Tutankhamen.

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I farted in the Apple Store on Black Friday and everyone got pissed at me.

Not my fault they donโ€™t have Windows.

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I started my new job as a bingo caller last night and halfway through calling the numbers I farted loudly.

My boss immediately came over and whispered in my ear, โ€œDonโ€™t do that again.โ€

โ€œSorry,โ€ I said, โ€œIt must be the nerves.โ€

โ€œFair enough,โ€ he replied, โ€œBut there was no need to hold the microphone to your ass.โ€

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A high class looking woman sat down next to me on the train.

I took in a breath and asked aloud, โ€œWhatโ€™s that smell?โ€

She turned to me, looked down her nose and said, โ€œChanel, 500 dollars an ounce.โ€ She turned away.

About 10 minutes later, I let out a silent fart.

She turns to me and asks, โ€œWhatโ€™s that smell?โ€

I say, โ€œBroccoli, $1.49 a pound.โ€

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Success is like a fart.

It only bothers people when itโ€™s not their own.

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Why are there only 239 beans in Irish stew?

Because one more, and itโ€™d be too farty.

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Why is it that Uranus smells distinctly like farts?

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Dave and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics in Melbourne, Australia. One day the airport was fogged in, and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Dave said, โ€œMan, I wish we had something to drink!โ€

Jim says, โ€œMe too. You know, Iโ€™ve heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You want to try it?โ€

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed.

The next morning, Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact, he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!

Then the phone rings. Itโ€™s Jim.

Jim: โ€œHey, how do you feel this morning?โ€

Dave: โ€œI feel great, how about you?โ€

Jim: โ€œI feel great, too. You donโ€™t have a hangover?โ€

Dave: โ€œNo, that jet fuel is great stuff no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often.โ€

Jim: โ€œYeah, well thereโ€™s just one thing.โ€

Dave: โ€œWhatโ€™s that?โ€

Jim: โ€œHave you farted yet?โ€

Dave: โ€œNo.โ€

Jim: โ€œWell, DONโ€™Tโ€”because Iโ€™m in New Zealand.โ€

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Itโ€™s so cold, I farted snowflakes.

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Yo momma so fat when she farts scientists on Tatooine think the star around Coruscant just went supernova.

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WFH day 3:

Was in a 15-person online meeting, thought I was muted, farted really loudly... Shit!

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Before โ€œworking from homeโ€ became a thing, I had no idea how great it would feel to walk around naked and fart all day whilst working!

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What is another fancy name for a sun fart?

A solar flare.

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A woman goes to her boyfriendโ€™s parentsโ€™ house for dinner. This is her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.

The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water.

Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart. It wasnโ€™t loud, but everyone at the table heard the poot. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriendโ€™s father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the womenโ€™s feet, and said in a rather stern voice, โ€œGinger!โ€

The woman thought, โ€œThis is great!โ€ and a big smile came across her face.

A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didnโ€™t hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip.

The father again looked at the dog and yelled, โ€œDammit, Ginger!โ€

Once again the woman smiled and thought, โ€œYes!โ€

A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didnโ€™t even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing.

Again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, โ€œDammit, Ginger, get away from her before she shits on you!โ€

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A woman comes from a restaurant and ate a lot of beans.

When she gets home, his husband puts a blindfold on hair and says not to take it off.

The lady hears her husband leave the room and starts farting really loudly.

When the husband comes back and takes off the blindfold the lady sees 12 people with pegs on their noses singing โ€œHappy birthday!โ€.

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Yo mamaโ€™s nose is so big she can smell a fart coming.

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An old lady goes to the doctor, super irritated.

She unloads on the doctor, โ€œDoctor, my friends are all being awful people! Theyโ€™re all telling me I fart all the time, and itโ€™s just plain rude of them!

โ€œOh really?โ€ The doctor says.

โ€œYEAH! Theyโ€™re ALL silent so I have no idea why theyโ€™d point them out. On top of all that, for them to tell me my gas is enough to gag a maggot. How could your friends say that!!โ€

โ€œI see,โ€ the doctor says.

โ€œYEAH!! Iโ€™ve even felt a few fly out in the office and youโ€™ve not had a SINGLE problem in this visit.โ€

โ€œHere, take these pills, they should help you out.โ€ The doctor says.

Itโ€™s been a day now, and the doctorโ€™s pensively reviewing some charts, when all of a sudden the old lady busts into practice, shouting at the receptionist for the doctor to see her RIGHT AWAY.

She says, โ€œDoctor, what the hell have you done with these pills?! Iโ€™m farting ALL THE TIME now and it smells like a landfill!โ€

After a deep breath, the doctor says, โ€œNow that your nose is fixed, letโ€™s work on your gas and ears.โ€

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I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to fart.

The place was packed, but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts to the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs I started to feel much better.

I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.

I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod (with earpiece).

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Love is like farting.

If you have to force it, itโ€™s going to end in a mess.

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Your mama so old she farts dust!

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When Chuck Norris was a baby, he farted for the first time, that is when the big bang first happened.

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Yo mama is so fat that the National Weather Service names each of her farts.

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