Falling Jokes



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Falling Jokes


A priest, a rabbi, and a Buddhist monk fall out of a plane.

The Buddhist monk says, β€œIt will be okay, for we shall all be reincarnated.”

The priest says, β€œIt will be okay, for we shall all meet in Heaven.”

The rabbi says, β€œAm I the only one who remembered we were going skydiving today?”

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In Darwin, Australia, a multi-millionaire wanted to throw a party and invited all of his friends and neighbors. He also invited Brian, the sole aboriginal in the area.

He threw the party in his mansion’s garden, around the pool. Everyone was having a terrific time drinking, dancing, eating grilled prawns and oysters, and flirting.

The millionaire then announced, β€œI have a 15-foot man-eating crocodile in my pool, and I’ll give a million dollars to anyone who joins him in the pool.”

The words had only left his mouth when there was a huge splash.

Everyone turned around to see Brian fighting the crocodile in the water, jabbing it in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, headbutting it, choking it, biting its tail, and tossing it into the air like some kind of martial arts expert.

The water was swirling and splashing all over the place. Brian and the crocodile were both shouting and yelling.

Brian finally strangled the crocodile and let it float to the top of the pool like a dead goldfish after what seemed like an eternity.

Brian stepped out of the pool, weary, with everyone looking at him in surprise.

β€œWell, Brian, I think I owe you a million dollars then,” the millionaire responded.

β€œNo way, boss, I don’t want it,” Brian replied.

So the millionaire says, β€œMan, I have to offer you something. You won the wager. How about a million dollars?”

β€œNo, thanks, I don’t want it,” Brian said emphatically.

The millionaire again says, β€œCome on, I have to give you something. That was incredible. What about a brand-new Porsche, a Rolex, and some stock options?”

Again, Brian said, β€œNo.”

β€œWell, Brian, then what do you want?” the rich man inquired, perplexed.

β€œI want the bastard who pushed me in,” said Brian.

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An Australian tour guide was showing a group of American tourists the Top End.

On their way to Kakadu he was describing the abilities of the Australian aborigine to track man or beast over land, through the air, under the sea.

The Americans were incredulous.

Later in the day, the tour rounded a bend on the highway and discovered, lying in the middle of the road, an aborigine.

He had one ear pressed to the white line, whilst his left leg was held high in the air.

The tour stopped and the guide and the tourists gathered around the prostrate aborigine.

β€œJacky,” said the tour guide, β€œwhat are you tracking and what are you listening for?”

The aborigine replied, β€œDown the road about 25 miles is a 1971 Valiant Ute. It’s a red one. The left front tire is bald. The front ends out of whack, and him got bloody dents in every panel. There are 9 black fellas in the back, all drinking warm sherry. There are 3 kangaroos on the roof rack and 6 dogs on the front seat.”

The American tourists moved forward, astounded by this precise and detailed knowledge.

β€œGod man, how do you know all that?,” asked one.

The aborigine replied, β€œI fell out off the pucken thing about half an hour ago!”

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Did you hear about the sky that fell?

It turned the whole world blue.

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Yo sister so fat she’s the reason London Bridge is falling down.

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Why did the witch fall off her broom mid-flight?

She had a fainting spell.

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An actor I know fell through the floor recently.

It’s just a stage he was going through.

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National Pride Day should be September 21.

September 22 is the first day of Autumn, and as everyone knows, pride goes before a fall.

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Alcoholics don’t run in my family.

But sometimes they fall down the stairs.

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Why do people with vertigo hate autumn?

In case they have a bad fall.

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Did you know, you can make any dish an autumn dish by adding one simple step?

Try dropping it on the floor.

It really gives it that fall flavor.

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Why did Humpty Dumpty love autumn?

Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

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I watched a baseball game once, where the umpire kept wandering about, and was eventually knocked out by a ball.

It was the fall of the roamin’ umpire.

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The taller you are, the harder you’ll fall.

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Guess what you call someone who never falls down the stairs?

A stair-voyant.

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How does the solar system keep its pants from falling down?

It uses an asteroid belt.

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Yo mama’s breath is so bad that when she talks her nose hairs fall out.

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Your mama so fat a picture of her would fall off the wall!

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I was in my garden when I got the news that my father had fallen from a 20 feet ladder and was in the hospital.

I rushed to the hospital expecting that my father had some major fractures, but he was alright except for some minor cuts.

When I told him that it was a miracle, he disagreed and told me, β€œSon, I had just fallen from the first step of the ladder.”

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Why does a pitcher raise one leg when he throws the ball?

If he raises them both, he’d fall down.

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Student: β€œ503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?”

Teacher: β€œ502.”

Student: β€œHow do you put an elephant in a fridge?”

Teacher: β€œNo you can’t fit an elephant in a fridge!”

Student: β€œJust open the door, put the elephant in, close the door.”

Student: β€œHow do you put a giraffe in the fridge?”

Teacher: β€œOpen the door, put the giraffe in, close the door.”

Student: β€œNo! Open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the door.”

Student: β€œThe Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?”

Teacher: β€œThe lion?”

Student: β€œNo! The giraffe because he’s in a fridge.”

Student: β€œSally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?”

Teacher: β€œSally stepped on the alligator's mouth?”

Student: β€œThe gators are at the party.”

Student: β€œBut Sally dies anyway. Why?”

Teacher: β€œShe drowned?!”

Student: β€œNo! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.”

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