Face Jokes



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Face Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Face Jokes


A wife asked her husband, β€œWhat do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?”

He looked at her from head to toe and replied, β€œI like your sense of humor!”

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What did the Elf on the Shelf put on his face after shaving?

Elftershave.

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John came to school with a scar on his forehead.

Tom asked him what do you have on your face?

John answered that it was a scar and it was his father's fault.

John explained that he hit a nail with his fist, and his father told him that he really should use his head sometimes.

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My wife got stung by a bee on the forehead. She’s at the ER now. Her face all swollen and bruised, she almost died.

Luckily, I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel.

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You know you’re 50 when your face has more wrinkles than an elephant’s backside.

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Roses are red, violets are blue.

Your face is going to meet my shoe.

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Roses are red, violets are blue.

A face like yours, belongs in a zoo.

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Chuck Norris made the llama extinct.

Never spit in his face.

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A man approaches a priest.

β€œBless me, Father, for I have sinned,” he says. β€œI’ve spent the week with seven beautiful women.”

β€œDo not fret, my son,” says the priest. β€œAll you need to do is take seven lemons, squeeze the juice into a glass, and drink the juice.”

β€œWill that cleanse my sin from me?”

β€œNo, but it’ll wipe that smile off your face.”

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My friends keep calling me a joker.

But no matter how many decks of cards I search through, I still can’t find my face on a single one.

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Chuck Norris told his iPhone 2G it was a iPhone 4.

He can now multi task and use face time.

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Now that Elon Musk has bought Twitter and laid off half the staff, he’s planning on buying YouTube and Facebook and doing the same with them.

To save even more money, he plans on merging the three companies into one.

He’s going to call it YouTwitFace.

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Why did the smiley face have hair over its face?

It’s an emo-ji.

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Yesterday, I painted half of my face like a clown and went for a drive.

I don’t think anyone saw the funny side.

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There’s a support group for people addicted to plastic surgery.

The head of the group walks in and says, β€œI’m seeing a lot of new faces this week, and I have to say I’m pretty disappointed.”

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My grandad is getting old and he’s starting to have a hard time with all the stares.

It’s his own fault, I told him not to get that face tattoo.

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Want to hear something that’ll make you smile?

Your face muscles.

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2 hockey players were fighting on the rink.

Both were swinging at each other full strength. Until one lands a nice right-handed to the jaw and the hockey player lands face first onto the ice.

A player on the bench says, β€œAt least he got ice on it right away.”

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I was cycling to work when a snow plow suddenly overtook me at high speed, spreading salt which hit my face.

β€œBASTARD!” I shouted, through gritted teeth.

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I asked what I should bring to the party. The hosts said, β€œNothing, just bring a happy face.”

I had to cancel.

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Your forehead is so big your entire face is on your chin.

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What did the girl say to Bald Bill when they were engaged?

She said, β€œGod was generous to you. He gave you a lovely face and room for one more.”

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What was the taxidermist doing at the hot dog stand?

Stuffing his face!

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I just paid for a full haircut, conditioner, neck and scalp massage, face shave and then mustache trim and wax.

It’s my wife’s birthday and I thought, β€œWhat the hell! I’ll treat her.”

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Yo momma’s so ugly they push her face in the dough to make Ugnaught cookies.

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Why did the friend who shaved lie about his beard?

He’s a bald-faced liar.

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Why did the man intentionally get kicked in the face by a horse?

He wanted a horseshoe mustache.

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What did the beard say after growing back on the man’s face?

β€œI’ve been hair before!”

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Why did the man who couldn’t grow a beard tape a rabbit to his face?

Then he would get the facial hare he always wanted.

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Yo mama so tall when she did a backflip she digs God in the face.

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I like to show my girlfriend who’s the boss in our house.

I do this by holding a mirror up to her face.

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A beaver is eating an ice cream. He has a sour look on his face.

β€œI wish I’d reached the stick already,” he mumbles to himself.

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There’s a reason our nose is in the middle of our face.

It’s because that’s the scenter.

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In most cartoons I watched, characters were able to come back from near death by having water splashed on their face.

On a completely unrelated note, I am no longer allowed at funerals...

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Why don’t men with beards need a vacuum?

Because they already have a crumb catcher on their faces.

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A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender asked him, β€œWhy the long face?”

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I first realized I was going bald when it started taking longer and longer for me to wash my face.

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Yo mama is so ugly her hairline is receding just to get away from her face.

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What do you call a man who has cat scratches all over his face?

Claude.

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Your mama so ugly the psychiatrist makes her lie face down.

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Little Johnny’s teacher is doing her rounds at lunchtime when she sees little Johnny pulling faces at another child.

She starts to talk sternly to Little Johnny and says, β€œJohnny, when I was a young girl I was told that if I made ugly faces and the wind changed, my face would stay that way.”

Little Johnny looks up to her and says, β€œWell miss, you can’t say that you weren’t warned.”

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My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

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