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Exam Jokes

In class one day, Mr. Johnson pulled Johnny over to his desk after a test and said, โ€œJohnny, I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests.โ€

Johnny was astounded and asked Mr. Johnson to prove it.

โ€œWell,โ€ said Mr. Johnson, โ€œI was looking over your test and the question was, โ€˜Who was our first president?โ€™, and the little girl that sits next to you, Mary, put โ€˜George Washingtonโ€™, and so did you.โ€

โ€œSo, everyone knows that he was the first president,โ€ said Little Johnny with his eyes wide open.

โ€œJust wait a minute,โ€ said Mr. Johnson. โ€œThe next question was, โ€˜Who freed the slaves?โ€™. Mary put Abraham Lincoln and so did you.โ€

โ€œWell, I read the history book last night and I remembered that,โ€ said Johnny.

โ€œWait, wait,โ€ said Mr. Johnson. โ€œThe next question was, โ€˜Who was president during the Louisiana Purchase?โ€™. Mary put โ€˜I donโ€™t knowโ€™, and you put, โ€˜Me neitherโ€™.โ€

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When the student asked the history teacher what questions would be there for the history exam, she answered โ€œThe pastโ€.

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Two college students accidentally miss the math final exam.

The next day, they both went to plead with their professor. He was feeling pretty good that day so he allowed them to retake it. He told them to both come back tomorrow for an oral exam.

When they both showed up, he told one of them to wait outside while he tested the other. So one enters and the other puts his ear to the door to listen.

The professor begins asking the question, โ€œYou are riding in a train car and you get too hot. What do you do?โ€

The student replies, โ€œI open the window.โ€

โ€œOK. Now that window is 2 feet wide and 3 feet high. The train is traveling 50 mph going north and the wind is blowing at 15 mph due east. How long will it take for new air to replace the old air in the car?โ€

The student is clearly confused by this difficult question and just answers, โ€œI donโ€™t know.โ€

So the professor gives him an F, dismisses him, and calls in his friend.

He begins asking his friend, โ€œYou are riding in a train car and it gets too hot. What do you do?โ€

He says, โ€œI will take my jacket off.โ€ โ€œOK. But itโ€™s still too hot. What do you do?โ€

โ€œI take my shirt off.โ€

โ€œI understand but itโ€™s very, very hot.โ€

โ€œI will just get naked.โ€

โ€œOK. But there are people in the car who will see you get naked.โ€

โ€œWith all respect, professor,โ€ said the student, โ€œI donโ€™t care if my grandmother and my priest are there, thereโ€™s no way Iโ€™m opening that darn window!โ€

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How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam?

An itsy bitsy book.

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The human brain is amazing.

It functions 24 hours a day, everyday since we were born and only stops when taking an exam.

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I have an archaeology exam tomorrow.

And it doesnโ€™t matter if I pass or fail because either way my futureโ€™s in ruins.

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I got caught cheating on my physics exam.

Furious, my professor said to me, โ€œI hope you understand the gravity of the situation!โ€

But if I had known that, I wouldnโ€™t be in this situation in the first place.

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I burst into tears right before my physics exam.

The professor asked, โ€œWhatโ€™s the matter?โ€

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My calculator stopped working mid-way through my exam.

I canโ€™t count on it anymore.

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Bit nervous about my maths exam.

Think my chances of passing it are 40-40.

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Teacher: โ€œIn the exam, you will be allowed 30 minutes for each question.โ€

Pupil: โ€œHow long for the answers, sir?โ€

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Teacher: โ€œI hope I didnโ€™t see you looking at Timโ€™s exam paper.โ€

Pupil: โ€œI hope you didnโ€™t see me either!โ€

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A mother noticed her little daughter praying.

โ€œPlease, God,โ€ the little girl kept saying, โ€œBless my father and my mother and make Melaka the capital city of Malaysia.โ€

โ€œWhy did you make such as strange request?โ€ the mother asked.

โ€œBecause thatโ€™s what I wrote in my Geography test this morning!โ€

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An engineering student designed a robot that would take his exams for him.

The other designed a robot that could cheat off the first robot.

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Student: โ€œIโ€™ve been writing my exam for 2 hours but havenโ€™t answered a single question!!!โ€

Politics Teacher: โ€œWell done, thatโ€™s an A.โ€

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I missed a question on my biology exam today.

The question was: What are commonly found in cells?

I guess โ€œprisonersโ€ wasnโ€™t the right answer.

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I messaged my ex on the day before my exam.

I asked if he had any good cheating tips.

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I could feel the exam in my stomach.

It was kinda quizzy.

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A statistics major was completely hung over the day of his final exam. It was a true/false test, so he decided to flip a coin for the answers.

The statistics professor watched the student the entire two hours as he was flipping the coinโ€ฆ writing the answerโ€ฆ flipping the coinโ€ฆ writing the answer.

At the end of the two hours, everyone else had left the final, except for the one student.

The professor walks up to his desk and interrupts the student, saying, โ€œListen, I have seen that you did not study for this statistics test, you didnโ€™t even open the exam. If you are just flipping a coin for your answer, what is taking you so long?โ€

The student replies bitterly (as he is still flipping the coin), โ€œShhh! I am checking my answers!โ€

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I told my dad I couldnโ€™t believe Iโ€™d failed my biology exam.

He said, โ€œIโ€™m your mum!โ€

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During a biology exam, a student has to list three pros of breast milk.

Heโ€™s unprepared, but starts looking for common sense answers and writes down:

โ€“ Contains all the nutrients a baby needs.

โ€“ Doesnโ€™t need heating.

But he still needs one more.

And just as the time is about to run out, the student writes:

โ€“ Has great packaging.

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I said to my teacher, โ€œI donโ€™t think I deserved a zero for this exam.โ€

She said, โ€œI agree, but I couldnโ€™t give you any less.โ€

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