Employee Jokes



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Employee Jokes


Bowlers do not make good employees.

This is because 80% of the time, they are always going on strike.

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Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying β€œEmployees must wash hands”.

But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!

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Why do blueberries make bad employees?

They always end up getting the blues.

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Why was the blue mold fired from the cheese factory?

Because it was too blue.

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The bathroom door at my workplace has a sign that reads β€œPlease use toilet brush after using the toilet”.

Will it be okay to ask my employer to provide a softer brush so it hurts less?

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What did Elon Musk get when changing Twitter’s name?

A bunch of X-employees.

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What did Microsoft employees say to Bill Gates after his motivational speech?

Word.

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Why do the employees get sick on Labor Day weekend?

Weakened immune system.

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A boss buys his employee a bottle of liquor to celebrate Labor Day.

The employee goes, β€œI haven’t bought alcohol in 15 years. I’m 15 years free.”

The boss replies, β€œI’m so sorry mate. I didn’t mean to break your sobriety!”

The employee responds, β€œSobriety? No, I just have been stealing alcohol for 15 years and drinking it for free.”

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Why did the employee get a camel in the office building?

Because the boss said, β€œBring in the hump day.”

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An employee’s monthly salary was typically 2500$. However, one month, he received 2700$ and decided to remain silent about the discrepancy. The following month, his paycheck only amounted to 2300$, prompting him to march directly to the HR manager to voice his complaint.

The HR manager, somewhat puzzled, inquired why there hadn’t been a complaint the previous month when an extra 200 had been received.

With a slight smirk, the individual responded, β€œI’m usually one to forgive the first mistake, but I simply can’t tolerate it when a second one is made.”

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HR: β€œThis is your revised salary. We recommend you keep it confidential.”

Employee: β€œDon’t worry, I’m equally ashamed of it.”

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Employee: β€œYour careers page says the company offers a competitive salary. What does that mean exactly?”

HR: β€œThat means your salary will be competing with your bills.”

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An employee asked his boss, β€œCan I have a few days off seeing as it’s so close to Christmas?”

The boss said, β€œIt’s May.”

β€œSorry,” the employee replied, β€œMay I have a few days off seeing as it’s so close to Christmas?”

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An electric company is always looking for high energy employees.

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What did the dragon say to the bad employee?

You’re fired.

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My wife and I went down to the seafood market, but I didn’t trust the employees there.

They seemed a little fishy.

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During her company’s periodic password audit, a blond employee was found to be using this password:

GoofyHueyLouieDeweyDaisyDonaldMickeyMinniePhoenix

When she was asked why she had such a long password, she said, β€œThe boss said that my password had to be at least eight characters long and have at least one capital.”

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One company owner asks another, β€œTell me, Bill, how come your employees are always on time in the mornings?”

Bill replies, β€œEasy. 30 employees and 20 parking spaces.”

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Employee: β€œCan I have a day off next week to visit my mother-in-law?”

Boss: β€œCertainly not.”

Employee: β€œThank you so much! I knew you would be understanding.”

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A man worked for a road crew. One day he woke up ill with a touch of laryngitis but being a dedicated employee he went to work.

The boss felt sorry for him and didn’t want him to do any physical labor although they were repairing a part of the freeway.

He said to the worker, β€œWhy don’t you go down the road and tell people to slow down going through the construction?”

The worker is glad for the easy day and does as instructed. He stops the first vehicle that comes along.

β€œSir,” he whispers, his throat feeling worse, β€œPlease slow down, there’s a road crew up ahead.”

β€œOkay,” the driver whispers back, β€œI’ll try not to wake them.”

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What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend?

A PayDay.

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Manager: β€œSir, our employees are so habitual of working from home and can’t work in a normal office.”

β€œFor a better environment, we have made the office look and facility like Home and ask them to come in their pajamas.”

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My memory has gotten so bad it has actually caused me to lose my job.

I’m still employed. I just can’t remember where.

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Boss: β€œDo you believe in life after death?”

Employee: β€œNo, because there is no proof of it.”

Boss: β€œWell there is now!”

Employee: β€œHow?”

Boss: β€œWhen you left yesterday saying that you have to go to your uncle’s funeral, your uncle came here looking for you after you left.”

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