Ear Puns and Hilarious Ear Jokes

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Ear Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

Ear Jokes

Have you heard about the new trend?

People are putting baked goods on their ear studs.

It’s pie-on-earring fashion.

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A ranger was assigned the task of hunting buffalo. He hired an aboriginal scout to assist him. They set out on their expedition to find buffalo.

After a while, the scout dismounts, places his ear to the ground, and says, β€œHumm, buffalo come.”

The ranger looks around with his binoculars but sees nothing.

β€œI see nothing,” he says to the scout, β€œhow do you know buffalo are coming?”

β€œEar sticky,” says the scout.

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What do all Star Trek captains have in common?

They all have three ears.

A left ear.

A right ear.

And a final frontier.

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This morning, my son said his ear hurt and I asked, β€œOn the inside or outside?”

So he walks out the front door, comes back in and says, β€œBoth.”

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How do mountains hear?

With mountaineers.

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My wife just now: β€œDo men’s ears actually work, or are they just for decoration?”

Me: β€œWhat?”

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A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up.

The boss says, β€œWhat happened to your ears?”

He says, β€œYesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang, and shhh! I accidentally answered the iron.”

The boss says, β€œWell, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?”

He says, β€œWell, geez, I had to call the doctor.”

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Son: β€œMom! Mom! The mean kids keep saying I have big ears!”

Mom: β€œOh really? I’ll talk to them. Where are they?”

Son: β€œIn the next town over!”

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Yo mama’s ears are so big she can hear what I’m thinking.

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Yo mama’s ears are so big she can hear sign language.

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What do you call people with big ears?

Nothing, they might hear you.

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Your ears are so big you don’t need a parachute when you go base jumping.

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Your ears are so big you use shower heads as earbuds.

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Your ears are so big you don’t need an alarm clock.

You can hear the sun come up in the morning.

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An old lady goes to the doctor, super irritated.

She unloads on the doctor, β€œDoctor, my friends are all being awful people! They’re all telling me I fart all the time, and it’s just plain rude of them!

β€œOh really?” The doctor says.

β€œYEAH! They’re ALL silent so I have no idea why they’d point them out. On top of all that, for them to tell me my gas is enough to gag a maggot. How could your friends say that!!”

β€œI see,” the doctor says.

β€œYEAH!! I’ve even felt a few fly out in the office and you’ve not had a SINGLE problem in this visit.”

β€œHere, take these pills, they should help you out.” The doctor says.

It’s been a day now, and the doctor’s pensively reviewing some charts, when all of a sudden the old lady busts into practice, shouting at the receptionist for the doctor to see her RIGHT AWAY.

She says, β€œDoctor, what the hell have you done with these pills?! I’m farting ALL THE TIME now and it smells like a landfill!”

After a deep breath, the doctor says, β€œNow that your nose is fixed, let’s work on your gas and ears.”

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A guy walks into the doctor’s office.

A carrot stuck in one of his ears, a cucumber in the other ear, and a mushroom stuck in one nostril.

The man says, β€œDoc, this is terrible. What’s wrong with me?”

The doctor says, β€œWell, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly.”

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Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm?

Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans stalk.

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Once there was a bear with no ears, guess what they call it?

A β€œB”.

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