Ear Puns and Hilarious Ear Jokes



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Ear Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Ear Jokes


A ranger was assigned the task of hunting buffalo. He hired an aboriginal scout to assist him. They set out on their expedition to find buffalo.

After a while, the scout dismounts, places his ear to the ground, and says, โ€œHumm, buffalo come.โ€

The ranger looks around with his binoculars but sees nothing.

โ€œI see nothing,โ€ he says to the scout, โ€œhow do you know buffalo are coming?โ€

โ€œEar sticky,โ€ says the scout.

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What do all Star Trek captains have in common?

They all have three ears.

A left ear.

A right ear.

And a final frontier.

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This morning, my son said his ear hurt and I asked, โ€œOn the inside or outside?โ€

So he walks out the front door, comes back in and says, โ€œBoth.โ€

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How do mountains hear?

With mountaineers.

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My wife just now: โ€œDo menโ€™s ears actually work, or are they just for decoration?โ€

Me: โ€œWhat?โ€

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A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up.

The boss says, โ€œWhat happened to your ears?โ€

He says, โ€œYesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and shhh! I accidentally answered the iron.โ€

The boss says, โ€œWell, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?โ€

He says, โ€œWell, geez, I had to call the doctor.โ€

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Son: โ€œMom! Mom! The mean kids keep saying I have big ears!โ€

Mom: โ€œOh really? Iโ€™ll talk to them. Where are they?โ€

Son: โ€œIn the next town over!โ€

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Yo mamaโ€™s ears are so big she can hear what Iโ€™m thinking.

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Yo mamaโ€™s ears are so big she can hear sign language.

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What do you call people with big ears?

Nothing, they might hear you.

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Your ears are so big you donโ€™t need a parachute when you go base jumping.

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Your ears are so big you use shower heads as earbuds.

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Your ears are so big you donโ€™t need an alarm clock.

You can hear the sun come up in the morning.

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An old lady goes to the doctor, super irritated.

She unloads on the doctor, โ€œDoctor, my friends are all being awful people! Theyโ€™re all telling me I fart all the time, and itโ€™s just plain rude of them!

โ€œOh really?โ€ The doctor says.

โ€œYEAH! Theyโ€™re ALL silent so I have no idea why theyโ€™d point them out. On top of all that, for them to tell me my gas is enough to gag a maggot. How could your friends say that!!โ€

โ€œI see,โ€ the doctor says.

โ€œYEAH!! Iโ€™ve even felt a few fly out in the office and youโ€™ve not had a SINGLE problem in this visit.โ€

โ€œHere, take these pills, they should help you out.โ€ The doctor says.

Itโ€™s been a day now, and the doctorโ€™s pensively reviewing some charts, when all of a sudden the old lady busts into practice, shouting at the receptionist for the doctor to see her RIGHT AWAY.

She says, โ€œDoctor, what the hell have you done with these pills?! Iโ€™m farting ALL THE TIME now and it smells like a landfill!โ€

After a deep breath, the doctor says, โ€œNow that your nose is fixed, letโ€™s work on your gas and ears.โ€

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A guy walks into the doctorโ€™s office.

A carrot stuck in one of his ears, a cucumber in the other ear, and a mushroom stuck in one nostril.

The man says, โ€œDoc, this is terrible. Whatโ€™s wrong with me?โ€

The doctor says, โ€œWell, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly.โ€

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Why shouldnโ€™t you tell a secret on a farm?

Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans stalk.

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Once there was a bear with no ears, guess what they call it?

A โ€œBโ€.

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