Ear Puns and Hilarious Ear Jokes
Enjoy our team's carefully selected Ear Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
This morning, my son said his ear hurt and I asked, “On the inside or outside?”
So he walks out the front door, comes back in and says, “Both.”
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How do mountains hear?
With mountaineers.
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My wife just now: “Do men’s ears actually work, or are they just for decoration?”
Me: “What?”
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A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up.
The boss says, “What happened to your ears?”
He says, “Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and shhh! I accidentally answered the iron.”
The boss says, “Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?”
He says, “Well, geez, I had to call the doctor.”
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Son: “Mom! Mom! The mean kids keep saying I have big ears!”
Mom: “Oh really? I’ll talk to them. Where are they?”
Son: “In the next town over!”
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Yo mama’s ears are so big she can hear what I’m thinking.
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Yo mama’s ears are so big she can hear sign language.
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What do you call people with big ears?
Nothing, they might hear you.
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Your ears are so big you don’t need a parachute when you go base jumping.
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Your ears are so big you use shower heads as earbuds.
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Your ears are so big you don’t need an alarm clock.
You can hear the sun come up in the morning.
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An old lady goes to the doctor, super irritated.
She unloads on the doctor, “Doctor, my friends are all being awful people! They’re all telling me I fart all the time, and it’s just plain rude of them!
“Oh really?” The doctor says.
“YEAH! They’re ALL silent so I have no idea why they’d point them out. On top of all that, for them to tell me my gas is enough to gag a maggot. How could your friends say that!!”
“I see,” the doctor says.
“YEAH!! I’ve even felt a few fly out in the office and you’ve not had a SINGLE problem in this visit.”
“Here, take these pills, they should help you out.” The doctor says.
It’s been a day now, and the doctor’s pensively reviewing some charts, when all of a sudden the old lady busts into practice, shouting at the receptionist for the doctor to see her RIGHT AWAY.
She says, “Doctor, what the hell have you done with these pills?! I’m farting ALL THE TIME now and it smells like a landfill!”
After a deep breath, the doctor says, “Now that your nose is fixed, let’s work on your gas and ears.”
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A guy walks into the doctor’s office.
A carrot stuck in one of his ears, a cucumber in the other ear, and a mushroom stuck in one nostril.
The man says, “Doc, this is terrible. What’s wrong with me?”
The doctor says, “Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly.”
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Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm?
Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans stalk.
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Once there was a bear with no ears, guess what they call it?
A “B”.
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