Enjoy our team's carefully selected Ear Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
This morning, my son said his ear hurt and I asked, โOn the inside or outside?โ
So he walks out the front door, comes back in and says, โBoth.โ
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How do mountains hear?
With mountaineers.
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My wife just now: โDo menโs ears actually work, or are they just for decoration?โ
Me: โWhat?โ
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A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up.
The boss says, โWhat happened to your ears?โ
He says, โYesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and shhh! I accidentally answered the iron.โ
The boss says, โWell, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?โ
He says, โWell, geez, I had to call the doctor.โ
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Son: โMom! Mom! The mean kids keep saying I have big ears!โ
Mom: โOh really? Iโll talk to them. Where are they?โ
Son: โIn the next town over!โ
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Yo mamaโs ears are so big she can hear what Iโm thinking.
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Yo mamaโs ears are so big she can hear sign language.
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What do you call people with big ears?
Nothing, they might hear you.
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Your ears are so big you donโt need a parachute when you go base jumping.
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Your ears are so big you use shower heads as earbuds.
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Your ears are so big you donโt need an alarm clock.
You can hear the sun come up in the morning.
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An old lady goes to the doctor, super irritated.
She unloads on the doctor, โDoctor, my friends are all being awful people! Theyโre all telling me I fart all the time, and itโs just plain rude of them!
โOh really?โ The doctor says.
โYEAH! Theyโre ALL silent so I have no idea why theyโd point them out. On top of all that, for them to tell me my gas is enough to gag a maggot. How could your friends say that!!โ
โI see,โ the doctor says.
โYEAH!! Iโve even felt a few fly out in the office and youโve not had a SINGLE problem in this visit.โ
โHere, take these pills, they should help you out.โ The doctor says.
Itโs been a day now, and the doctorโs pensively reviewing some charts, when all of a sudden the old lady busts into practice, shouting at the receptionist for the doctor to see her RIGHT AWAY.
She says, โDoctor, what the hell have you done with these pills?! Iโm farting ALL THE TIME now and it smells like a landfill!โ
After a deep breath, the doctor says, โNow that your nose is fixed, letโs work on your gas and ears.โ
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A guy walks into the doctorโs office.
A carrot stuck in one of his ears, a cucumber in the other ear, and a mushroom stuck in one nostril.
The man says, โDoc, this is terrible. Whatโs wrong with me?โ
The doctor says, โWell, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly.โ
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Why shouldnโt you tell a secret on a farm?
Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans stalk.
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Once there was a bear with no ears, guess what they call it?
A โBโ.
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