Dumb Jokes



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Dumb Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Dumb Jokes


One day, a blonde woman entered an auto body shop claiming that sheโ€™d suffered extensive damage to her new auto.

The mechanic thought heโ€™d have some fun with her, so he told her that she didnโ€™t need him to fixed all the dents. He said she could fix them herself by blowing into the tailpipe as hard as she could, and theyโ€™d all pop out.

The woman went home and proceeded to get down on her hands and knees in the driveway. She was blowing into the pipe as hard as she could and her face was turning purple when another blonde woman walked by and asked what she was doing.

After hearing the whole story, the second blonde pauses for a moment then responds, โ€œHello! The windows are down.โ€

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What do you call a dumb carnivore?

A meathead.

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Three Indian commandos were out in the Iraqi desert.

โ€œI understand that you, Indians, have brought your own indigenous survival equipment,โ€ ventured their captain.

โ€œSir, I have brought an entire barrel cactus,โ€ said the Pima guy proudly. โ€œWhen I get too hot, I just cut off the top and take a drink.โ€

The captain looked impressed.

Not to be outdone, the Pueblo guy said, โ€œSir, I have brought the sacred corn pollen. When I get too hot, I pray with it, and then it rains.โ€

The captain looked even more impressed.

Not to be outdone, the Pawnee guy said, โ€œI brought a car door off a 1959 Chevy Impala.โ€

โ€œWhy would you do that?โ€ the captain asked.

โ€œWell,โ€ said the Pawnee guy, โ€œwhen I get too hot, I just roll down the window.โ€

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Back in the Old West, there were two scoundrels known for being dumber than a box of rocksโ€”Jeff and Dave.

One day, the two were enjoying a strong sarsaparilla in the local saloon, when a man walked into the bar and said, โ€œIf any man brings me an Indianโ€™s prized horse, Iโ€™ll give him $1000.โ€

The two men looked at each other, walked out of the bar and mounted their horses.

It wasnโ€™t long before they saw a Native American, so they caught up to him and pushed him off his horse.

He fell into a ravine, but the loyal horse followed him right down there.

The two scoundrels scrambled to follow it down to the bottom to try and catch it.

Suddenly, Jeff said, โ€œDave, look at this!โ€

Dave replied, โ€œNot now! Canโ€™t you see Iโ€™m trying to catch a prized horse?!โ€

Jeff shouted again, breathlessly, โ€œI really think you should look at this.โ€

โ€œWhy donโ€™t you help me try and make $1000 instead of goofing off?!โ€

But Jeff was adamant, โ€œPlease, just take a darn look!โ€

So Dave stopped running, looked up, and saw that standing at the top of the ravine were five thousand Native Americans and their horses.

Dave shook his head and said, โ€œOh... my... God... Weโ€™re going to be millionaires!โ€

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A blondeโ€™s neighborโ€™s house was on fire, so she called 911.

The blonde told the operator, โ€œMy neighborโ€™s house is on fire!โ€

The operator asked, โ€œWhere are you?โ€

The blonde answered, โ€œAt my houseโ€.

The operator replied, โ€œNo, Iโ€™m asking how do we get there?โ€

The blonde said, โ€œIn a firetruck, duh!โ€

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โ€œ911, where is your emergency?โ€

โ€œDamn, she gave me the wrong number.โ€

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How do you drown a submarine full of blonds?

You knock on the door.

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The phone rang at my work.

My boss asked, โ€œWhy donโ€™t you answer it?โ€

I said, โ€œIโ€™ll let it ring for a while. That way theyโ€™ll think I have other stuff to do than talk on the phone.โ€

My boss shouted, โ€œANSWER IT NOW!โ€

I picked up the phone and said, โ€œ911, whatโ€™s the emergency?โ€

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One night, a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her.

โ€œMy daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures, and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish,โ€ said God.

โ€œDear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy, and I am doing what I love. I lack for nothing. I feel content in all ways,โ€ said the nun.

โ€œThere must be something you would have of me,โ€ said God.

โ€œWell, there is one thing,โ€ she said.

โ€œJust name it,โ€ said God.

โ€œItโ€™s those blond jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere, not just to me. I would like for blond jokes to stop.โ€

โ€œConsider it done,โ€ said God. โ€œBlonde jokes shall be stricken from the minds of humans everywhere. But surely there is something that I could do just for you.โ€

โ€œThere is one thing. But itโ€™s really small, and not worth your time,โ€ said the nun.

โ€œName it. Please,โ€ said God.

โ€œItโ€™s the M&Mโ€™s,โ€ said the nun. โ€œTheyโ€™re so hard to peel.โ€

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Yo mama so dumb I asked her what she does for a living, and she said breathe.

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My sister so dumb she genuinely spent lockdown studying for a COVID test.

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Yo daddy is so dumb he got hit by a parked car.

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Yo daddy is so dumb when he jumps the fence, the gate was open.

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Yo daddy is so dumb he tried to kill a bird by throwing it off a cliff.

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Yo daddy is soย dumb the computer said โ€œpress any key to continueโ€, and he was looking for the any key BUTTON.

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Yo daddy is so dumb he sold his car for gas money.

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The skeleton didnโ€™t mind that everyone called him a bonehead.

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Two guys in an insane asylum are up for parole.

The first guy goes to see the committee, and they ask him some questions.

Committee: โ€œWho discovered America?โ€

Guy 1: โ€œChristopher Columbus.โ€

Committee: โ€œHow long ago was that?โ€

Guy 1: โ€œAround three hundred years.โ€

Committee: โ€œDo aliens exist?โ€

Guy 1: โ€œItโ€™s possible, but thereโ€™s no proof.โ€

He goes back outside and says to the other insane guy, โ€œItโ€™s easy, you just answer โ€œChristopher Columbusโ€, โ€œAround three hundred yearsโ€, and โ€œItโ€™s possible, but thereโ€™s no proofโ€.

So the other guy goes in, and the questions begin.

Committee: โ€œWhatโ€™s your name?โ€

Guy 2: โ€œChristopher Columbus.โ€

Committee (incredulously): โ€œHow old are you?โ€

Guy 2 (with conviction): โ€œAround three hundred years.โ€

Committee: โ€œAre you insane?โ€

Guy 2: โ€œItโ€™s possible, but thereโ€™s no proof.โ€

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Yo mama so dumb she thought Nickelback was a refund.

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Yo mama so dumb she uses Old Spice body wash to cook.

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Yo mama so dumb she thought Call of Duty was a game about pooping.

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Yo mama so dumb when she got locked in a grocery store she starved to death.

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Yo mama so dumb her IQ is lower than Jeffy the Puppet.

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A guy is standing in the street shouting out, โ€œI am God! I am God!โ€

The police call a social worker who comes over to see if he can help.

Walking up to the guy he asks, โ€œWhat is your name?โ€

โ€œI am God,โ€ the guy replies getting agitated.

The social worker says, โ€œCalm down. Why donโ€™t we go into this coffee shop, sit down and have a talk.โ€

As soon as they enter the shop the barista looks at the guy and exclaims, โ€œOh God, not you again!?โ€

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A young idiot is told that it looks like his beard is coming in, so he goes down to the gate to wait for it to arrive.

While heโ€™s waiting a friend sees him and asks what heโ€™s doing.

โ€œIโ€™m waiting for my beard, I was told it was coming in,โ€ Says the idiot.

โ€œNo wonder people call you an idiot,โ€ says the friend. โ€œHow do you know itโ€™s not coming in from the other gate?โ€

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Three guys are in the woods: a really smart guy, an average and a really dumb guy.

They are bored so the smart guy decides to go hunting.

A little while later he comes back with a deer.

The average guy asks, โ€œHow did you do that?โ€

The really smart guy says, โ€œI see deer tracks, I follow deer tracks, I see deer and I shoot deer.โ€

The average guy says, โ€œI think I understand,โ€ and leaves.

A little bit later he comes back with a raccoon.

He really dumb goes gasp, โ€œHow did you do that!?โ€

And the average looks at him funny and says, โ€œWell I see raccoon tracks, I follow raccoon tracks, I see raccoon and I shoot raccoon.

The super dumb guy thinks for a second and says, โ€œOooohh ok, I think I can do thatโ€ฆ,โ€ and leaves.

Hours pass and the guy finally returns hurt, bloody and horribly mingled. They run to help him.

Finally one of the guys asked him what happened.

This is what he said, โ€œI see train tracks, I follow train tracks, I see train and I shoot train, but train keeps coming.

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Teacher: โ€œNow class, if you are dumb, please stand up.โ€

No one stands up.

Teacher: โ€œOh cโ€™mon. I know someone over here is dumb.โ€ Waves her finger around the left side of the room.

Little Johnny stands up.

Teacher: โ€œOh, Johnny, you think youโ€™re dumb?โ€

Little Johnny: โ€œNo, I just feel bad youโ€™re standing alone.โ€

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You so dumb you have to stop during track workouts to ask for directions.

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You so dumb you once tried to exchange a bib number because you thought the whole thing was printed upside down.

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Man: โ€œGod, why did you make woman so beautiful?โ€

God: โ€œSo you would love her?โ€

Man: โ€œBut God, why did you make her so dumb?โ€

God: โ€œSo she would love you?โ€

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Yo mama so dumb she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

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Yo mama is so dumb and hungry the only letters in the alphabet she knows are K.F.C.

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Your mama is so dumb when dad said itโ€™s chilly outside she brought a spoon and a bowl.

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Yo momma so dumb when yโ€™all were driving to Disneyland she saw a sign that said โ€œDisneyland leftโ€ so she went home.

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Yo momma is so dumb she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet!

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