Donut Puns, Funny Donuts One-Liners and Jokes About Doughnuts



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Donut Jokes


Cop Donut Jokes



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THE POLICE

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What did the cops see after they told the Pillsbury Doughboy to spread ’em?

Doughnuts!

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How do beat cops define the word β€œdoughnut”?

A local bakery owner who is absolutely crazy about money.

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Why did the cops arrest the donut baker?

He was caught pinching the salt.

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Why do cops that play basketball like donuts the most?

Because they love to dunk them.

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Why are cop donut shop jokes always so funny?

They never get mold.

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Officer: β€œDo you know why I stopped you?”

Blonde: β€œBecause I didn’t pull out of the donut shop too fast?”

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What is every policeman’s favorite charity fundraiser?

Dollars to Donuts.

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What do cops call it when they’re called out to the local donut bakery?

Bread Alert!

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Which holiday is every policeman’s favorite?

National Donut Day.

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Donut Puns



I really want to start a donut shop.

But I don’t have enough dough.

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How do you remove the inherent bureaucracy that’s plaguing the donut industry?

Cut out the middle, man.

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What did the donut say to the loaf of bread?

β€œIf I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole.”

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Does anybody go to the donut party?

I heard it was jam packed.

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What did the taco say to the depressed donut?

Taco: β€œWant to taco bout it?”

Donut: β€œI donut know what to say.”

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What does Bob Marley say to his friends when they come around for donuts and coffee?

β€œI hope you like jam in too.”

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The donut shop got robbed.

The burglars said they chose it because the shop was rolling in the dough.

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What is the best way to have a well-rounded diet?

Eat donuts.

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What did the sign on the baker’s door read when she wanted to be alone?

Donut disturb.

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Vacationers spend too much time and money at donut shops.

They’re torus traps.

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What sign was hanging outside the room where all the donut lovers were having a meeting?

It was a sign that said β€œDonut disturb!”.

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Why did the daughter start eating donuts?

Because her mother said, β€œYou better eat hole foods.”

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Which nut has the most calories for the human body?

The Donut.

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What would donuts’ favorite drink be?

The hole-y water.

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How can you justify donuts being healthy?

Because they are included in the hole food category.

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Why do people say donuts are made by God?

Because they are hole-y.

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Why do many donuts feel sad?

Because they feel really empty inside.

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What did you tell the shopkeeper at the grocery store?

Donut mind me, I am here for the hole food.

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Why are donuts good at playing golf?

They always have a hole in one!

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What did the basketball player who loved donuts say after the match?

Let’s go to Dunkin’ Donuts for the hole food protein!

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What does the gym instructor say after having loads of desserts?

β€œI donut care anymore.”

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Why do you think a donut would ever become a priest?

Because it is very hole-y.

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Why do people ignore filled donuts?

Because they are just full of themselves.

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What did the doughy wife say to the donut husband?

β€œDonut talk to me!”

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How was the donuts’ hole business?

Not at all jam-packed.

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Why do donuts make terrible teachers?

They’re always glazing over the important stuff.

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What type of window do donuts prefer in their homes?

Double glazed.

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What is the only thing that can cure a sick donut?

An antidought!

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A cream-filled donut and an eclair decided to get a divorce.

It’s a sad story, but the real victims are their children. They’re in for a grueling custardy battle.

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What’s the National Donut Day theme song?

β€œDonut Stop Believing”.

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The arrogant baker declared, β€œYou’ll never hear a complaint about my doughnuts outside this shop window.”

The customer agreed, β€œIt must be the double glazing.”

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Where’s a donut’s favorite vacation spot?

The Sahara dessert.

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Why do golfers love donuts?

Always a hole-in-one!

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What did the pastry chef say to his unsupportive father?

β€œDonut hole me back!”

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Why did the donut start going to therapy?

It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missingβ€”it never felt hole!

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What do you call a pastry that is a priest?

A Holy Donut.

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Why did Tiger Woods return the donuts?

Because there was a hole-in-one.

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What do you call a cute donut?

Adoughrable.

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Where was the first donut cooked?

In Greece.

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Why did the baker stop making donuts?

He got tired of the HOLE business.

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Why did the Croissants take the Donuts and Bagels to Disneyland?

They thought it would be fun for the hole family.

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What do you call an underwater Dunken’ Donuts?

Sunken Donuts.

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How does Bob Marley like his donuts?

Wi’ jam in.

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Why do crypto fans love donuts?

Because they’re decentralized.

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French Donuts...

...are the Beigne of my existence.

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I heard Dunkin’ Donuts has a cold brew now.

Cool beans.

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What did the donuts do on their date?

They glazed into each other’s eyes.

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How does the Krispy Creme sales rep refer to his agenda?

Doughnut Call List.

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Which kind of donuts can fly?

The plane ones.

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What’s the healthiest part of a donut?

The middle.

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Donut Jokes for Adults



What’s under the Pillsbury Doughboy’s apron?

Donuts.

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I went to Dunkin’ Donuts and ordered 4 blueberry donuts and the cashier asked if I wanna box...

I’ve been banned for life from that shop.

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What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over?

Donuts.

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A priest walked into a barber shop in Washington, D.C.

After he got his haircut, he asked how much it would be.

The barber said, β€œNo charge. I consider it a service to the Lord.”

The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 prayer books and a thank you note from the priest in front of the door.

Later that day, a police officer came in and got his hair cut. He then asked how much it was.

The barber said, β€œNo charge. I consider it a service to the community.”

The next morning, he came to work and there were a dozen donuts and a thank you note from the police officer.

Then, a Senator came in and got a haircut. When he was done he asked how much it was.

The barber said, β€œNo charge. I consider it a service to the country.”

The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 Senators in front of the door.

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What do you call a kilogram of donuts?

Property of obesity.

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Cop Cuisine Point to Ponder:

Do cops like doughnuts better when they’re spelled Do-Nuts?

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What do prisoners in Denver County lockup eat for breakfast?

Jail-y Donuts.

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A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car.

After looking the man over he says, β€œSir, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?”

The man gets really annoyed and says, β€œOfficer, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?”

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If Johnny buys seventeen donuts every Monday and eats twelve of them each Wednesday, what is Johnny left with at the end of the year?

Diabetes.

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Donut Jokes One-Liners



The center of a donut is 100% fat-free.

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Please, donut break my heart.

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Donut judge me for being a dessert lover!

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Donut underestimate the power of baked goods.

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Hole me closer, tiny donut.

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Do or donut, there is no try.

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Let’s go to Dunkin!

We need more hole foods!

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You donut know how much I love you!

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I allow myself only one donut per year.

This morning I had 433 B.C., 1731, and 1952.

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You need to understand the difference between want and need.

Like I want abs, but I need donuts.

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The optimist sees the donut whole.

The pessimist sees the donut hole.

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Never insult a donut.

Some of them have fillings.

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A person at the store asked me if doughnuts are healthy.

I don’t know, but I never met a sick one in my entire life.

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I choked on a carrot this afternoon and all I could think was, β€œI bet a donut wouldn’t have done this to me.”

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I just heard that the Dunkin’ Donuts in my area will initiate with a surcharge for coming in without wearing a mask.

They’re going to call it a cough fee.

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The other day I saw an event a local church was having at a dispensary where they were giving away donuts and spreading the Word of God.

They called it Glaze It, Blaze It, and Praise It.

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I found a store that only sells bagels and donuts.

It’s called β€œHole Foods”.

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Yo Mama so stupid she returned a donut because it had a hole in it.

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Donut Jokes for Birthday



Knock! Knock!

β€œWho is there?”

β€œJustin.”

β€œJustin, who?”

β€œJust in time to eat all the birthday donuts.”

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It’s your birthday; let’s donuts!

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Donut worry. Be happy!

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Warning!

Birthday donuts will make your clothes shrink!

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Why do golfers prefer a birthday donut over a birthday cake?

Because there is a hole in one.

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Dumb Donut Jokes



What did the blonde say when she looked into the box of Cheerios?

β€œWow! Donut seeds!”

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A donut walks into a church, approaches the priest and explains, β€œExcuse me, Father, I don’t mean to trouble you, but I’m very interested in joining the clergy. I was hoping that you could give me some pointers.”

The priest, after taking a moment to accept the fact that he’s speaking with a pastry, offers a warm smile in response.

β€œThat is truly a noble calling,” he says. β€œMost frequently, individuals who wish to become priests begin by growing active in their parish, then entering a seminary. While in attendance there, would-be clergy members work to excel in every regard, reaffirming their beliefs and devoting themselves to the path of righteousness. When the time comes, a given initiate will be ordained as a deacon, which will allow them passage to the priesthood.”

β€œThat sounds like a very involved process,” the donut confesses. β€œI’m not sure I have the time.”

β€œIf you don’t mind me asking...” replies the priest. β€œWhat made you think you wanted to join the clergy if you’re not willing to commit to the process? Why do you want to be a priest at all?”

β€œWell...” the donut answers. β€œSee, it’s because I’m holey.”

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What did the sad man say to the man at the dessert counter?

Donut kill my vibe!

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Donut Jokes for Kids



What kind of nut doesn’t have a shell?

A donut.

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What would you call a cute and sassy donut?

Glazing adoughrable.

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Why did the boy stop eating donuts?

Because he got bored with the hole thing.

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What’s a donut’s favorite lullaby?

β€œSprinkle, Sprinkle Little Star”.

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What do you get when you cross Frosty with a baker?

Frosty the Dough-Man!

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Which nut has a hole in it?

A donut.

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œDoughnut.”

β€œDoughnut, who?”

β€œDoughnut forget to do your homework or you will have to go to summer school!”

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œDoughnut.”

β€œDoughnut, who?”

β€œDoughnut forget to close the door!”

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What are strange donuts made out of?

Weird-doughs.

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Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his donut?

He was stuffed!

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œDonut.”

β€œDonut, who?”

β€œDonut ask, it’s a secret!”

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How did the strawberry donut feel after dinner?

Jam-packed!

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What’s a donut’s favorite day of the week?

Fry-day.

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Why did the donut go to the dentist?

To get a filling.

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My dad and I were having donuts for lunch.

He said, β€œEnjoy the HOLE donut!”

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Is it proper to eat donuts with your fingers?

No, fingers should be eaten separately!

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What’s the best thing to put in a donut?

Your teeth.

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