Divorce Jokes



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Divorce Jokes


Judge: โ€œOn what grounds do you want a divorce?โ€

Husband: โ€œMy wife is out all night, every night! From bar to bar, almost visits all the bars and pubs in town every day!โ€

Judge: โ€œYou mean to say sheโ€™s severely alcoholic and cheats on you every day?โ€

Husband: โ€œNo, sheโ€™s out looking for me!โ€

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When my ex-wife and I divorced, I handed her a letter saying, โ€œGood job. Well done.โ€

I wanted things to end on a positive note.

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โ€œMr. Jones, Iโ€™ve reviewed this case very carefully,โ€ said the divorce court judge, โ€œand Iโ€™ve decided to give your wife $300 a week.โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s very fair, your honor,โ€ said the husband. โ€œIโ€™ll try and send her a few bucks myself every now and then too.โ€

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What is a recently divorced womanโ€™s favorite fruit?

Mango.

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A cream-filled donut and an eclair decided to get a divorce.

Itโ€™s a sad story, but the real victims are their children. Theyโ€™re in for a grueling custardy battle.

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A local lawyer was sitting in his office the other morning when in walked a beautiful young lady.

Without any preliminaries, she said she wanted a divorce.

โ€œOn what grounds?โ€ asked the lawyer.

โ€œI donโ€™t think he is faithful to me,โ€ she replied.

โ€œAnd what makes you think he isnโ€™t faithful?โ€ asked the lawyer.

โ€œWell,โ€ replied the young lady, โ€œI donโ€™t think he is the father of my child.โ€

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An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, โ€œI hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.โ€

โ€œPop, what are you talking about?!โ€ the son screams.

โ€œWe canโ€™t stand the sight of each other any longer,โ€ the old man says.

โ€œWeโ€™re sick and tired of each other, and Iโ€™m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her.โ€ And he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.

โ€œLike Heck, theyโ€™re getting a divorce,โ€ she shouts. โ€œIโ€™ll take care of this.โ€

She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, โ€œYou are NOT getting divorced! Donโ€™t do a single thing until I get there. Iโ€™m calling my brother back and weโ€™ll both be there tomorrow. Until then donโ€™t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?!โ€ And she hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone, smiles, and turns to his wife.

โ€œTheyโ€™re coming for Easter and paying their own way.โ€

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