Diet Jokes

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Diet Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

Diet Jokes

Two blondes decided to split a can of Diet Coke. One blonde opened the can and poured half the contents into her own glass, and half into her friendโ€™s glass.

Before tossing the can, she stopped to read the nutritional information on the side.

โ€œOnly one calorie per can,โ€ she read aloud.

โ€œHmm,โ€ murmured the other blonde. โ€œI wonder which glass has the calorie?โ€

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What do you call someone who canโ€™t stick with a diet?

A desserter.

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You canโ€™t lose weight by talking about it.

You need to keep your mouth shut.

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Why shouldnโ€™t you worry about gaining a few extra pounds?

Fat people are harder to kidnap.

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My girlfriend asked me if hot dogs were good for her diet.

I replied, โ€œTheyโ€™re not the wurst.โ€

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When Thompson hit seventy, he decided to change his lifestyle completely so that he could live longer.

He went on a strict diet, he jogged, he swam, and he took sunbaths.

In just three months, Thompson lost thirty pounds, reduced his waist by six inches, and expanded his chest by five inches.

Svelte and tan, he decided to top it all off with a sporty new haircut. Afterward, while stepping out of the barbershop, he was hit by a bus.

As he lay dying, he cried out, โ€œGod, how could you do this to me?โ€

And a voice from the heavens responded, โ€œTo tell you the truth, Thompson, I didnโ€™t recognize you.โ€

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What is the best way to have a well-rounded diet?

Eat donuts.

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Diet day 1:

I removed all the fattening food from my house.

It was delicious.

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Where should a 500-pound alien go?

On a diet.

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