Did You Hear Jokes
Enjoy our team's carefully selected Did You Hear Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
Did you hear that the FBI recently put data scientists on their watch list?
They are definitely plotting something.
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Did you hear about the influencer who became a suicide bomber?
At first he had barely any followers, but then he blew up.
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Did you hear about the investment banker who became a horse breeder?
He was always looking for the most stable returns.
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Did you hear about the Wall Street investment banker who won $10 million in the lottery?
He’s so happy that he’s giving some serious thought to paying back his student loan.
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Did you hear about the evangelical atheist?
She went door to door with a book full of blank pages.
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Did you hear about the $4,000,000 Alabama State Lottery?
The winner gets $4 a year for a million years.
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Did you hear about the karate master who joined the military?
He saluted and nearly chopped off his own head.
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Did you hear about the mermaid who decided to join human society?
Despite her efforts, others still viewed her as a fish out of water.
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Did you hear about the big Lego sale?
People were lined up for blocks.
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Did you hear the one about the blonde fox that got stuck in a trap?
She chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
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Did you hear about the clown car that crashed in the middle of nowhere?
There were 30 casualties.
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Did you hear about the bingo caller who had a tumor?
Luckily, the tumor was B-9.
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Did you hear about the baker who robbed a bank?
He came in with buns glazing.
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Did you hear about the person who watched too many Shrek movies?
He ogre-dosed.
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Did you hear about the bread factory burning down?
They say the business is toast.
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Did you hear about the Mexican that got shot at the golf course?
It was a hole in Juan.
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Did you hear about the aristocratic horse?
He was the last of his race!
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Did you hear the one about the professional hockey player who quit his job to become an accountant?
He wanted an off-ice job.
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Did you hear about the aspiring YouTube star that died from the flu?
He finally went viral.
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Did you hear about the watermelon who starred in a telanovella?
It was melondramatic.
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Did you hear about the carpenter on a carrot farm who ran out of wood, so he had to start using carrots to make tables?
It turns out he wasn’t just good with wood, he was also good with Vege Tables.
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Did you hear about Bruce Lee’s vegetarian brother?
His name was Brocco Lee.
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Did you hear about the ketchup thief?
He was caught red-handed.
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Did you hear about the lazy flower who finally got his act together?
He just needed a kick in the bud.
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Did you hear about the physicist who was reading a great book on anti-gravity?
He couldn’t put it down.
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Did you hear about the pharmacist who got hit with a bottle of omega-3?
They are okay, the injuries were superfishoil.
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Did you hear about the hot dog stand on the moon?
The hot dogs were out of this world, but there was absolutely no atmosphere.
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Did you hear that Spider-Man is in trouble with the law?
They caught him on the web looking for Mary-Jane.
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Did you hear about the happy asteroid?
It was over the moon!
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Did you hear they found a pushpin on the largest moon of Saturn?
That’s right.
A tac on Titan.
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Did you hear about the alien who flew a spaceship from Neptune to Uranus in just 3 minutes and 21 seconds?
He’s listed in the Guinness Book Of Out-Of-This-World Records.
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Did you hear about the magician that had chocolate in his shirt?
He had some Twix up his sleeve.
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Did you hear about the snowman who got angry when the sun came out?
He had a total meltdown.
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Did you hear about the private who could shit ice cream?
He deserted his post.
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Did you hear about the mushroom hunter who was terrible at finding edible mushrooms, so would resort to stealing them from the baskets of other hunters?
He had no morel compass.
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Did you hear what happened at the racetrack yesterday?
One horse was so slow, they had to pay the jockey overtime.
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I said to my wife, “Did you hear my last pun?”
She replied, “I hope so!”
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Did you hear about the Jewish Santa Claus?
He comes down the chimney, wakes up the children and says, “Hey kids, do you want to buy some toys?”
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Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?
It had great food, but no atmosphere.
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