Did You Hear About Jokes



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Did You Hear About Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Did You Hear About Jokes


Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?

Unfortunately, he was pressed into service.

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Did you hear about the Spanish woman who is now a man?

He’s called Senor Rita.

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Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into his lens grinder?

He made a spectacle of himself.

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Did you hear about the two turkeys who got into a fight?

They beat the stuffing outta each other.

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Did you hear about the Thanksgiving turkey that tried to escape the roasting pan?

He was foiled.

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Did you hear that I won the Thanksgiving turkey cookoff?

You butterball-ieve it.

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Did you hear about the guy who checks into rehab the day after Thanksgiving?

He couldn’t quit cold turkey.

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Did you hear about the plane prank?

The twin towers fell for it.

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Did you hear about the guy that washed his shorts with change in it?

He was arrested for money laundrying.

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Did you hear about the drunk who thought Alcoholics Anonymous meant drinking under an assumed name?

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Did you hear about the man who solved a puzzle in 10 minutes?

Even though the box said 2-4 years.

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Did you hear about the world crossword puzzle champion who died?

He was buried six feet down and three feet across.

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Did you hear about the pig who got sick after catching a flight?

Swine flu.

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Did you hear about the submarine industry?

It really took a dive...

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Did you hear about the color bomb?

Yeah, it blue up.

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Did you hear about the blue plane that crashed?

They said it was a skyblunder.

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Did you hear about the sky that fell?

It turned the whole world blue.

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Did you hear about the blue pencil who broke up with his girlfriend?

He decided to draw the line.

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Did you hear about the sad blueberry?

It was feeling blue.

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Did you hear about the blue alien that landed on Earth?

He had an out of this world.

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Did you hear about the blue man who walked into a bar?

He was feeling quite cyan.

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Did you hear about the comedy show on Uranus?

It was a real gas, but not everyone understood the humor.

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Did you hear about the astronomy professor who was always talking about Uranus?

He was kind of a space case.

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Did you hear about the planet Uranus?

It’s quite gas-sy.

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Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath?

She still hasn’t gotten all the hair off her tongue.

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Did you hear about the red panda’s art exhibition?

It was panda-monium!

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You hear about the werewolf who majored in philosophy?

Now he’s a whywolf.

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Did you hear about the physical therapist who asked his date to meet him at the gym?

She didn’t show up, and that’s when he knew they weren’t gonna work out.

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Did you hear about the flat Earther who got so mad he stormed off saying he would walk to the edge of the earth to prove all wrong?

He’ll come around eventually.

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Did you hear about the guy who’s surrounded by positive people at his workplace?

Yeah, he really hates his work at the infection clinic.

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Did you hear about the worst faith healer ever?

He was so bad, a man in a wheelchair got up and walked out.

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Did you hear about the fan who just bought Taylor Swift’s hair comb in an online auction?

It’s his closest brush with fame.

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Did you hear about the comedian who calls himself The Sofa King?

He’s sofa king funny.

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Did you hear about that cannibal who was arrested for making a pot roast outta their great-grandmother?

It was an old family recipe.

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Did you hear about the depressed plumber?

He’s going through a lot of crap right now.

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Did you hear about the Pinterest user who tried to cook a recipe they found on the site?

Let’s just say they added a new pin to their recipe board β€œOrder Takeout!”.

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Did you hear about the woman who tried to bribe the police with pennies?

She was taken in by the coppers.

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Did you hear about the paint catapult that won the competition?

It won with flying colors.

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Did you hear about the hippy scientist?

He only did organic chemistry.

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Did you hear about the boy who always carries a stone with him that he used to throw at people who play Christmas music in October?

He calls it his Jingle Bell Rock.

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Did you hear about the Mormon cat with a speech impediment?

He had nine wives.

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Did you hear about the new strategy where companies collaborate with ill celebrities?

It’s called influenza marketing.

It’s really going viral.

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Did you hear about McDonald’s trying to get into the high-end steakhouse market?

It was a Big Mcsteak.

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Did you hear about the flat Earth conspiracy?

It’s spreading around the globe.

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Did you hear about the scientist who recently said that the β€œperfect earthquake” was going to strike your city soon?

The evidence to support his claim was shaky at best.

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Did you hear about the influencer who became a suicide bomber?

At first he had barely any followers, but then he blew up.

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Did you hear about the investment banker who became a horse breeder?

He was always looking for the most stable returns.

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Did you hear about the Wall Street investment banker who won $10 million in the lottery?

He’s so happy that he’s giving some serious thought to paying back his student loan.

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Did you hear about the evangelical atheist?

She went door to door with a book full of blank pages.

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Did you hear about the $4,000,000 Alabama State Lottery?

The winner gets $4 a year for a million years.

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Did you hear about the joke that Joe Montana told his receivers?

It went over their heads.

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Did you hear about the karate master who joined the military?

He saluted and nearly chopped off his own head.

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Did you hear about the mermaid who decided to join human society?

Despite her efforts, others still viewed her as a fish out of water.

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Did you hear about the half of a mermaid that washed up on shore?

It’s only a tale.

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Did you hear about the big Lego sale?

People were lined up for blocks.

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Did you hear about the clown car that crashed in the middle of nowhere?

There were 30 casualties.

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Did you hear about the bingo caller who had a tumor?

Luckily, the tumor was B-9.

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Did you hear about the baker who robbed a bank?

He came in with buns glazing.

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Did you hear about the person who watched too many Shrek movies?

He ogre-dosed.

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Did you hear about the bread factory burning down?

They say the business is toast.

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Did you hear about the Mexican that got shot at the golf course?

It was a hole in Juan.

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Did you hear about the aspiring YouTube star that died from the flu?

He finally went viral.

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Did you hear about the bird flu?

I mean, I don’t know why it’s such a big deal. They tend to do that quite often.

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Did you hear about the watermelon who starred in a telanovella?

It was melondramatic.

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Did you hear about the carpenter on a carrot farm who ran out of wood, so he had to start using carrots to make tables?

It turns out he wasn’t just good with wood, he was also good with vege tables.

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Did you hear about Bruce Lee’s vegetarian brother?

His name was Brocco Lee.

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Did you hear about the ketchup thief?

He was caught red-handed.

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Did you hear about the lazy flower who finally got his act together?

He just needed a kick in the bud.

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Did you hear about the physicist who was reading a great book on anti-gravity?

He couldn’t put it down.

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Did you hear about the pharmacist who got hit with a bottle of omega-3?

They are okay, the injuries were superfishoil.

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Did you hear about the hot dog stand on the moon?

The hot dogs were out of this world, but there was absolutely no atmosphere.

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Did you hear about the happy asteroid?

It was over the moon!

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Did you hear about the alien who flew a spaceship from Neptune to Uranus in just 3 minutes and 21 seconds?

He’s listed in the Guinness Book Of Out-Of-This-World Records.

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Did you hear about the magician who had chocolate in his shirt?

He had some Twix up his sleeve.

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Did you hear about the snowman who got angry when the sun came out?

He had a total meltdown.

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Did you hear about the mushroom hunter who was terrible at finding edible mushrooms, so would resort to stealing them from the baskets of other hunters?

He had no morel compass.

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Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma?

There’s no menuβ€”you get what you deserve.

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Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?

It had great food, but no atmosphere.

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