Enjoy our team's carefully selected Deaf Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
If a deaf person goes to court...
Is it still called a hearing?
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My ex-wife cheated on me with her deaf best friend.
Honestly, I should have seen the signs.
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A scientist is doing experiments on an ant.
He puts the ant on the table and says, “Walk, ant, walk!”
The ant walks to the other side of the table.
The man writes in his notepad: The ant with 6 legs walks.
He then, proceeds to take one leg off the insect, and repeats the same process.
“Walk, ant, walk!”
The ant walks slower, but reaches the other side of the table.
The scientist writes in his notepad: The ant with 5 legs walks.
After repeating the process 4 more times, he takes off the final leg, put it on the table and says, “Walk, ant, walk!”
The ant doesn’t move, so he tries again, “Walk, ant, walk!”
Again, the ant doesn’t move, so he writes in his notepad: The ant with 0 legs becomes deaf.
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A man is convinced is wife is going deaf, but she won’t admit it. So he decides to test his theory once and for all.
While she’s standing at the sink, he stands about six steps behind her and says, “What’s for dinner, dear?”
When there’s no answer, he steps a few steps closer and repeats the question.
Again there’s no response, so he moves right to his wife’s shoulder and asks, “What’s for dinner, dear?”
At this, his wife turns around angrily and says, “For the third time, sausages!”
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A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse.
The horse’s trainer meets him before the race and says, “All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, “ALLLLEEE OOOP!” really loudly in the horse’s ear. Providing you do that, you’ll be fine.”
The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command.
The race begins and they approach the first hurdle.
The jockey ignores the trainer’s ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.
They carry on and approach the second hurdle.
The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers “Aleeee ooop” in the horse’s ear.
The same thing happens: the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.
At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, “It’s no good, I’ll have to do it.” And yells, “ALLLEEE OOOP!” really loudly.
Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems.
This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.
The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong.
The jockey replies, “Nothing is wrong with me. It’s this bloody horse. What is he—deaf or something?”
The trainer replies, “Deaf?? DEAF?? He’s not deaf—he’s blind!!!”
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A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, doctor! I think I'm going deaf.”
And the doctor says, “Can you describe the symptoms.”
And he says, “Yes, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair.”
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