Enjoy our team's carefully selected Cycling Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
I avoid bike trails after dark.
They are full of cycle paths.
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I banged my bike against the wall today.
It was wheelie unfortunate.
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If you ride your bike twice a day, is that recycling?
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I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it.
I was about to put a third set on it, but the old bike didn’t work anymore, which is understandable.
The bike was already retired.
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I was riding my bike through the countryside when I was attacked by a herd of sheep!
Fortunately, I was only grazed.
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While I was riding my bike, there was a big tropical storm.
I decided to cyclone.
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What did the mom cheese tell the little boy cheese when he got hurt on his bike?
“Gotta take the gouda with the bad.”
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Chuck Norris won the Tour de France on a stationary bike.
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Chuck Norris gets 4-wheel drive out of his bicycle.
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What’s the hardest thing about learning to ride a bike?
The pavement.
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Me and my friend were riding on my motorcycle on a particularly windy day when we saw a cyclist in front of us, pedaling in the middle of the road, with a car honking furiously behind him.
So we drove over and asked the guy, “Why don’t you move to the side and let the car overtake you?”
The guy replied, “I am trying!”
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A boy was riding his bicycle, and he sees his mom on the porch.
He releases the handle and yells to his mom, “Look mom, no hands!”
His mom replies, “Be careful, honey.”
Then he releases his legs from the pedals and says, “Look mom, no legs!”
His mom replies more sternly, “Be careful, honey.”
The little boy then abruptly falls, to the dismay of his mom.
The boy slowly gets back up and says, “Look mom, no teeth!”
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Why can’t an elephant ride a bicycle?
Because he doesn’t have a thumb to ring the bell.
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How did the barber win the bike race?
He took a short cut.
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What did the little boy take his bicycle to bed with him?
Because he didn’t want to walk in his sleep.
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An 80-year-old man went to the doctor for a general check-up.
The doctor was surprised to see his happy demeanor.
Doctor: “What is the secret of your good health?”
Old man: “I get up before the sun rises and go out for cycling. And then come back and drink two glasses of wine!
Maybe this is the secret of my health.”
Doctor: “Okay, but can I ask you how old was your father when he died?”
Old man: “My father died! Who told you that he died?!”
Doctor (surprised): “You mean that you are 80 years old, and your father is still alive? So how old is he now?”
Old man: “He is 102 years old and cycled with me this morning and then took two glasses of wine.”
Doctor: “This is very good. This means that the long life is in your family’s genes. So, how old was your grandfather when he died?”
Old man: “My grandfather died! Who told you that he died?!”
Doctor (puzzled): “You mean that you are 80 years old, and your grandfather is still alive very much! What is his age?”
Old man: “Yes, he is 123 years old.”
Doctor: “I think he too must have cycled with you this morning and taken wine too?”
Old man: “No, Grandpa could not go this morning, because he is getting married today.”
Doctor (on the verge of going mad): “Why would he want to get married at the age of 123?”
Old man: “Who said he wanted to get married? He had to be forced.”
Doctor (shouted): “But why?!”
Old man: “The Girl is pregnant, that’s why.”
The doctor has been cycling regularly and drinking wine ever since. The clinic is closed.
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I’ve given up cycling at the local velodrome.
It’s getting me nowhere.
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I’ve been cycling to work for a whole month now...
You would have thought I would be there by now.
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I was cycling to work when a snow plow suddenly overtook me at high speed, spreading salt which hit my face.
“BASTARD!” I shouted, through gritted teeth.
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If you want to know why the Brits are so good at cycling, then just take a look at the cost of public transport.
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My granny started cycling at 97 years old. She has been doing ten miles per day.
And now we don’t know where the heck she is!
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What do you call someone who’s really into stationary biking?
A cyclepath.
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A guy sees his mother-in-law riding a bicycle.
“Where are you going?” he asks.
“To the cemetery,” she replies.
Guy: “And who is going to return the bike?”
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Two young boys walked into a pharmacy, picked out a box of feminine product, and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, “Son, how old are you?”
“Eight,” the boy replied.
The man continued, “Do you know what these are used for?”
The boy replied, “Not exactly, but they aren’t for me. They’re for him. He’s my brother. He’s four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you will be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can’t do either.”
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