Crocodile Jokes

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Crocodile Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

Crocodile Jokes

What do you call a Muslim crocodile?

An Allahgator.

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In Darwin, Australia, a multi-millionaire wanted to throw a party and invited all of his friends and neighbors. He also invited Brian, the sole aboriginal in the area.

He threw the party in his mansion’s garden, around the pool. Everyone was having a terrific time drinking, dancing, eating grilled prawns and oysters, and flirting.

The millionaire then announced, β€œI have a 15-foot man-eating crocodile in my pool, and I’ll give a million dollars to anyone who joins him in the pool.”

The words had only left his mouth when there was a huge splash.

Everyone turned around to see Brian fighting the crocodile in the water, jabbing it in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, headbutting it, choking it, biting its tail, and tossing it into the air like some kind of martial arts expert.

The water was swirling and splashing all over the place. Brian and the crocodile were both shouting and yelling.

Brian finally strangled the crocodile and let it float to the top of the pool like a dead goldfish after what seemed like an eternity.

Brian stepped out of the pool, weary, with everyone looking at him in surprise.

β€œWell, Brian, I think I owe you a million dollars then,” the millionaire responded.

β€œNo way, boss, I don’t want it,” Brian replied.

So the millionaire says, β€œMan, I have to offer you something. You won the wager. How about a million dollars?”

β€œNo, thanks, I don’t want it,” Brian said emphatically.

The millionaire again says, β€œCome on, I have to give you something. That was incredible. What about a brand-new Porsche, a Rolex, and some stock options?”

Again, Brian said, β€œNo.”

β€œWell, Brian, then what do you want?” the rich man inquired, perplexed.

β€œI want the bastard who pushed me in,” said Brian.

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A king had ten wild dogs. He used them to torture and kill any minister that misguided him.

A minister once gave an opinion which was wrong and which the king didn’t like at all. So he ordered that the minister to be thrown to the dogs.

The minister said, β€œI served you loyally ten years, and you do this?”

The king was unrelenting.

Minister pleaded, β€œPlease give me ten days before you throw me to the dogs.”

The king agreed.

In those ten days the minister went to the keeper of the dogs and told him he wanted to serve the dogs for the next ten days. The guard was baffled, but he agreed.

So when the ten days were up, the king ordered that the minister be thrown to the dogs as sentenced.

When he was thrown in, everyone was amazed at what they saw. The dogs were wagging their tails playing with the condemned minister and licking his feet.

The king was baffled at what he saw.

β€œWhat happened to the dogs?!” He growled.

The minister then said, β€œI served the dogs for only ten days, and they didn’t forget my service. Yet I served you for ten years, and you forgot all at the first mistake.”

The king realised his mistake and...

Replaced the dogs with crocodiles.

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Crocodiles can grow up to 20 feet.

But most have just four.

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A man was pouring colored water every day on the streets of his town.

One day his neigbhour called the police, because he was pouring suspicious liquids on the streets.

When the police came they asked the man, β€œWhat are you pouring on the streets?”

The guy said, β€œI was pouring anti crocodile liquids.”

The officer said, β€œBut there are no crocodiles in this town!”

The guy said, β€œYou are welcome!”

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The Egyptians claim there are no crocodiles in their country.

I think they are in de Nile.

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A man walked into a Florida bar with his crocodile and asked the bartender, β€œDo you serve lawyers here?”

Bartender: β€œSure.”

Man: β€œGood. One beer for me and a lawyer for my crocodile.”

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Why don’t crocodiles like fast food?

Because they can’t catch it.

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What time is it when you see a crocodile?

Time to run.

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How do you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

You will see one later and one in a while.

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