Coffee Puns and Hilarious Coffee Jokes

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Coffee Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

Coffee Jokes

A guy walks into a cafΓ© and orders a coffee to go.

The coffee gets up and leaves.

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When I went to my favorite Irish cafΓ© after years...

I felt deja brew all over again.

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Why did the hip bone go to theΒ coffeeΒ shop?

Because it needed a little perk-me-up after surgery.

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Where do birds meet for coffee?

In a Nest-cafe.

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Where did the mummy drink his espresso?

In his Sar-coffee-gus.

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Do you know that America has more museums than Starbucks and McDonald’s combined?

Starbucks and McDonald’s have a combined total of 0 museums.

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A man ends up in a 30-year coma.

After waking up, he receives a phone call from his bank telling him, β€œDear Mr. Johnson, we are sorry to say that due to recent economic events, the total value of your investment portfolio is $950 billion.”

The man, thrilled to hear that, goes to the hospital bar to get a coffee as soon as he can.

When he comes to the bar, he says β€œI’d like a coffee, please.”

The cashier tells him β€œThat’ll be $30 billion.”.

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My teeth were stained, so the dentist asked me, β€œDo you smoke or drink coffee?”

I told him I drink it.

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In a house full of caffeine addicts, they found their coffee maker broken this morning.

And now there’s trouble brewing.

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A woman was leaving a cafetaria with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A long black hearse followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind.

Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash.

Behind her were 200 women walking single file.

The woman couldn’t stand the curiosity.

She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, β€œI am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I’ve never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?”

The woman replied, β€œWell, that first hearse is for my husband.”

β€œWhat happened to him?”

The woman replied, β€œMy dog attacked him to death.”

She inquired further, β€œWell, who is in the second hearse?”

The woman answered, β€œMy mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her.”

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two women.

β€œCan I borrow the dog?”

β€œGet in line!”

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The sun and moon walked into a coffee shop.

Sun: β€œOh man, I forgot my wallet!”

Moon: β€œDon’t worry, I’ll cover you.”

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I wonder if the moon prefers coffee or gravi-tea?

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Guess what coffee and motivational coaches have in common?

They encourage people to espresso themselves!

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The boss always insisted that only Abdul should serve his coffee, but yesterday, this conversation happened.

Boss: β€œAbdul, since the last 8 years you have brought me coffee filled to the brim without spilling even a drop. How do you manage that over these stairs?”

Abdul: β€œSir, just before I climb up the stairs, I take a big sip. As I get upstairs, I put it back.”

Today is Abdul’s farewell party.

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I was on the phone with my wife and said, β€œI’m almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on.”

After a twenty-second pause, I asked, β€œYou still there sweetheart?”

She replied, β€œYeah... but I don’t think the coffee maker wants to talk right now.”

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I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to fart.

The place was packed, but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts to the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs I started to feel much better.

I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.

I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod (with earpiece).

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Good morning, sweetie!

When I get up, my initial idea is of just how you feel, after that, I obtain you a cup of coffee, placed it down, as well as back away, gradually...

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What happened to the guy who accidentally made his morning coffee with some Red Bull instead of water?

He got halfway to his work before realizing he had forgotten his car.

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