Civil Engineering Jokes

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Civil Engineering Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

Civil Engineering Jokes

What did a dam say to the river?

β€œWater you thinking?”

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What did a brick say to a wall?

β€œI’ve got your back!”

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Concrete and steel had a debate.

It was a hard conversation.

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So, it’s about 1961, and I am ever so proudly part of a land survey crew working in a local neighborhood.

A young boy comes out from his house and states, β€œMy mom wants to know what you are doing here!”

I state, β€œWell, we’re surveyors!”

And as the crew continues down the street, I hear his mom ask, β€œWell, what are they doing, Tommy?”

To which Tommy responds, β€œDon’t worry, mom, they are survivors!”

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Some wise guys show a civil engineer an 8 ounce glass with 4 ounces of water in it.

They ask him the age old question, β€œIs the glass half empty or half full?”

The civil engineer responds, β€œThe glass is twice as big as it needs to be.”

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A female civil engineer is doing a field survey and finds a talking frog.

β€œKiss me and I’ll turn into a prince and marry you,” it says.

The engineer excitedly picks up the frog and continues with her job. And she doesn’t kiss it.

Finally the frog asks, β€œAren’t you going to kiss me?”

She says, β€œWhat? No. I don’t have time to be with a prince. But a talking frogβ€”that’s a keeper!”

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What do you call the child of a civil engineer?

A truss fund baby.

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You might be a civil engineer if you think that when people around you yawn, it’s because they did not get enough sleep.

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What’s the difference between a doctor and a civil engineer?

A doctor kills people one at a time.

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What’s the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.

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Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.

One said, β€œIt was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.”

Another said, β€œNo, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.”

The last said, β€œActually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”

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