Jokes on Chemistry

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Chemistry Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

Chemistry Jokes

Little Johnny’s chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.

β€œNow, class. Observe what happens to the two worms,” said the professor, putting the first worm in the glass of water.

The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed.

He then dropped the second worm in the whiskey glass. It writhed for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died.

β€œNow kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?” he asked.

Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, β€œDrink whiskey and you won’t get worms!”

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In my contacts, I should rename my crush to potassium.

Because she is always responding with β€œK”.

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The optimist sees the glass half full.

The pessimist sees the glass half empty.

The chemist sees the glass completely fullβ€”half with liquid and half with air.

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A physicist, a biologist, and a chemist take a vacation to the ocean.

The physicist was fascinated by the waves, so he walked into the oceanΒ to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves. Obviously, he was drowned and never returned.

The biologist wanted to research the amazing flora and fauna of the ocean, so he walked into the water as well.Β He, too, never returned.

The chemist thought for a while, then noted in his lab notebook:

The physicist and the biologist are soluble in ocean water.

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Why are chemists great for solving problems?

They have all the solutions.

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I started dating this girl in high school just because we had the same class schedule.

What can I say? We had Chemistry together.

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I stopped drinking water while studying chemistry.

My notes say adding water decreases concentration.

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For an experiment, a chemistry teacher takes out a $20 bill and put it in a bottle of ethanol. He then asks his students if it will dissolve.

A student raise his hand to answer.

Student: β€œNo, it won’t dissolve, sir.”

Teacher: β€œReally good! Now, can you explain to the rest of the class why?”

Student: β€œYou’re so cheap, there’s no way you would’ve sacrificed that $20.”

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It turns out my high school chemistry teacher was right.

Alcohol is a solution.

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Henning Brand discovered phosphorous by boiling urine.

That’s why they call it P.

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Somewhere, in the universe, there is a world with no war, no hate, no hunger and no poverty.

And also no oxygen.

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If trees produced Wi-Fi, we would be planting them everywhere.

Too bad they only produce oxygen.

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You enter the laboratory and see an experiment.

How will you know which class is it?

If it’s green and wiggles, it’s biology.

If it stinks, it’s chemistry.

If it doesn’t work, it’s physics.

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What do alcoholics and chemists have in common?

They both view alcohol as a solution.

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One day an Irishman called Seamus went into a pharmacy in Clonmel. He reached into his jacket pocket and took out a bottle of Irish whiskey and a teaspoon.

Seamus proceeded to pour some of the amber liquid into the teaspoon and offered it to the chemist.

β€œCould you taste this for me, please?” asked Seamus.

The chemist took the teaspoon, put it into his mouth, swilled the liquid around, and swallowed it.

β€œDoes that taste sweet to you?” says Seamus.

β€œNo, not at all,” says the pharmacist.

β€œOh that’s a relief,” says Seamus. β€œDoctor Flannigan told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar.”

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Chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, β€œDo you have any acetylsalicylic acid?”

β€œYou mean aspirin?” asked the pharmacist.

β€œThat’s it! I can never remember that word.”

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Love is a very complex matter of chemistry. And that is why my partner treats me like toxic waste!

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