Chemist Jokes



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Chemist Jokes


Why was SpongeBob fired from his job as a chemist?

His absorbance had no correlation to his concentration.

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What do waitresses and chemists have in common?

They both need to check the table periodically.

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A world-renowned chemist has passed away.

His will specifies that all of his favorite elements from the periodic table be put in his body.

β€œAre we really going to put a bunch of elements in his casket?” they ask his wife.

To which she replies, β€œNo, just Barium.”

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How does a physical chemist wash their glassware?

They get an organic chemist to do it.

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Things I learned in organic chemistry:

How to draw hexagons.

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Why did the chemistry teacher who specializes in organic chemistry lead a troublesome life?

Because he often finds himself in alkynes of trouble.

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I asked my organic chemistry teacher what kinds of jokes he likes.

He said, β€œAlkynes”.

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Man, I hate organic chemistry. It can be so indecisive.

Whenever I ask oxygen if it prefers a methyl group or an ethyl group, it always responds β€œEther”.

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The optimist sees the glass half full.

The pessimist sees the glass half empty.

The chemist sees the glass completely fullβ€”half with liquid and half with air.

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A physicist, a biologist and a chemist take a vacation to the ocean.

The physicist was fascinated by the waves, so he walked into the oceanΒ to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves. Obviously, he was drowned and never returned.

The biologist wanted to research the amazing flora and fauna of the ocean, so he walked into the water as well.Β He, too, never returned.

The chemist thought for a while, then noted in his lab notebook:

The physicist and the biologist are soluble in ocean water.

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Why are chemists great for solving problems?

They have all the solutions.

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I stopped drinking water while studying chemistry.

My notes say adding water decreases concentration.

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For an experiment, a chemistry teacher takes out a $20 bill and put it in a bottle of ethanol. He then asks his students if it will dissolve.

A student raise his hand to answer.

Student: β€œNo, it won’t dissolve, sir.”

Teacher: β€œReally good! Now, can you explain to the rest of the class why?”

Student: β€œYou’re so cheap, there’s no way you would’ve sacrificed that $20.”

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What do alcoholics and chemists have in common?

They both view alcohol as a solution.

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One day an Irishman called Seamus went into a pharmacy in Clonmel. He reached into his jacket pocket and took out a bottle of Irish whiskey and a teaspoon.

Seamus proceeded to pour some of the amber liquid into the teaspoon and offered it to the chemist.

β€œCould you taste this for me, please?” asked Seamus.

The chemist took the teaspoon, put it into his mouth, swilled the liquid around and swallowed it.

β€œDoes that taste sweet to you?” says Seamus.

β€œNo, not at all,” says the pharmacist.

β€œOh that’s a relief,” says Seamus. β€œDoctor Flannigan told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar.”

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Chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, β€œDo you have any acetylsalicylic acid?”

β€œYou mean aspirin?” asked the pharmacist.

β€œThat’s it! I can never remember that word.”

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