Chelsea Jokes



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Chelsea Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Chelsea Jokes


What is the difference between JosΓ© Mourinho and God?

God doesn’t think he’s JosΓ© Mourinho.

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What is the difference between a Chelsea fan and a Battery?

A battery has a positive side.

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What does Scolari say when Chelsea score?

β€œFantastic. Now let us try to get a goal at the other end of the pitch!”

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What do the ministry of magic and Chelsea F.C. fans have in common?

They both find Potter undesirable.

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What do Chelsea keepers and singer Michael Jackson both have in common?

Both wear gloves for no apparent reason.Β 

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How many Chelsea managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nobody knows. The light bulb lasts longer than any manager.

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What do a fine wine and Chelsea F.C. have in common?

They both spend a lot of time in the cellar, cost too much and are only enjoyed on select occasions.

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Two blokes were walking through a cemetery when they happened upon a tombstone that read:

β€œHere lies John Sweeney, a good man and a Chelsea fan.”

So, one of them asked the other: β€œWhen the hell did they start putting two people in one grave?”

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Mauricio Pochettino and Erik Ten Hag have each been given advent calendars and need to be shown the door.

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